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I need an advice

I am in a long distance relationship.My boyfriend had asked for my nude pics
n I gave him just because i tusted him.Now i got to know that even when he has all my pics
he sees porn.That hurt me a lot.I asked him to either stop watching porn or to stop asking for my nude pics.
All he explained was "All guys watch porn,its very normal"
He has now deleted all the pics that I had sent him.I am really hurt
what am i suppossed to say/do?:(
I feel pathetic:(
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5 Comments Post a Comment
Avatar f tn
looking at Internet porn is not an indicator of whether he will cheat or not. For most it's just fantasy.

It is not abnormal but I think it's a bit of a cop-out to say 'every warm blooded male looks at porn'. It's more common now because people don't even have to go to a store to pick some up, they can get it right in their homes and many times even for free. But this does not mean men have a biological and environmental imperative to look at naked people!

Hiding it usually means one of the following:
-they do not want to hurt the feeling of their significant other or deal with what they would say
-they are ashamed of looking or just feel guilty
-they honestly feel this is a private thing just for masturbation purposes

You both need to come to an agreement about this issue. For some women it does make you feel less desirable, after all, who can compete with women chosen for their youth and beauty who additionally have been made up and airbrushed for the viewing pleasure of raunchy males? For others it's a morality thing. Regardless, if it's hurtful to you find out your reasons: why he looks and why it bothers you.
Be honest with yourselves and each other!
1032715 tn?1315987834
Me and my husband have been married 30 years,he has always looked at porn it doesn't bother me because we love each other and we wouldn't have lasted 30 years if we didn't trust each other 100%.I have watched porn as well,it isn't an everyday thing but every once in a while means nothing,I'm the one he's with and I'm the one he makes love to.Most men know they aren't what you see and they know they'll never be with them it is all just for looking,fantasy.

1345215 tn?1276400743
He's kind of right... not all guys and that doesn't make a necessity or even good clean fun. But guys do look at porn... and nude pics aren't the same as porn (not that I'm saying you should make porn to send him). If you're uncomfortable with it then you should to talk to him and tell him why--I'm sure he'll say something that will make you feel much better... it's all for fantasy and curiosity.
1101690 tn?1268503239
I agree that it is related to fantasy.

By the way, if he stops watching porn but starts to masturbate to fantasies including other women, will it make any real difference?
It is not easy and I do not want to say that I would be completely OK with my girlfriend masturbating to porn or to fantasies of other men (and I do not really ask about her fantasies and I do not believe that being 100% honest about our fantasies is always a good idea, sometimes yes, sometimes no, in my case definitely no:) ...
But although we can "control" - to some degree- our partners if they watch porn, it is really impossible to control their fantasies.
My view on this is primarily based on the link between porn and fantasy because when I watched porn I used it mainly as a visual aid to my fantasies as I have a poor imagination:)
1305762 tn?1311552599
If you give him that porn ultimatum he'll probably just tell you what you want to hear and continue watching porn anyway. You're in a long distance relationship and you're not around so you're no more the wiser either way.

I know I'm going to get yelled at for this one but relationships when you're a teenager are really not meant to last. They just aren't and usually don't. And second of all this whole business of "meeting" him online but never having met him AND being in a long distance relationship is really kind of a recipe for disaster. Which is not to say that it's definitely doomed but it's not the best makeup for a healthy, long-term relationship and certainly not when you're in your teens.

Also, you're kidding yourself if you think he REALLY deleted the nude pictures you sent him. Trust me, he didn't.

Bottom line: Most guys are going to look at porn. That's not to say all of them will and it's not to say that looking at porn makes them more likely to cheat or not. It really depends on why he's watching the porn, if he's watching it too much, and the kind of porn he's looking at that you should be more concerned about.

If he's just looking at porn because he's a teenage guy then relax.. that's what teenage guys do and this is not a battle you're going to win by making it an issue. Make peace with it now or be prepared to have this fight every 6 months.
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