I have a step-son who is 16 years old. His mother died when he was 7 and I can a year later. I have a 15 and 17 year old girls and then his father and I had another girl who is now 5. My step-son has on a regular basis spent time with his mothers parents and just lately got kicked out of there because he was going there high on drugs and making messes all over the place. But worst of all he was watching porn on there computer late at night and taking his grandmothers clothes out of the spare closet and ejaculating in them. Leaving them for her to pick up. He is no long welcome there and they are lovely people. Last night his father and I were searching his room to make sure he had been behaving himself and found my 15 year old daughters dirty panties in a pair of his jeans in his dirty laundry and also a used contem in a shoe box it was full of sperm. He does not have girls over and has never had a girlfriend so I assume he just did it himself. The box was on his floor with the dirty contem. What if my 5 year old came across that ? Please is this all normal because I don't feel it is ? Is this all signs of something I should watch out for ? Thanks in advance for your help.
Teenage boys can do some unusual things. I know, I am one. If he's never had a girlfriend, do you know if he's ever "experimented" with a girl? Watching porn only makes boys hornier, and if they don't have someone to..."release" these feelings with, they'll likely take matters into their own hands (literally!).
My advice would be to give him "the talk". Don't be too intrusive, but let him know that, if he must do these things, to A) Leave other people's clothes out of it and B) Don't make a mess, clean up, and make it so no one will ever know.
Basically, what i'm saying is, don't trust him to stop on his own if this is that big of a problem.
There are a lot of things my parents have no idea about, when it comes to my siblings and I. I don't know about the clothing things, but the other stuff is normal. Watching porn, hiding porn, using condoms or socks. I know there was a man who posted a week or so ago, talking about feeling guilty because he used to fondle his sisters at night when he was a teenager. Which is gross. So I would at least bring up to him that you found your daughters underwear in his hamper so that he is aware that his actions aren't acceptable.
I think that around that that age there are a lot of things that go through your mind. When a child wants attention from their parent they rarely ever tell them. Maybe it would be good for him to have a father son trip. He has no one else to talk to when it comes to his mother or at least no one other than his father he would probably like to hear things from. My 4 cousins lost both of their parents and I'm sure it was hard for them to deal. The oldest was 8 and youngest was 1 1/2. There is still some sort of tension there when they talk about their parents. All they have to go by is old pictures and family comments. It's better to hear things from someone who was closest to them. It could certainly help him open up more to his father about his feelings on other subjects. About why he may be acting out or why he's done other things. Or finding him an activity that he's interested in where he could have more interaction with teenagers his own age who are motivated about said interest. Anything that will help him find motivation to move past what he's stuck over. So he isn't still living at home when he's 20 and if he is, to at least be contributing something towards the household. My stepsister is 21, still living at home and not contributing at all. My stepmother would let her get away with murder. It's ridiculous. Anyway, maybe something I said could help or lead you to another way to help him.
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