I am 29 and he is 28. We have been married going on 3 years. At the beginning of our marriage I got very depressed and was put on medication. This cause a decrease in my libido. I did address this and made efforts to change things. Sex is an important part of my marriage.
Now for the last year and a half my husband has not been in the mood. Back ache, head ache, tension or whatever. He always has a reason. I do what I can to be understanding, but things have been getting tough.
I have gone 8 months without. He has tried but half way through he finds a reason to have to stop. He does not have an erectile issue. It is more that he just is not interested. He will initiate in his sleep, but as soon as he wakes and realizes what he is doing he goes back to sleep. Now he just tells me that he does not feel like having sex much and he is not a sexual person. He went five years before he met me and he was raised by older parents "Father is almost 80" who never talked openly about sex and most certainly never showed any PDA of any kind. They are a bit cold, but nice. I was raised totally the opposite.
He tells me he loves me every day. He is good and loving to me always and I do not think he is cheating or anything like that. .
I have offered to do things differently, but he really is not interested. He is not depressed or over stressed and not on any medications. He does smoke like a chimney and is about 20lbs over weight.
What are somethings I can do to help?
He has thought about having his testosterone levels checked, but I really don't think that is the issue or he would have ED and he don't. He said he would not take medication for the issue because he does not feel it is that serious.
Well it may not be serious to him but clearly its serious to you! And that should make it serious to him.
Was your sex life different before all of this started? Did you USED to have sex a lot or certainly more often than this and there was a sudden drop off? Or has your sex life always been somewhat less than what you would like?
It's hard to say anything for certain, not knowing him, but to give you the generic male perspective there's only a few reasons why a man would not have sex with his wife:
1. He's not interested anymore
2. He's getting it somewhere else
3. There's somethign physically or emotionally going on.
His behavior doesnt' seem to suggest that he's cheating or lost interest in you, also you don't have any suspicions so it's probably safe to cross those off the list.
Yeah his background and upbringing might be partially to blame but if your sex life used to be better and now its changed then it's probably not just about him having a low sex drive. On the other hand, if it's alway kinda been this way then this is just the way he is and it shouldn't come as a complete surprise to you, even if it has decreased
low testosterone and ED don't always go hand in hand. One doesn't necesserily have anything to do with the other, or cause the other either. Being overweight and smoking a lot doesn't help a man feel sexy or get in the mood if he's generally unhealthy or out of shape also. There could be some emotional problem involved that's killing his sex drive or maybe his overall health isn't doing much for it either. It couldn't hurt to see a doctor just to make sure everythings going okay.
Option #4 is that this is just him and his speed. It'd be somewhat uncommon for a young guy like him to not have a bigger sexual appetite but it's not unheard of. Maybe this is just him?
I recently found some earrings in my house. Since I do not wear earrings at all I can safely assume they are not mine. Strange thing is they were sitting right out ion the open on the mantel. Must not be trying very hard. Gosh I am stupid.
I would say (it is clear he is cheating, from what I read in your first post I would say Cheat, he wants you when he is half a sleep , but when he wakes up he sees what he is doing, then he trys to fall asleep. ) fishy. he is in another relationship and is only having sex with her, he feels if he cums in you it is cheating and where his heart is, is with the one he cums in. I am soooo sorry to say. I was in a relationship like that for 5yrs, not anymore.
I say you can either Give him a taste of his own meds or you can leave and file for divorce, if he is leaving earrings for you to find ,
maybe he wants you to show him you want him and still love him
it is his way of telling you it is over . cuz he doesn't have the balls to tell you like a man that it is over for him.
I WISH YOU THE BEST .
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