I couldn't do penetration, he has trouble with erection

[Sarahstroubles]

My husband and I are very much in love, I know he is the only man for me in this world. However, I had a very, very ugly, long-term difficult, physically and emotionally painful and excruciating experience before I met him which made me completely clam up during sexual experiences. I now know that it is most likely vaginism that everybody is talking about. How long we have been married, I don't even dare to say. We have not had sexual intercourse with proper penetration and orgasm. Ever. Because I would completely shut down. My body was reacting with coughs and fits and actual difficulties for him even trying to get inside. He loves me so much that this didn't really affect us in ways it could have. It took me a long time to get here, where we are now really trying and it came to a situation where he has troubles with erection. I am almost entirely certain that this whole thing is my own doing and my fault, which only makes it more awful for me and more difficult for him.
Does anyone have any sorts of experiences or ideas or advice for us?

[Dalubaba]

Sorry to learn about your sexual problems. Lull for some time in sexual activity of both partner is common. However if it exceed time limit,it is unhealthy for the body and the mind. Sexual intercourse is one of the essential activity to lead a normal life.Simplest way to get checked by urologist and undergo a treatment by both the partner. It is obvious that you have not been able to do so. Arginine is being recommande by a senior member. Do research on this drug and ask your husband to take the same. You may also do some specific exercises. You may do female deer exercise which works as a therapeutic as well as self-pleasure technique. You maya also learn kegel exercises and it regularly.Your husband can do male deer exercise and kegel as well. He can take arginine. He can do some breathing exercises and groin exercises. One can use anal peripheral prostate massage to treat Erectile dysfunction.You may google these words and phrases to reach the relative exercises. Wish you best of luck. Please be assured that you will be able to succeed in getting out of this situation.

[YardBull]

Sexual intimacy is very much a part of marriage.  Until such time that you can engage in intercourse, practice hand and oral techniques.

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd see a therapist for hypnosis to relax you during the beginning of sex, and also to talk about the horrible relationship and its detritus.  You don't want the horrible relationship to take out the good one that follows just because you can't get it out of your head.  I'd also try drinking before sex, enough to get a buzz on.  It will relax you and (if you don't wait too long and just get sleepy) it will probably provoke a little lust too.