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Porn in a loving relationship
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Porn in a loving relationship

I really need help with this as I'm absolutely clueless on what to think. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, have been living with him for 2. Everything is great and we live each other dearly. I've known he is in to porn long before we moved in together and it didn't bother me at all as we were seeing each other usually twice a week. The issue became much bigger and now it's really distroying me after we moved in together. He looks at porn pretty much every morning- I leave for work before him in  and he is straight at it, the evenings that I'm out and he is at home he looks at porn. Even after having sex with me the previous night he will follow it up with porn the morning after. I've never had anything against porn and I think that everything is good but in moderation. In the past when I confronted him about it his usual answer was that it's a normal thing and all blokes do it. After talking to few close friends, thinking about my previous relationship and doing some reaserch I really don't think what he is doing is do normal. I feel like I'm not enough and can't satisfy him 100% as he needs to look at porn so often in a loving relationship. He still showers me with love and affection but I feel so low about myself that it's really starting to affect me. I'm petrified about the thought of how our relationship is going to look like in 20 years when we have children, have less time for each other and probably sex won't be exciting anymore-if he is into porn now when we are young (late 20s) and still attracted to each other what will happen in the future?! Can someone please tell me how can I accept it and not let it ruin me.
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Avatar_f_tn
If he were doing this say, a couple times a week I would'nt be too concerned. But, doing it as much as he is seems to be a real problem. Do you feel comfortable enough to talk to him about counseling? I think you're right to be concerned about your future together when you would have children and things would be different.
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Avatar_f_tn
I don't think he would do counselling as its seems I am the "bad one" for bringing the issue up and letting it bother me. He really believes its normal and I've got absolutely no right for getting upset as he treats me so well...
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Avatar_f_tn
He does treat you very well in other areas. But, this is something that is really bothering you and even effecting your self esteem. That's not good. It sounds like he is addicted to porn and needs some help to stop watching it. I would recommend really thinking about this relationship and if you can live with his addiction. If he won't get in to counseling for it, then you have some big decisions to make. I really don't think it has anything to do with you at all. It's an addiction and he needs help to stop doing it.
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Avatar_m_tn
I agree about looking at it as an addiction. I have seen information suggesting porn is addicting. Brains do funny things. Tobacco contains chemicals that cause addiction. Alcoholism is an addiction. Recreational drugs can become addicting. If he can't stop for a period of time, he is addicted. The shorter the stopped period, the more heavily the addiction? One very important concept to remember; THAT very first heroin high can never be duplicated with the same amount and % strength. There is always a need for more, as in escalation. My guess, and is only a guess, is that to continue to get the endorphin highs, his escalation needs to occur. So instead of looking at photos of whatever body part or area originally satisfied him, he will need to get into action videos, which ultimately will not satisfy his needs. So then the more perverted or hard core becomes the next step. Hey, if that is what it takes on screen, then my wife should be enjoying some of this in reality too. Etc, etc, etc.
Remember back to your relationship beginning. What kind of porn was he into then? Now, go into the recent computer history. Look at the direction he is currently going. Maybe watch the most recent video and decide if the wife really wants to be an actual reality participant. How long do you want to ride a runaway train on a downhill grade?
YOU have some decisions to make because "he has no problems doing what he considers normal".
Best wishes
OldPapa
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Avatar_m_tn
After I posted my above post, I went back up and reread your original. You are not the wife, but the girlfriend. He does not have the commitment you are giving him.
I quote you "I feel like I'm not enough and can't satisfy him 100% ..." Bingo! You win! An addict cannot be satisfied! The only reason he waits until the next morning to go look at porn, is not that he was satisfied the night before. He is typical male, but he was to tired to get out of bed. If he had any remaining energy left, he would have been out there.
You NEED to erase ANY long term plans with him because he has no need to change, no desire to change. He has a live-in girlfriend, probably giving him the best, most loving, most frequent sex she is capable of. BUT, that does not satisfy an addiction! When she is not there, he has unlimited porn. Any and all kinds of porn. I can give you a wide variety of "WHAT IFs", but I will only throw you one. What if "his thing" eventually becomes Pre-teen girls? And you have became pregnant with twin daughters?
You are currently riding a runaway train, down hill and have not YET arrived at the crash site.
Don't think about it! Just acknowledge you had got to jump as you are bailing out!
I have Sugar-Coated this the best I could, best wishes
Old Papa
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