Self-Conscious about vagina

[littlenabu]

When I was 21 years old I had some very bad things said to me about my vagina by what I now know was an abusive boyfriend.  After we broke up, I did not have sex with another man for 3 years and when I finally did, I ended up marrying that man.  I know my husband loves me, we have a very strong marriage and communicate pretty well, in all areas except sex.  After several bad fights over the last few years over sex, I think it has finally surfaced that I have a serious problem with being self-conscious about my vagina, and it has interferred with what should be one of the most important aspects of our marriage.  I had my first child 17 months ago, had an episiotomy which tore even further during my forcepts-assisted delivery.  My tear dehisced early during healing and I have an irregular scar near my anus that causes some hygeine problems.  I am 7 months pregnant again and had to use a mirror to groom recently and took a good look at myself and it only made me feel worse about myself.  Being so self-conscious is really affecting my sexual relationship with my husband and I do not know what to do about it.  Therapy?  Surgery after next baby?  Just try and get over it?  I have literally been in tears every time I think about it.

[jimpy9]

try get over it.clearly ur x bf had an effect , u have had children for god sake ur vagina is perfect and ur pregnant now ,try not to get in tears occupy urself with other things when uthink about b happy littlenabu!!

[tonyad]

  Hello,
  
   So sorry that you had such a jerk for a boyfriend and who obviously left emotional damage on you. How unfair!   let me first start off by saying that not all Vaginas look alike just as not all breast look alike nor do penis'.

   With that being said, let me add that looking at your Vagina now, being pregnant, certainly does not look the same as a non - pregnant vagina! So No worries there either.

     Getting preganant so soon after the birth of your first child your incision never really got a chance to heal. After this baby is born...you will heal and things will start to look better. The length between your perineum area (area between the vagina and the anus)
will never look the same after child birth BUT...that does NOT mean that it will not work the same :)

     Continue to Kegals while you are pregnant, this will also help during childbirth.  You do not have to wait to give birth to this baby to be sexy and a Tiger in bed now!  surprise him one night and have some candles lit spray your sheets down with a nice perfume, and perhaps start him off w/ a nice masage.....Then take it from there.

      I would like to add, that just becasue this man is your husband still does NOT give him a right to emotionally abuse you just as your ex did!  Do not tolerate and continue to cause emotional damage to yourself. This is Not healthy!

     Good Luck and Be Safe,
~Tonya

[AnnieBrooke]

No matter what one's equipment looks like, it's the enthusiasm they bring to bed and the fun they have there that is sexy to their partner.  (This goes not only for women who are self-conscious about their vagina but for men who imagine their penis is too small, too curved, too wide, etc.)  Let's invent an extreme example -- someone who was riding a spiky bicycle seat and had a terrible accident and had to go to the local doctor, Dr. Frankenstein, to get stitched up, and now has a big cross-hatch of scars all over her hoochie region.  Say further that she loves sex and hops in bed with a big smile, and does a whole bunch of creative things with her lover, and everyone always has great orgasms and is very satisfied.  Her lover would get a big hard one just thinking about her scars and patches.  Scars and patches would be the "in" thing for great sex.

It doesn't matter a darn whether your hoochie looks cross-hatched or not, it's your own great, well-functioning hoochie and it can sing and dance for joy if you get happy about having sex with your great guy instead of getting derailed into the dead-end of self-consciousness.  Your vicious ex set you a life trap with his comments, but you do not have to believe him, or to let your future sexual enjoyment be held hostage by him.  That's giving him too much power over your present life.  And the scars that came from childbirth are honorable scars.  Would you sneer at a man who had battle scars from fighting for your child's life?  Of course not.

So, get to a therapist, and let yourself think about learning to enjoy sex for the fun it brings you.  No matter what the football looks like that you bring to the game, the fun is in playing the game.