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I HATE MASTERBATION!!!
First off let me say, I have had no traumatic experiences from childhood and No one ever told me sex or masterbation, or porn was wrong. I also do not believe in any god or religion. And just to halt confusion I am male. OK. Now, I am just so tired of being in this cycle and I am at the point were I don't care anymore I am so pissed off right now and I just need to say this **** because no one seems understand!!! (also, read completely before responding!)
Ever since I first discovered masterbating, I knew something was wrong. When I first masterbated I was relatively ok with it. It felt good. I felt a little shocked with my self and didn't like the feeling after words, but I went on with life. Eventually I began masterbating in a regular basis, about once every week or two, but every time I did it I began feeling more and more wrong. Especially after I started getting into porn, guilt and disgust would fill me with sadness and rage. Each time I would wish I had never masterbated ever, and I would swear I would never do it again. The rage would take over my life I was mad at everything I hated everything, but most of all I hated masterbation and I thought to myself if masterbation had a physical form I would kill it! Of course the rage would weaken and the urge would rise. I would tell my self how much it angered me and that it would make me feel disgusting again, but time and time again I would end up masterbating. I never really wanted to have sex or a companion, the idea always just seemed off-putting. But after being in this cycle I now knew I Hated any sexual desires, and I no longer wanted them!!! I began hating my body and everything that it had to do with sex. Time After Time After Time I continued in this cycle! I Began hating my Penis to my very soul, AND EVERY TIME IT GETS ERECT I WANT TO SHOOT MY SELF IN THE HEAD!!! I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS ****! AND DON'T YOU DARE ******* SAY "~ooohh, but masterbation is natural~" OR "~ooohh, but everyone dose it~" I HATE MASTERBATION, I WANT TO HATE MASTERBATION, AND NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND!! HONESTLY AT THIS POINT I WANT TO CHOP MY ******* **** OFF!!!
Ever since I first discovered masterbating, I knew something was wrong. When I first masterbated I was relatively ok with it. It felt good. I felt a little shocked with my self and didn't like the feeling after words, but I went on with life. Eventually I began masterbating in a regular basis, about once every week or two, but every time I did it I began feeling more and more wrong. Especially after I started getting into porn, guilt and disgust would fill me with sadness and rage. Each time I would wish I had never masterbated ever, and I would swear I would never do it again. The rage would take over my life I was mad at everything I hated everything, but most of all I hated masterbation and I thought to myself if masterbation had a physical form I would kill it! Of course the rage would weaken and the urge would rise. I would tell my self how much it angered me and that it would make me feel disgusting again, but time and time again I would end up masterbating. I never really wanted to have sex or a companion, the idea always just seemed off-putting. But after being in this cycle I now knew I Hated any sexual desires, and I no longer wanted them!!! I began hating my body and everything that it had to do with sex. Time After Time After Time I continued in this cycle! I Began hating my Penis to my very soul, AND EVERY TIME IT GETS ERECT I WANT TO SHOOT MY SELF IN THE HEAD!!! I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS ****! AND DON'T YOU DARE ******* SAY "~ooohh, but masterbation is natural~" OR "~ooohh, but everyone dose it~" I HATE MASTERBATION, I WANT TO HATE MASTERBATION, AND NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND!! HONESTLY AT THIS POINT I WANT TO CHOP MY ******* **** OFF!!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
You are welcome to comment on your progress and resolve your sexual issue.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Do the breathing exercises I have suggested, if you cannot consult a therapist as suggested by Remar who is our oldest member.Therapist can help you a lot. Yours is a simple problem. In our life we cam across many complex problems and we have to solve them with a great care. Do not have a defeatist attitude. Have positive attitude and fight to solve the problem. Wish you best of luck.
1 Comments
I have masterbated on two different occasions since the date of the post. I had talked my self into thing that I wanted to do it and that one more time wouldn't hurt. I thought that I would actually enjoy it. But as usual, after I was done I felt destroyed inside. I felt as if I could end my life right there on the spot. One of the times I did it I even felt guilty and wrong while in the act. like my mind was screaming out saying "No!" but the rest of me didn't listen.
Its been a few days since I masterbated, and now I just feel numb. I don't know what that means.
I know all this sounds crazy but I really am distraught by all this. I truly have these feelings...
btw thanks for taking the time to comment. I just felt i needed to say that much for sure.
Its been a few days since I masterbated, and now I just feel numb. I don't know what that means.
I know all this sounds crazy but I really am distraught by all this. I truly have these feelings...
btw thanks for taking the time to comment. I just felt i needed to say that much for sure.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I read your message,completely. If you hate so much and you do not want to hear a sane advice why do you post this letter. All the research report say that it is a natural habit. By your disgust, you cannot win over any habits. Combination of porno and masturbation is bad enough. First stop porno watching. Do masturbation without disgust.Slowly reduce the frequency. Do it with lubricated hand. Do not stop breathing while doing it. Do no masturbate when you are tired. Do not masturbate when you are over excessively aroused. Learn deep breathing or abdominal breathing and practice for 15 minutes twice a day. Whenever you feel aroused do this breathing - about 5 or 6 breaths. You will calm down to some extent. Google deep breathing or abdominal breathing. Keep patience and practice regularly. If sex is properly used you can enjoy it greatly. If you cannot control your disgust and anger on sex, take help form professionals. You will get better help from them.This is curable disorder.
2 Comments
I agree with a lot of things Dulubaba said.
I think there's a lot more to this than you just hating masturbation. You feel so guilty when you do, when you should not. So I think some time in your life you may have been told it's wrong. You could have been a little boy playing with yourself in the tub when one of your parents told you to stop doing that.
You're feeling guilty about pleasure to the point of it making you very mad.
I recommend that you get in to therapy. If you work with a therapist you can get to the root of this problem.
Of course we're going to be here to try and help as much as we can. We're not therapists or counselors though. We can only tell you what we think might be going on. A therapist could find the answers for you by the two of you working together.
I think there's a lot more to this than you just hating masturbation. You feel so guilty when you do, when you should not. So I think some time in your life you may have been told it's wrong. You could have been a little boy playing with yourself in the tub when one of your parents told you to stop doing that.
You're feeling guilty about pleasure to the point of it making you very mad.
I recommend that you get in to therapy. If you work with a therapist you can get to the root of this problem.
Of course we're going to be here to try and help as much as we can. We're not therapists or counselors though. We can only tell you what we think might be going on. A therapist could find the answers for you by the two of you working together.
All I know is that everytime I masterbate I become deeply depressed. This depression will stay with be for some time and by the time I masterbate again It makes the depression worse. I truly feel disgust from masterbation. The only way I'd be happy is if my libido disappeared.
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