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My husband makes me feel dysfunctional because I can't orgasm thro...
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My husband makes me feel dysfunctional because I can't orgasm through intercourse.

My husband had 2 partners before me who said that they orgasmed through intercourse.  He is my first and only partner.  Because of the experience he had with these 2 prior women, he thinks that I should be able to orgasm through intercourse.  I just can't.  My G-spot could be stimulated all day long and while it feels good, it just doesn't feel like it will ever lead to orgasm.  When I tell him this, he gets ANGRY and tells me that I don't know what I'm talking about.  It's MY body, so I think I do.  It makes him so frustrated that he isn't bringing me to orgasm through intercourse that he avoids sex like that plague.  We will be celebrating our first anniversary this year and we have had sex less than 25 times.  Shouldn't newleyweds be having sex 25 times a month?  

I enjoy sex a lot and I would have sex with him multiple times a day if he would do it, but he won't because I can't orgasm through intercourse and he said that me having to orgasm clitorally makes him feel like he can't do anything.  He does oral and everything, and I do orgasm that way, but it doesn't satisfy him.  How can I make him see that it is satisfying to me and that's what should matter.  We have never had good sex because he complains about it, which makes it hard for me to relax enough to orgasm at all.

Very frustrating.
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10 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_m_tn
well I have learned that sometimes all a women need to do is just relax and not be tense during sex and it usually leads to a orgasm.now i understand he is your first and your body is probably still getting use to the sexual change and i know this from personal experince from being with first timers.just give it time and it shall come and if not than you are probably among the women who just cannot have a orgasm no matter what is done.as long as he is pleasuring you he should not worry about you having a orgasm cuz it will ruin the sex and i know he wants to feel like a man cuz he made you orgasm but sometimes you can feel like a man not making her doing so.try some foreplay before having sex to stimulate yourself and him,also be close and passionate during sex,try to close your mind down to just being with him,it might just heighten your senses
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684030_tn?1357024374
You're right... he's able to satisfy you and bring you to orgasm and that's what "should" count. And, for most men that would be ecstasy. Only, it's not happening the way that he's used to; and, therein lies the frustration and disappointment. So, it's understandable the he might see your non-responsiveness, during intercourse, as a negative reflection on his sexual prowess and lovemaking skills.

Just tell him that avoiding and complaining about sex won't fix things... and suggest to him that there are more and different sexual positions that need to be explored and that the potential to have that orgasm is there... only, he needs to find a way to bring it out.

As a guide, I highly recommend Dr. Alex Comfort's, "Joy of Sex" and "More Joy of Sex."
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1229242_tn?1267427146
Hello there, I've being married for 6 years now and let me tell you I don't have orgasms during sex, my husband knows about it, at first I was the one frustrated like you said newly weds have a lot sex, but getting ANGRY does not resolve anything.
If he loves you which I think he does, he just want to make you satisfied. On the other hand HE should hold his horses a little bit, just because he THINKS he had experience doesn't mean he knows what he is doing. I believe you guys are a young couple and love one another, COMMUNICATION is a MUST in a relationship, if he does not want to understand by you explaining to him that YOU  know your OWN body more than anyone, I REALLY ENCOURAGE you both to do COUPLES COUNSELING.
TRUST ME, it helps a lot, my husband and I went through it together the first year of our marriage,  even though he thinks he is the smartest man alive and cannot listen to someone  else that is looking from the outside of the relationship.
Also if you really have concern about why you don't have orgasms when you guys have intercourse, make an appointment with your gynecologist and take your hubby along with you so he can HEAR a few facts about women that he might not know about; if he have intercourse with you and keeps forcing himself for you to have an orgasm, he might end up hurting you and THAT you don't want. You might want children one day and so is he.
ALL WOMEN ARE NOT THE SAME, HE CANNOT COMPARE YOU WITH OTHER WOMEN HE WAS WITH.
HE MARRY YOU FOR A REASON, HE LOVES YOU AND HE NEED A LITTLE PEP TALK FROM THE PROFESSIONALS.
Two previous partners does NOT  make him an expert, they probably fake it anyway, and you are being real, so don't feel bad, you know best.
Good Luck and HAPPY FIRST ANIVERSSARY
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Avatar_m_tn
From what I've read and understand, many women, quite likely a majority of women, cannot reach orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation.  It's just not possible for them.  Of course, many men probably don't realise how common this is, because their partners have faked it!  And of course there are some women who can climax through penetration alone.

You've got two, related problems here.  The first is, how to reach orgasm during sex.  The second (and probably harder) is whether your husband can adjust his attitude towards this.

You've said you can orgasm clitorally, so that's what you should do!  You should massage your clit while having sex to reach climax - this can be achieved in most positions, but obviously some are easier than others.  If you can do this without problems, you might want to try clitoral stimulators - these are like a thick rubber band that goes round the base of the penis (with the side advantage of making him and keeping him extra-hard), with a bit of rubber sticking out that will rub against your clit as he thrusts.  All sorts of styles available, check out any sex toy website.  It is harder to reach climax with these toys, since he is in control of the pace rather than you, but it might work for you.

How you address your husband's attitude, I'm not so sure.  Given his reaction to this, I'm getting the feeling that he's impatient, doesn't truly listen to you, and has a fragile ego.  The problem is, he just doesn't understand your body, or doesn't want to.  The clitoris is the centre of female stimulation, it is the clit that is the female equivalent of the penis, not the vagina.  If he really understood this, he might be more sympathetic to the need to have the clit stimulated.  How you can pursuade him of this fact I'm not sure.

P.S. I bet his previous girlfriends were faking it, whatever he believes...
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1331120_tn?1276488096
well he feels that you stepped on his ego on what you said to him. he thinks that he's goo because he make his 2 past partners to reach orgasm, but then he's not. maybe he's luck or his past partner faked it.LOL
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Avatar_f_tn
This will come across mean but, why did you marry this guy in the first place?
Obviously a relationship is based off a lot more than sex. But WE all KNOW sex is a large part of a relationship for most.
If you want to continue the pattern of women not having a voice in sex or about their bodies that's fine. But, I think you'll regret it! You don't want this to be the issue that has either one of you stepping outside of your marriage to get pleased.
TOYS TOYS TOYS! If he's a real man he won't be threatened by it. And, most importantly you can guys can explore your body and bond through this.

Also, try pulling his body close to you so when he's penetrating he's also grinding against your clitoris with his body.

Good Luck!
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Avatar_f_tn
He's only frustrated because he' not used to having someone who can't orgasm that way. Though MANY women cannot orgasm through intercourse alone, and need clitoral stimulation. Tell him you want to try new positions, maybe try where you're on top. This position can help you to get the clitoral stimulation you need to orgasm and it's not some 'extra' thing such as oral sex that he'd have to do to help you. Win win for both. Just an idea... Good luck!
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1305762_tn?1311552599
Honestly your husband sounds like a real jerk!

Some women will never or only RARELY have an orgasm through intercourse. There's no rhyme or reason to it thats just the way they are and it sounds like you could fall into that category. It's okay. That's normal.

The fact that you have orgasms other ways is a sign that you're able to have them and he should focus on doing the things that make YOU happy and not getting angry becase it doesn't please HIM.

He's being a really selfish **** if you ask me. He obviously doesn't know what HE is talking about. It's YOUR body and YOU know what you like. It doesn't matter what HE wants. And it's very funny how he wants to belittle you for not knowing what you're talking about when he's only been with two other women.

He needs to suck it up and do what he needs to do to please YOU. You telling him "this is what I like" should be enough!!! Tell him to get off his high horse because he doesnt know what he's talking about, he doesn't understand women, he's not as experienced as he thinks he is, and he's being a jerk by getting angry at you for what is a completely normal, very COMMON thing.

Too many women worrying about pleasing their man and not about pleasing themselves. He's getting sex and he's having his orgasms. That's enough for him. Tell him what he needs to do to give you yours!
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Avatar_f_tn
I have been married for 4 going on 5 months now. My husband is the only guy I ever had sex with and we only started having sex around 3 months before we got married. So we have been havong sex for about 8 months now and I still have not had an orgasm. I am terrified that this will end up ruining our marriage. He says that it is my fault that I can't come becausr I have never fingered myself or masturbated. What can I do to make myself have an orgasm? Do I really have to start fongering myself? What should I be thinking about during sex?
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139792_tn?1299416777
You can search in the internet. Put question or words in the address field and click the search. kegel exercise is technique and therapy for sexual problems. you can enhanse your pleasure by doing kegel during intercourse. there are number of websites on kegel. It is developed and prescribed by a doctor.
If you are on top you can rub your clitoris very easiy with the dorsal part of penis. YOur partner can lean on you and can rub your clitoris with the dorsal part of his penis. Massage your perinium( small muscle betwee vagina and annus. Ask you partner to withdraw his penis and keep half an about one inch inside vagina. there is a hot spot. you can grip his penis with that hotspot area.
You may surprize your husband by kegeling him. First identify the muscle which is to be conracted, This is the muscle we contract to stop the flos of urine. Practice for sometime. while doing intercourse just contract that muscle. He will fee the difference.He can kegel you.If he contracts the kegel muscle, movement of the penis will be vertical. this will give you different type of sensations.
Fast breathing through the mouth at the time of fast pumping, you may get orgasm.
Kundalini yoga can give you lot of techniques. of course it is mainly for man. You can find some technique useful to you.
Do not get discouraged. you can learn from the internet.Wish you best of luck.
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