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My partner watch porn and lying about it
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My partner watch porn and lying about it

I really liked your comment to the debate and I agree with you in so many ways.
My partner (male) used to watch a lot of porn before we became a couple and afterwards as well. When we started dating it didn't bother me, actually we were watching porn together. I have never really watched porn so I thought it was quite interesting and it turned me on.
But suddenly it started to bother me...we have sex 1-3 a day since we meet each other a year ago. So loads of sex. He is a guy with a big sex drive but luckily for both of us so have I.
I guess I thought his need for porn would be = zero with the amount of sex we have and I have a hart time understanding why he still need to watch porn....
I really understand guys who watch porn because their partner doesn't  have the same sex drive as the other and they have a need
but this is nok the case! We couldnt have more sex, (on less we made a business out of it:)
I told him how I feel about it. I didn't ask him to stop but he said himself that he wouldn't do it anymore if it hurt my feelings and it was only because he wasn't aware it was such a big deal for me. and he said sorry for hurting me and it wasn't a big deal to stop as it was just an old habit to jump on the porn side once in a while.........
But then I find out the other day that he still watch porn which really made me upset.
1. That he was watching porn in secret even though he knows it makes me feel sad
2. But the worst thing is that he lied to me about that he didn't had the need but just a habit. I never told him to stop it ( but because I was really happy when he said that he would and it wasn't a big deal) and then he does it anyway .....aw!
I compare myself to the girls all the time (I am a attractive girl with small breast though) I have no doubt that my partner finds me attractive (otherwise we wouldn't do it 1-3 daily) but I know he likes big breasts and I can't stop thinking and compare myself to the big **** that pops into his face when he watch porn and it is something I don't have....

I'm going to confront him with it no doubt but I just want your opinion on this and maybe some reasons for why he still wants to watch porn even though our sex life is great?
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11 Comments Post a Comment
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209987_tn?1334790318
My husband was big on porn when we met.
I let him know that it bothered me, when it became clear that it was "seemingly required".
He told me that he would quit...he did...in front of me that is.
Whenever the kids and I go out of town he watches it...but that's ok, because he isn't pushing it on me anymore.
Does it really matter what he does when you aren't around?
If he had someone else in your home when you were away wouldn't that be worse?
Porn addiction can be a serious thing...when it starts to affect relationships, work, etc.
IF your sex life is still good, and nothing else is being affected...I wouldn't worry about it too much.
But, it is your life...and if you can't handle it then perhaps it's time for the two of you to seek counselling...or time to leave.
Yes, it's unfortunate that he has lied to you, but would you rather he do it in front of you or away from you?

Just a few things to think about.
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1530342_tn?1384926301
Ditto what Tschock said!
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Avatar_n_tn
Thanks for your comment....

Well, I was around the days he did it, and also we had sex once or twice and still he needed the porn....

I know it shouldn't bother me as I probably can't find many who can actually say they got a better sex life than we do.....! but still I can't stop the feeling of being let down by his lie that it wasn't a big deal for him and he could easily stop as it was just an old habit but infact that was a lie too.....

I would understand the need for porn if I didn't had the sex drive as him but we do have sex 1-3 times a day since we met a year ago which is amazing we still have such a great sex life, I just can't stop thinking why that isn't good enough......!
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1530342_tn?1384926301
What bothers you more, the fact that he watches porn? or the fact that he told you he would quit and didn't?....He's a man, and he's going to watch it. It's just something that you have no control of. If you think he has a Porn addiction then like T said, you need to seek counseling as a couple...Good luck!
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Avatar_n_tn
I guess a little mix of both bothers me.... !
The fact he lied hurts in the way he didn't had the guts to be honest with me in the first place and have broken my trust to him a little....not only about this subject, I'm just thinking if he can't be honest with this will there be other issues where he isn't honest

And the fact he needs to still watch porn when our sex life is great is just a mystery to me.....!

But I'm really working hard in my mind and tell myself it shouldn't be a big deal when everything else is fine....!
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1530342_tn?1384926301
Well your point is valid...I think the reason he lied is because he knew you would be upset if he didn't stop. Men are different. He probably thought I'll just tell her I quit and just watch it when she's not around. I really don't think there was anything malicious about it unless there are other things he's lied about during your relationship. My husband used to watch porn and he told me he'd stop and he did (in front of me..lol) I just finally accepted the fact that men are men. Sometimes there's no rhyme of reason as to why they "need" porn or whatever. If your relationship is solid and there are no other issues for you to think otherwise of him, then I don't think you should worry.
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Avatar_f_tn
My boyfriend watches porn but only when I'm out of the house. I ask him if he did and says no. Also to our sex life isn't there I ask for sex and get no not in the mood or other excuses but yet can later watch porn. I've told him how I feel about it and that if he's that horny I'm beside him. We have sex maybe once to twice a month. I've told him how I feel and continues to do it even suggested watching it together and again a no. I don't know what to do to increase our sex life I've tried everything.
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Avatar_m_tn
Is Internet Pornography Cheating?

Internet pornography is a growing trend that has many people worried about their relationships. Is it cheating? And is it a "normal guy thing"? Here's what Dr. Phil believes:

It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.

Consider how it makes your partner feel. If it makes your partner feel ugly, hurt, deceived, lied to or inadequate, then it needs to stop. If it is eroding your relationship, it's gone too far.

Pornography isn't real, it's a fantasy. It's makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It's also somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She's demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she's being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It's not healthy, it's not natural and it's not normal.

Viewing Internet pornography or engaging in cybersex is a short step to taking cheating to the next level.

You need to tell your partner that viewing pornography is absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable in your relationship. Draw a line: Your partner needs to choose between the pornography or the relationship.

Ask yourself or your partner:

Would you do it with your partner standing right there?

Are you turning outside of your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship? You can't change what you don't acknowledge, so find out if you or your partner have a problem.

Do you justify the behavior by saying, "It's harmless," "Everyone does it," or "It's just the Internet"?

Does it intrude on your relationship?

Which is more important: pornography or your relationship?
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Avatar_f_tn
Watch Don Jon it isn't bad it's only bad when it becomes addiction when your man won't go into bed with you and tells u he loves you. Sex is everywhere I don't think we to embrace it. Try attacking him try something he wouldn't picture u doing you know surprise him. If you really want to turn him on try doing this... When he's watching porn whisper into his ear and tell him "why don't **** me like that?.." Put on your sexy voice I'm sure every girl has one after that walk slowly to a room close by wear something hot before whispering in his ear btw when ur in the room look behind you to see if he's there if not lay on something comfortable and masterbate, bare with me moan to a point where he can slightly hear it try to get yourself ready him he'll come running try little things like that here and there make him feel that you can get yourself off too guys like showing they can charge after you with their sex drive they might be shy at first but he'll know u want it eventually go crazy on you if these things don't work then he either has an addiction ... He's over you...he's cheated on you..he's gay and porn is a cover up...he's cheated on you...a lot of guys not all but majority of them have a big sex drive so try to be up for it sooner or later he'll be after u more then his porn and girls don't come off as insecure like with ur body guys like confidence as much as u girls want from them too it becomes a turn off when a guy sees it anyway hope this helps
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Avatar_m_tn
It's very hard to stop when you abuse something I'm coming of from drinking alcohol and smoking weed everyday as well as looking at pornography everyday which I have stopped this past week. All I can say is if its addressed then the thought should set in and hopefully can make a change on its own. But unfortunately not every one thinks the same like I said its very hard to just quit something so suddenly give it time and keep pushing how you feel about it to him
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6914279_tn?1389061200
BenniBen<-100% agree with that post
You're relationship should learn to be between you and him, If he cannot comform himself with the body you have. Love is not taking its course there.. he has to appreciate YOU. God bless you!:)
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