Sex and Religion. How far can you go?

[Yonder348]

Hi, I have been dating this girl for a month, and she happens to be a Protestant. And I know that having premarital sex is prohibited by her faith, but my question is, how far is one allowed to go in these situations without having sex? Is foreplay allowed? Because I really don't know if a relationship with just kissing and holding hands can be very long term nowadays.

[julee343]

Altho this subject posts are old....I was brought up in a strict household where sex was taboo subject. I lost my virginity to an older boy when I was 16 because I had no coping mechanisms or idea of how to say no. The sky didnt fall in and I became sexually active and by the time I married had several longterm partners and had enjoyed casual sex including one nighters in between. I was promiscuous to the extreme for a while. It wasnt until my wedding night that I realised the gift I had denied my husband. Two yrs later I found myself in a domestic violent situation with regular rapes, physical assaults and verbal abuse. Eight yrs later I got out and now, after 14yrs of celibacy I am about to embrace sex again ... After my marriage I cannot believe that God would deny me a happy sex life just because I am not married. My dad blamed the bad marriage on me for my premarriage sex...gods way of telling me I was sinful. I dont accept that. He knows I have a new man and has told me he expects me to not have sex unless I marry. I am 54 for goodness sake! I dont see premarital sex as a religious thing......just think of it as the ultimate gift for a man. If I had held off it would have been one more thing I would have regretted giving the bully and violent man I married. So whether to hold off or not is up to the individual. Both my daughters planned to lose their virginity as a part of thegrowth. One was 15 and the other 17. One is sexually promiscuous the other not. I love and support both and do not judge. Both lost their virginity at home in a caring safe household. It was their right of passage and I thought it better than in the back of a car like me. I knew and made sure they had condoms and were on the pill. They both say they would have done it anyway with or without my help...and feel blessed they had my support...no regrets They use birth control and for casual sex, condoms. Yes they still bring partners home. Sex is a beautiful act between consenting people....religion should butt out!

[Yonder348]

Like I said, sex was out of question. I'm Christian too, so I know that. But I'm Russian Orthodox and they don't have sex before marriage, but nothing is said about foreplay. But I think it's just because foreplay as a whole does not exist in the countries of the former Soviet Union.
And I'm not pressuring her, no way, I was just wondering how much there was to do without the sex, and without contradicting her faith. But I get the picture now, so thanks everyone

[Judy246]

Fornication is  simply intercouse  or sex between individuals  (singles) that are not married and in religious instituions it's consider a venial sin (venial is not mortal, but still a sin of the flesh). In other words, having sex and not being married. Has nothing to do with cheating at all ...it's having sex and not being married. Look it up in your computer "fornication". I don't think fornication is cheating on anyone, but it goes against many religous institutional beliefs. You can't cheat on future husband if you are not married and having sex, that doesn't make sense to me :)

[heatherlynn22]

premarital sex is a sin. that's what judy is saying. and to those who are devout to their religion will not have premarital sex. and in a way it can be viewed as cheating on her future husband. there are those who will not kiss anyone prior to their wedding day.

if you don't see yourself with her for the long haul do not pressure her to have sex. be happy holding hands. if you HAVE to have sex it might be best to find another g/f.

[Yonder348]

Yeah, thanks.. I'll look into the motives of both of us.. not that we have any, we just have feelings for each other I guess.
But what do you mean by fornication outside marriage if there IS no marriage? It's not like she's cheating on her future husband by being with me... That would make not only sex cheating, but also kissing, something that doesn't make any sense at all! :D

[Judy246]

I agree with tibabi....lots of great long hugs and great ong kisses...but there is also the temptation to go a little bit further...we are human, it happens.

[Judy246]

Sexual Intercourse out of marriage is considered a fornication, therefore a sin of the flesh and forplay although not fornication is considered  a venial sin of the flesh. In other words, both intercourse and forplay a no, no :) Any sexual contact should be strickly for married people....the bible said it, not I for those who have strong personal opinions on Relgion.

[musicalrina]

you just need to think what are your motives in this relationship and what are hers, if they're not the same the best thing to do is find other people.

[heatherlynn22]

if you already know you can not survive until marriage without sex do the decent thing and leave her now. if she is devout in her faith she will not give up her v card. if you can see yourself with her for the rest of your life...then wait...without pressuring her.

and ask her what is and is not permitted.

[tbabi20]

You can kiss and what not but other than that that's it.

To be honest it may not last if both of you guys aren't on the same page. Either she'll let go of what she believes or you'll forget about yourself and care enough to respect her wish.