My 23 yr old boyfriend cant maintain an erection

[cavill2009]

me and my bf have only been together for a short while, but are totally head over heels fo each other...its been amazing so far and i am really really happy with him....we got intimate for the first time a few days ago, and we were arousing each other for a good 3-4 hours! when it came to sexual intercourse, he stayed hard until he went to insert himself inside me, and then he lost his erection....he was very horny and seemed to really want to go ahead with it, but just could not get it back up....we just chilled for 5 - 10 mins as i reassured him, and all of a sudden he was back up and we had great sex! 2 days after we were engaging in foreplay, and again when we tried to have sex, he lost his erection and was not able to get it back....he made some comment about the condom being really tight and zipped into the bathroom...this condom was from the same box as the previous time and he was able to maintain his erection no problem for sex the second time we tried, so i dont think thats it....he says he finds me very attractive and that im not doing anything wrong, he says it has happened before with previous partners too. he says he is a little stressed with work and other things but can not seem to detatch himself from these worries when he gets home. its really bothering him, and to be honest i would be lying if i said it was not bothering me, he means a lot to me and i want to help him.....what can we do? x

[romi644]

severin76

I was facing the same problem

Thanks a lot I have not tried but i think this is the solution

[thisdude]

im 18 and ive have the same proplem me and my girl friend tryed to move forword and i will have a erection all throw forplay and we will do this for like 2 hours and when it comes down to when we are ready ill get the condom on and it will just go away if you get any good advice can you tell me too cuz its woreing me also

[severin76]

Hi, the most important thing for him and for you is not to panic. It is pretty normal, and especially if you do not have a long history of regular sex life together, it is absolutely normal. It has really nothing to do with you being less attractive or doing something wrong.
I guess the reasons for him losing erection can be mainly psychological, yes especially if he is very horny and wants to have a great sex which he certainly loves with you, then it can put his mind under some level of pressure (you know, if you want something very much, it can lead to tension and stress) and then if he starts to focus his attention on his erection (saying to himself "I must not lose it now"), it can have these results. So how to handle this problem? First of all, he should learn not to worry about it, try to help him to see that erection is not so necessary all the time, if he loses it for a while, nothing happens, you can go on with sexual activities, you can caress, touch each other, have oral sex etc,etc, he can bring you to many orgasms in other ways (oral, manual sex...) and then if he has an erection again, he can go on, if not, no problem anyway. Just make him see that the sex does not begin and end with erection.
If he has these problems again, try to play a "sexual game": this time we will play together and enjoy all kinds of sexual excitement and stimulation except for vaginal/penetrative intercourse.  You and he can become aroused in the most intense way, you can stimulate your and his sexual arousal to the highest peaks, even to orgasms, but without vaginal intercourse. Of course, if both of you feel that now the erection is reliable and you are ready for penetrative sex, there is no need to keep the "rules" of the game, you can have vaginal intercourse of course. The main point of this "play" is that it can help him to distract his attention from the necessity of erection and performance anxiety, and the problems with erection can disappear as a result. I´d recommend not to tell him in advance that he can break the rules of the game (by having vaginal sex with you later on during the game, try to keep it secret), this possibility of breaking the rules can be introduced just later, by surprise, if you feel that everything is on its best way:)
The condoms can really have these bad effects, too. I have had similar experience from time to time, too, so probably try to buy different condoms, in my case "extra-thin" or "ribbed" were a little bit (well, in fact much more!) better.
I hope something from this helps.
Have a nice day,
severin76