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MMy husband prefers masterbation(masturbation) and porn, it feels like ...
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MMy husband prefers masterbation(masturbation) and porn, it feels like cheating?

I have been with my husband for 5 years now. He never had a great sex drive but now it almost doesn't exist, with me that is.  I have high sex drive, so the wife not being interested is not a factor here. I am lucky to get sex once a month and usually he goes soft off and on unless i am giving him oral or anal. I work my tail off at my job, cook, clean and pretty much do everthing in this world to make him have good life....All my friends said I was too good for this guy back when we started dating and I know I am a catch for him.   He has once again gotton very mean verbally and makes me cry alot and I just found out that he is masterbating (masturbating) almost daily and visits porn and porn dating sites again. He has made me lots of promises in the past, Like giving up porn and masterbation (masturbation), getting healthy and being nice to me and going to the doctor...I am so devastated because this feels like cheating. I can't sleep or eat and am just sick that he doesn't love me enough to want to have a quality sex life with very own hot, loving, horney wife. My question is..Is the porn and masterbation (masturbation) cheating on me, cause thats what it feels like?
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Wifey, sorry for your problems, it seems he's addicted to porn and his hand, and its his hand, that is the other lover, backed by porn.
Any other true women would have made pack up years ago as you can only go so far for him, and I think by reading what you have you have gonr all the way in giving him a good home, and sex only once a moth then not that good.
Look I cant tell you, but I think 9 out of 10 women would have smashed his computer, and walked out of the door by now.
You truly have a big dicission to make.
Good Luck
10 Comments Post a Comment
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139792_tn?1299416777
I understand that he is addicted to porno and masturbation before you got married. That is why he did not have a strong libido. You may try female deer exercise which is an exercise as well as a treatment for enhancing sexual pleasure. It is similar to kegel exercises. You can give him unique pleasure with this exercise.Google the phrase' Female deer exercise'. If your husband persuaded to do male deer exercise, he may turn out to be good lover.Wish you best of luck.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi Wifey, sorry for your problems, it seems he's addicted to porn and his hand, and its his hand, that is the other lover, backed by porn.
Any other true women would have made pack up years ago as you can only go so far for him, and I think by reading what you have you have gonr all the way in giving him a good home, and sex only once a moth then not that good.
Look I cant tell you, but I think 9 out of 10 women would have smashed his computer, and walked out of the door by now.
You truly have a big dicission to make.
Good Luck
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Avatar_f_tn
I dont think that is the porblem because i asked my doctor. He rated me in the catagory of women who had no children and said i have nothing to worry about in that department. .  I have tried and am totally into being and doing all of his fantasies but he says he has none???? Thats another lie cause everyone does. i know i do.He has led me to believe all these years that it is my fault he is not hard, Your too skinny, so i gained weight, your too tan, so i stayed out of the sun, you shouldn't were lipstick and make up cause it doesn't look good on you, so i cut way back, he always is laying blame on me. Then to find out he can masterbate daily?????????? so i have felt like **** about myself for so long and unsatisfied.....But he can masterbate at will, visit porn and dating sites?????? WTF.. This still feels like cheating and lying.
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Avatar_f_tn
After reading an article in Psycology Today Magazine, I would bet Your Husband is ADDICTED to porn.  The article is by Gary Wilson and is titled:  Your Brain on Porn Series:  Porn Addiction.  

Very informative!!  You can read it on the web.  He gives a full explanation on how porn "overstimulates" the brain  and the brain actually changes as a result of the overstimulation. - the SAME brain changes that occur with ALL addictions.  He explains how the intensity creates a hightened level of stimulation that our primitive brains weren't intended to experience & because of that, the brain of someone who regularly uses porn causes changes of the neuropathways in the same ways of an alcoholic or drug addict.  The chemical neurotransmitter dopamine is the culprit.  The more "intense" the experience the more dopamine is realeased in the brain - dopamine is behind ALL motivation - but when it's OVER stimulated we get addiction: porn, drugs, alcohol, gambling, whatever.  When we  submit ourselves to OVERstimulation the brain "re wires" itself on the addiction and new neuropathways are created: hence addiction.

Perhaps if You read this article You will be able to decide what to do with Your life - maybe He will want to make changes.

GoodLuck
This info blew me away - I had no idea - it's pretty heavy stuff but Gary Wilson explains in a way that made me understand and it makes since.  
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Avatar_f_tn
Thankyou for the info. I have finished reading and watching all of it. I passed it on to husband, but he is denying  that as a problem and is telling me it's all my fault he is not interested. I don't know what else i can do  to be attrective.  I am  40 yrs old, 5'7 and built pretty much like a barbie. I have always mantained my shape and have always been super nice to everyone. My first husban cheated on me. He told me after our divorce that it was all for a thrill and wished he had never done it. That really hurt! But this is even more painful because it feels like cheating, and he choosing to do it with porn. porn's not even a real person wich means i must be worth nothing!
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Avatar_f_tn
I understand!!  I would feel "cheated" on too!!  He IS choosing porn over You but that is NOT Your fault!!  Please, don't blame YourSelf!!

I'm SURE You are attractive - I have no doubt!!  But people don't HAVE to be "attractive" to be in love with one another.  There is "something" wrong, really, really wrong,  if a man wants to masturbate to porn instead of having a REAL relationship and REAL interaction with a REAL Woman.  You may "allow" Him to convince You it's Your fault - BUT HE DOESN'T CONVINCE ME!!  (and, You DO have choices here, too!!)

You read the article "Your Brain on Porn" - doesn't this make You understand that Your Husband has a problem??  I could see staying if He wanted to work on this, but apparently He likes what He's doing AND He wants to blame You!!  That's MORE than a bit much!!  He's taking NO responsiblity for His Own Choices and His Own Behaviors!!?? - He's blaming You!!??

I have a rule:  There is Good and Bad in ALL Relationships but when the Bad OUTWEIGHS the Good, it's time to make a Decision about Your Own Life.  You cannot depend on someone else to make You Happy (most certainly if He's unwilling!! to even try!!) AND, if that's the situation then We have  to take Responibility for our Own Happiness.  You TRUELY have the CHOICES,  to stay or  to go
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I apologize if I sound "flip" about leaving.  I know it's not easy to make such a HUGE life change.   I was in my 1st Marriage for 15 years.  My Husband NEVER stopped cheating.  He cheated with people I did not know, He cheated with "friends" and He cheated with BOTH my Brothers wives.  It was truely horrendous what I went through with this man!!  I was 15 years old when I Married Him and I had 3 children with Him, one at 16,  one at 17,  and my last Child at 19!!  I felt TRAPPED!!   I stayed, and I tolerated until I simply couldn't anymore.  Today I would NEVER stay in a HURTFUL Marriage!!

I'm built like a "barbie" too and I'm blonde and I'm VERY petite and no one could ever understand why He was cheating!!   But, myself, I couldn't get a handle on all that,  I felt small, and unimportant and at fault.  FINALLY, 15 YEARS down the road, I realized it wasn't ME, that there was "something" wrong with HIM!!  I left Him when I was 30 years old and I re-married my friend of 7 years  - when we were both 38.  Today I am the Happiest Girl in the Whole USA!!  My "new" Husband treats me like  He did from Day One and EVERY DAY He celebrates me, and I celebrate Him!!  We've been married for 28 YEARS now and I am here to say:  THIS IS WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE, TO SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH ANOTHER!!

I just want You to be Happy and if Your Husband won't help - then, take Control for YourSelf.

Good Luck!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks for the encouragement! I know i can only be me.. I know alot of people think i am wonderful, pretty, sexy...He just is gonna have to decide if i am worth the temporary sacrifice while he reboots his brain.. I have told him its me or porn...time will tell i guess!
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Avatar_f_tn
I wish You the Very Best Good Luck!!
Regards,
Tink
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Avatar_m_tn
I think that watching Porn makes a man unhappy with REAL life sex....it doesn't matter how hot you are or if your new or old to him......compared to the heavy makeup, airbrush artist, pictures online or in mags, etc...no woman compares in real life.  Sad that men would prefer FAKE sex over REAL sex...????? stupid....I love REAL Love making.......Porn has none of that, it is fake, superficial, and only sex...no love....it will only make him and his lover lonely in the end.  The only way he will like real sex a lot in real life is if he never watched porn....
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Avatar_f_tn
My husband was/is the same way. It's an addiction for him and the only way I got his attention was having sex with other men who were bigger and better than him. If you don't want that extreme, I suggest you send him an email or text just telling him you no longer crave having what he calls sex, that you are taking over your sex life and if he knows what's good for him, he will listen up and realise that you are highly superior to him sexually. For starters, tell him, you order him to refrain from masturbating and that until he can control himself you will lock his penis in a chastity device. A CB6000. (Look it up on google) I can almost guarantee that your husband will go absolutely rock hard when he reads the email you send him of how YOU are in charge of his orgasms. Try it. Even if he protests at first, he will get very horny thinking about it and will come to you eventually begging you to lock him  up. Good luck
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