Inappropriate touch?

[strawberrytoday]

My 13 year old daughter has been close friends with my boyfried of 2 1/2 years.  She has genuinely like him and talks to him before any other adult with any of her problems.  He is always kind and gentle and patient with her, as with the rest of my children.  My daughter came to me a couple of nights ago and said they fell asleep on the couch while watching a movie (which happens every weekend).  She said he rubber her leg and abdomen and when she moved because she was uncomfortable he woke up, realized what he had done, said he would never hurt her and he was sorry and went upstairs to sleep.  She came to me the next morning and told me this, and I believe her.  I had told her to always come to me with anything of this nature.  She says this is the first time this has ever happened and she has never felt uncomfortatble around him before this incident.  (She has been taught since toddlerhood what inappropriate touch was).   There is no history of this behavior and all of my kids are very fond of him.  I know that he is very affectionate with me while he is asleep and likes to cuddle and rub my back, legs, etc.  Could this be an isolated incident and truely be an accident and he mistook her for me?  We are about the same size.  He has been heartbroken and very, very, sorry when I approached him with the story and says he doesn't remember anything.  He is devastated as well as I am.  I made him leave to protect her from feeling uncomfortable and I have her in counseling already.  My question is could there be grounds for legal action?  What if this truley is an accident?  For her to heal I will do whatever it takes, but I just don't think it was intentional.   I would appreciate your input.  

[Ookami11]

I believe you are handling everything very well. I would add that since your daughter is 13 it might not be appropriate to have a close relationship that includes any touching past the typical hugs that are given to any of the children. She is old enough that she is extremely curious and very vulnerable even to the most well meaning people. Just use caution in allowing one on one times from now on... I do believe it was an accident from the information you gave and your boyfriends guilt and anguish over the issue.

[Kimidawn]

I agree with everything Steph4302 has said.  It could be an accident and actually sounds like it probably is.  In addition to the advice given already which I totally agree with, you may also want to talk to your daughter about maybe not getting so close in the future with your boyfriend.  I think it's great that they have a good relationship but maybe laying on the couch together or snuggling up is not appropriate just because of what "could" happen even if it happens accidentally.  Some may not agree with this but this is probably what I would do if I was the one in the situation.  I am not placing blame by any means, just suggesting that in the future maybe your boyfriend and your daughter should be a bit more careful.

[Steph4302]

I am sorry for what you are going through. This must be a stressful time for your daughter and yourself. I do believe that you are handling this the right way. I think that it is a possibility that it was an accident but this can never be guaranteed. Only your boyfriend truely knows if it was or was not. Some people really do move about while sleeping while others may use this as an excuse. At this time,  I do not believe that there are any grounds for legal action. Since your daughter is in counseling, has the counselor notified DCFS? If so and DCFS has investigated, then there may be grounds for legal action. If they have not became involved, then there is not. Counselors are mandated by law to report physical or sexual abuse of a child by a caregiver. You could always call DCFS yourself and ask a caseworker.

What is important at this time is how your daughter is reacting to the situation. Counseling and talking to her are very positive ways for her to deal with this. I suggest you keep talking with her to see how she feels. Does she think that it was an accident? What does she want to do?