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I can’t help being in love with my uncle
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I can’t help being in love with my uncle

I know that most of you are going to say how nasty and sick I am, how I need to get help, and I really understand. But I’m not writing this to get you acceptance, I just need to tell some one. I really am sorry if I offend you, but I cant help being in love with my uncle, and he’s in love with me too.

First I’m 24 the oldest of my moms 4 kids, I was never molested, never abused, never raped. Nothing like that. My uncle is the youngest of my grandparents kids, he’s 28 12 years younger then my mom.

Even though he is my uncle its only in a biological way, we had never met once in our lives. My family is spread all over the country. We ended up meeting last year, I just came home from Uni, and he was staying in the guest room for the summer, he had a bad accident and my mom wanted to help him with his physical therapy, that’s what she does.

After a week together, eating meals, going for walks, playing x-box. I was rather shocked to find I was rapidly falling in love with this man. Even knowing he was my uncle I didn’t think of him as such and still don’t. We are both so very much alike, I get on better with him then anyone else, he has told me the same thing several times.

Two months pass and I am going crazy because of my feelings for him, but I don’t want to freak him out or push him away, because we are best friends, and I never act on these feeling because I know they are wrong and I feel he can’t possibly share them. I have never been more wrong.

We where on one of our movie dates, and I noticed he kept looking at me, when I asked him why he was he just said I was beautiful. I blushed and thanked him, he blushed too, and we went back to the movie. Three days later we where walking along the trees that line our property, he had been acting strange since the movie, and it was nice to have some time so I could ask him what was wrong.

He said he was in love with me, and then he kissed me, not chaste either. After the kiss I started to sob, from relief, joy, fear, and a heavy dose of shame. But I kissed him back and told him I loved him as well.

It’s been a year now and he is almost completely through his therapy, we both decided that we are going to get a place together. Our family thinks it’s a great idea, of course they don’t know we are lovers. I know what we are doing is very taboo and morally wrong to many but I love this man, and I always will.  

Again im sorry for offending you, but having written this down, I feel like I can breathe again. Thank you.


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28 Comments
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558991_tn?1226064428
Love goes beyond all boundaries, and sometimes it goes beyond family relations as well.
Since you didn't know your uncle until recently, that probably is why you really didn't build up a sense of "I can't, he's family" in your mind.
If you do love him, and it's something that both of you feel, I think that's your answer. If it feels right and you like it, who cares what people say.
You are going to have to come clean to your family sooner or later, and I would do it sooner. Explain that you've never actually met him and you didn't have the voice in your head saying it was wrong all your life, and you just fell in love. Tell them that they may think it's wrong, but you both love each other, and love trancends everything.
If you do have kids, though, be careful about mental diseases like Down's Syndrome and such.
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332074_tn?1229564125
Well I know that along with you, I will get some flack for this comment, but what you are feeling is not that uncommon. Relatives fall in love everyday. Unless they are brother and sister, or parent and child, or even grandparent and grandchild, it is really not that big of a deal in a legal and moral way. The big problem tends to lie with telling the family. Most families do not really want to accept that their relatives can be in love with each other. Reality is however, it is easier to fall in love with someone you know, trust and are comfortable being around, expecially when you never knew this man until recently. My thought is that you never grew up knowing this person as your uncle, and since you have met him, you have formed a special bond with him, just like any man and woman do when they meet in fall in love. My opinion is though, if you are both old enough to be in this relationship, then you are both old enough to own to your family. They may not be happy about it, but you are going to be alot more unhappy hiding it from the people you love.
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Avatar_f_tn
I must admit i am pleasantly surprised by both of your reactions, its wonderful to know people can be so open minded.

we are planing on telling our family, we have high hopes that with time they will come to understand, because I really don't think of him as my uncle and he certainly does not think of me as his niece. for one we are only 4 years apart, and because we lived on different side of the country we never met until his accident

we have thought about what might happen if we had children, the risk that they could be born with a mental disease is not something we with to knowingly put upon a child. so no kids for us well not at least from my body, their are other means. thank you again.
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484465_tn?1347117312
"If it feels right and you like it, who cares what people say." --i couldn't disagree with curleygirl more.  
it's morally wrong.  it's incest.  and you are grown enough to get out in the big, wide world and meet another man as he is to meet another woman.  anytime men and women come together, share lots of time, and are romantic towards one another they can feel feelings of 'love' blossoming.  you can find this with someone else.  snap out of it
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492898_tn?1222247198
I am not so sure it's a good thing as well to go ahead and announce this to your family, and then expect to live happily ever after and pretend not to care what anyone thinks.

I don't really know what to advise you but I would not advise that you do tell the family about this at this time. What's the point? They will be horrified and that won't be good for anyone.

I mean, there is nothing wrong with your or his feelings. There are no wrong feelings, really. They just are. And if you end up having sex, or have already, it's not the end of the world either, and especially if this stays between the two of you.

But I think it is a mistake to just go from the feelings to moving in together and/or getting married and live like a couple. No matter how you put it, it is incest.

Again, I am not concerned about your going to hell, I am only concerned about your doing doing something very unwise. 50% of all relationships, or even more that start like this break up in something like hate, or divorce.  So, this is very likely with you as well. but with you it wouldn't just dealing with the tragedy of losing a husband, but a family member as well, and even possibly your entire family.

If you go full course, all these special feelings between the two of you may be ruined and destroyed.

I think you should care about each other enough to know this is not the way to go. Not morally sinful but just not good for anyone, even your relationship.

And there will be, and there are other men out there.
You can accept your love for him and each other without having to run off together. It will become a scandal.

That is just my intuitive sense and opinion.
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Avatar_m_tn
i think your emotions is not bad to love anyone in ur family, u can love your father but this doesnt mean that u will have sex with him because this will be incest
think about it and tell ur self that u r going to do incest , tell ur self that he is ur uncle and he is like ur father and u love him innocent love like u love ur mother or father or brother please put this picture in ur mind , tell ur self that u cant have sex with ur father or brother although u love them very much

love is a great emotion , u can love ur uncle and be just best friends and this will be great but dont make any step forward more than this,and i advise u to stay away from him until u  get married or have a new bf

regards
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332074_tn?1229564125
Before we were over governed in our country it was very common for people to marry their relatives/cousins/uncles. That is actually how the population of this country was built. It was not until someone sitting in an office somewhere gave it the name incest, did it become a tabu thing to do. Don't get me wrong, that does not mean that I think it is okay to go out and marry your brother, but we are talking as case where they are further down the gene pool, so I am not sure as long as they are consenting, that incest really applies here.
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484465_tn?1347117312
no.  incest has been around forever.  even has stories in the bible.

incest is sexual contact between relatives

people still marry dads, uncles, brothers, and cousins-- on jerry springer
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152852_tn?1205717026
Regardless of what is socially acceptable in other countries or many years ago in this county or the fact that you didn't know each other growing up, I agree with treazzure 100%.  I can't see your family ever accepting this.  Regardless of YOUR relationship with EACH OTHER--your mother has relationships with both of you (she's seen you both grow up from babies and has strong familial and appropriate bonds with both of you) and to her, this will be unbelievably horrific.  I know I would be horrified if my brother and daughter were ever together--I don't care what the circumstances.  It would be devastating.

It couldn't be too difficult to live away from each other since you managed to do so for 23 years.  I would separate and hopefully your own pain of longing when you occasionally see each other at family weddings and deaths will be the only pain this family experiences as a result of this.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hello again, after reading the responses my sweetheart and I thought long and hard about weather we would be telling our family. We both decided that we will tell my mum and go from there. neither of us expect her to embrace this enthusiastically, but knowing my mum I know she will only want our happiness. So I have faith that once we explain every thing to her. once she can see how happy he makes me, and how happy I make him. I really think she may accept our relationship.

And again thank you for the people who understand my feelings, and for the others who want me to get over it. Well I am far to much in love with this man to just get over it, let alone feel this way for another.
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93654_tn?1247502934
Research the sex laws in your state before you take this any further. In Texas, it's against the law to engage in sexual intercourse with someone who is "the parent's brother or sister of the whole or half blood," and vice versa, meaning it's illegal for you to have sex with him and illegal for him to have sex with you. I don't know what the law is where you live, but definitely look it up and make sure neither of you can get into trouble for this relationship.
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Avatar_m_tn
so you love him.... Blind love,,,,,

As you know what is wrong  and right..  So there is no need to explain you. But i would put some light of other consiquences of life...
Consider yourself and you uncle in Big Beautiful world. You have what you want... But both of you are the only people in that world or city or jungle... No one else exist... except both of you....  But what happen  when you need to share you feelings, your happiness  you use to share with your Sister, Mother, Brother, Father... You would also loose your friends too...  Remmber God created the world with everyting you need..  So you need everybody all your relatives, Friends, Parents..    You would get your love ..But you will always have a Flaw  a Big Big Big Flaw in your life,,,,,,,

And announcing this to everyone would be even more worst
First thing  you will not have same feeling because of sarrow.. you mind will always give you blink that you lost your familly... so you would be hurt..
Second   Announcing this news to other.   you are making a sin... Because Other People might think of doing this..  So you are kind of executing other people to do it....

Think about it... I would say away from this incest... You do need Every body in your life...
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600721_tn?1229104172
If you love him, then it doesn't matter what anyone else says, as long as it is mutual. It might have been mentioned already (along with the whole "telling you're family" bit) but the only real problem that I would foresee is if you two ever decide that you want to have children. Not from any moral aspect, but from a biological one.
I hope everything goes well for you and that you are able to be happy.
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93654_tn?1247502934
Well it DOES matter what the law says. Sure love is blind (and ignorant in many cases), but would you really want to risk your freedom for it? I know of a case here where a man had a sexual relationship with his adult daughter. He got sent to prison for 10 years and she got 10 years probation. They both have to register as sex offenders for an additional 10 years after their parole/probation is over. Neither of them would say it was worth it now. I said before that I don't know the laws where the OP lives, but I believe that sex between an uncle & niece or aunt & nephew is illegal in every state.

I mean c'mon, people! I really doubt that her uncle is her soul mate. Stella, I would let this go. Get out and about- find some hobbies that will bring you into contact with interesting and nice men who are not related to you. I can't believe the idea of incest and inbreeding is romantic in some people's eyes. Now, if the world implodes and we find ourself starting over and needing to populate the land, by all means- keep it in the family if that's all you have.
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Avatar_f_tn
My only comment to stelladarling is: She should think twice about this for his and her future. Does this guy have strong personality or is he a weak person. Is he a character that can make a good judgement. If they are already involved sexually, I would say he can not make a good judgement as he should have waited until it is out in the open. Yes, they don't have much difference in age but still he should have known better - not to get involved with his niece. He is still the uncle. He shouldn't have gone into sexual relationship before knowing the reaction of family members about their love for each other. I'm not trying to make her feel differently towards him. However in future if he feels something for someone else is he going to go for it without too much consideration to stelladarling as his wife? In this case yes he may have fallen in love with her but at the same time he didn't put too much consideration to her as his niece or to her mom as his sister either. Maybe he has - only she would know the answer to that. She needs to sit back and analyze how it came to this point. If they get married and he makes another bad judgement ie gets involved with another girl/lady, that would destroy stelladarling. No matter what this is incest and she is giving up a lot to be with him and I'm sure he is too. It's better to take things slow, perhaps not move in together and not be involved sexually if you haven't already. People wait years before they get married, so please don't rush into anything, sooner or later you will see if he is a weak person. If you see him interested in someone else even one bit, get rid of him. He isn't for you or anyone else for that matter. Best wishes to you both and your families. Also, do you have a father? I wonder how he would feel about your uncle being involved with you?
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130384_tn?1221596627
Stella,
It doesn't matter what you think or what you feel.  Bottom line is you are blood relatives.  No feelings will change that.  You are committing incest and it can have terrible ramifications if you were to get pregnant.  What you are doing is against the law in a lot of states.  

I am sure your family will have very serious issues if you were to announce your relationship together.  I wish you a lot of luck if you decide to pursue this.  You need to be prepared to have a lot of people treat you very differently from that point on.
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356518_tn?1322267242
I am not so sure what your feeling is love in the sense you think. I would advice talking to a therapist before you go any further with this. After it is out in the open in your family there is no going back.
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Avatar_f_tn
I have to agree with sandee1818. You both should see a therapist before going further, and once you have, maybe even try some family counsling with some of your other family members, especially with your mom.
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484465_tn?1347117312
she's not listening guys.  she's in looooove!  i just wanna know what mom thought!  

please, do write us back darling!
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Avatar_f_tn
Just because I am not glued to this community, does not mean I am Not listing, and yes I am very much in love thank you for recognizing that Treazzure007.

as for how things went with mum, im sure many of you will be surprised to know it went rather well. i by no means am implying butterflies and rainbows. but my mum was quite understanding of our relationship.After she was done screaming and crying and after we explained everything to her. Her biggest concern was the possibility of me becoming pregnant. But we reassured her that I was on the pill and will remain on the pill. I would never be as selfish as to endanger a child's life with a possible defect.

My fella and I are still moving in together, we found a lovely flat along the beach. I just cant wait to start my life with my man.
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Avatar_f_tn
Stella, why don't you and your fella get fixed so you wil not have to worry about birth defects. Just think if you had a child and they were to introduce your fella to their friends. They would say, this is my dad or no, maybe, this is my great uncle. This is really sad. I'm sure as sick as this world is, there is probaly a support group somewhere for people like you. If your Mom accepted it that easy, maybe incest has been in your family for a long time. Maybe your Mom has already been with your uncle. I feel so for you.
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152852_tn?1205717026
Trust me...your mother is waking in the night feeling like vomitting.  She's obviously trying to spare your feelings.  If not, she's mentally disturbed, too.  No way a mother could be ok with this.  No way.
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Avatar_m_tn
hello Stella, im not gonna say any thing about your post directly, I just want to get in touch with you. I have a school project and it would do me wonders if i could talk to you. please.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you, this is exactly how we feel.
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Avatar_f_tn
I would be so interested to know if this worked out for you? I was in a relationship with my uncle and my mother completely flipped when she found out, and hence my uncle was dragged through the courts. I completely loved and trusted my uncle. He made me feel happy and complete. I am in a different relationship now, married with kids (20 years later). My heart still often aches over my uncle though. I have never seen him again out of respect to my patents. I know it could never have worked, as other people have commented. There is a huge rift in our family now of those who approved and those who didn't. I agree that you can't help who you fall in love with.
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Avatar_f_tn
There are a lot of men in the world.  Really.  I'd suggest u set your eyes on someone who isn't a relative.  My first great love of my life I lost to a culture, prearranged marriage etc..... It broke my heart.  He married his first cousin.  I suggest therapy and distance frm each other.  Sometimes things that are taboo can pull us to one another.  Fight it.  Meet a non relative .   Just my thoughts.  It's your life.  Be safe.  Best wishes!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Am wondering, are you still in this relationship today? how is it going? please update.

best of luck
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1140115_tn?1348499315
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