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My girlfriend has no interest/urge for penetration, should she do it an...
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My girlfriend has no interest/urge for penetration, should she do it anyway for me?

My girlfriend definitely gets turned on, and she gets off pretty easily.  She likes what I do, which is kissing, biting, giving oral sex, and I'm very willing to do all of this for her as well.  We are also in a happy relationship.  We get along well, she likes my friends and family, we have many things in common, and our personalities just seem to match well.

The problem is this.  She's highly attracted to girls physically and sexually.  Everything girls do she loves: touching, kissing, oral, etc.  However, she's not that into penises.  She'll give me a ******** or a hand job but it's not something she really enjoys (meanwhile I love giving her oral).  She also has no desire to be penetrated and no enjoyment.  Not bad just not good.  

My question is this: should she try penetration if she cares about me?  Sex is important and it's a give and take.  You might not like giving a ******** but you do it because you love your partner and he loves getting it.  Likewise, he does the same for you because even though there's no physical pleasure for him, you love it and he knows that.  I want to have intercourse.  We tried it once and it was amazing for me.  It felt fantastic and I want to do it again.  I'm willing to focus on her entirely and try everything under the sun to get her to orgasm as many times as I can.  In return, should she be willing to let me have intercourse with her, even if she doesn't have that urge or get anything out of it?  

FYI: we're both virgins prior to being together.  Me completely.  She has been with a few girls but it was only all the way once and she considers herself a virgin.  

I hear a relationship isn't all about sex, which is true.  Since it's true, just because she doesn't desire this doesn't mean we should end our relationship or that we aren't compatible.  Everything else is great, and if she cares about me and my physical needs is it not too much for me to ask her to do this for me?
13 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi E, look a partnership between to lovers is the best bonding we can do, but its not give and take when it comes to sex, she needs your comfort but she may not need your p***s inside her all the time, but you will have to bear with it for now, till she fills the need for you to be inside her, again and again.
If you try and push your self on her and in her then you could end braken your bonds of love, I think the best thing is just to treat her like a godess for now , and slowly she may give herself to you, it would be best if you want her trust.
Good Luck
Happy New Year
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Avatar_f_tn
I am sorry but it sounds like she really doesnt want to admit she is a lesbian....i highly doubt it but I could be wrong and if I am then I apologize......sex is not give and take it is intimate and every part of it should always be enjoyed by both partners.....just because your first time was amazing doesn't mean she enjoyed it and as a virgin it could have been painful for her and scared her away from intercourse so if you really love her be patient and when she is ready she will let you know....you can talk to her about her feelings on the subject but if you push too much you will push her away and if she doesn't want intercourse and feels forced to have it she will become bitter towards you about it.......good luck
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Avatar_f_tn
I am sorry but it sounds like she really doesnt want to admit she is a lesbian....i highly doubt it but I could be wrong and if I am then I apologize......sex is not give and take it is intimate and every part of it should always be enjoyed by both partners.....just because your first time was amazing doesn't mean she enjoyed it and as a virgin it could have been painful for her and scared her away from intercourse so if you really love her be patient and when she is ready she will let you know....you can talk to her about her feelings on the subject but if you push too much you will push her away and if she doesn't want intercourse and feels forced to have it she will become bitter towards you about it.......good luck
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Avatar_m_tn
She's not a lesbian.  Bi sexual yes but not a lesbian.  She's only had boyfriends.  Do to an abusive father she has trust issues with guys and doesn't like to let them in too close, physically or mentally.  I'm the first one she has let get so close to her physically and mentally and I'm the first person she's ever loved.  Girl's on the other hand she does trust, probably because her mother is her favorite person and is actually there for her.  She loves me and definitely wants to be with me.  

I guess what I meant about give and take is that you have to be willing to do certain things for your partner you might not physically enjoy yourself.  For instance, I don't get any physical pleasure out of giving her oral sex, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy doing it, because it makes her happy.  I am willing to give her all the time in the world, but intercourse is something I want and I think she should, in time, be open to trying it for my sake, if she really cares for me.  She might not have any personal desire or urge, but once she is totally comfortable with me I hope she would be willing to try again.

and FYI it was a little painful for her but not because of the hymen, that was already broken (not by sexual activity).  
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi E, You just need to wait, she needs your love but loves comes in all forms, and that does not mean sex/intercourse, though the is a great joy between to lovers, but there lovers who trust each other, and getting into the comfort zone.
When that times comes she will let you know, but be patient with her till then, and next time use lots of lubricant to make it easer for you both.
Good Luck
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Avatar_m_tn
You're absolutely right, thanks for the advice.  I don't care about having sex right now, what I care about is sex being an option in the future.  I'm willing to go slow and do what she's comfortable with for as long as we need to, but I want to know she's willing to try what I like some time down the road, even if it's not something she physically desires for herself.  I can totally get not being comfortable yet.  When she is completely comfortable with me, I hope shes open to giving it a few more tries.  I still think I can get something going for her if she gives me the chance.
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580755_tn?1357673215
I have to side with an above poster that she might be into women more then men and may never want to have sex.
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Avatar_m_tn
she's into girls more than men physically, but shes no lesbian.  she wants to be with me, but sex is a big deal and hard for her since penetration is not something that gets her off.  ive read other articles that talk about girls going years never feeling anything and finally seek out advice.  so im getting ideas else where as well.  basically my girlfriend is worth the wait and the patience needed to get where i want and i believe i can get there.
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Avatar_f_tn
I am sorry if I offended you with my opinion that was not my intent just an observation I made from your comments and from seeing this type of sutuation with a friend so I will answer your question directly and only that...no she should not allow you to penetrate her just to make you happy if she is not comfortable with it then you have 2 choices accept it and love her anyways and continue to hope she.will one day want what u want or mive on cuz no woman should feel obligated to have intercourse and if u maker feel that way and she does what u want she will resent you for it and it will kill your relationship
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Avatar_f_tn
You seem to be pretty knowledgeable about all of this. Good for you for doing research. I think it might be a good idea for your girlfriend to get in to counseling. She is having sex with both men and women and is afraid, or does'nt want intercourse. It very well me be because of childhood abuse, which needs to be addressed.
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Avatar_m_tn
how do you convince someone they need counseling?  is it like quitting smoking: it's something only they can believe they want?  because you're absolutely right she's been mentally abused and at times physically (never sexually) by her father her entire life and she's still living at home right now (senior in high school).  i do my best but i do think counseling would be a wise choice.
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi E, for now just try and find the right consiller fro her problem and then when you have done that, and its only then, talk to her as though you know somebody doing the same thing and ease her in slowly, dont forget its her body and her mnid that you going to be playing with, so please treat her very gentle, the is something you cant rush, in Greek we say cigar, cigar, slowly, slowly.
Good Luck
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Avatar_f_tn
If I were you I would talk to her and tell her that you know about her childhood and you're concerned it effected her. How could it not? Like you said, she may be afraid of men because of this reason and that's why she feels more comfortable with girls. She may not be bi-sexual at all. It could very well be because of her childhood trauma.
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