Aa
Sex is disgusting
Hope someone has an answer for me here,
I absolutely hate sex with a passion. I think it is the most dirtiest disgusting act and I think we are no better than mere animals with a conditioned programmed animal like nature. I was married for over 20 years to a man who demanded sex 3 times a day and eventually went off and had multiple affairs, I never refused him sex in all of our married life and made the effort to really make him feel the most special loved man on earth. My question is, what could have caused this absolutely anti sex feeling I have. I can't remember anything before age 6 and came from an emotionally and physically abusive foster family. I look at men and feel sorry for them because they are controlled in their head and programmed to want and need sex....to me this is disgusting. After sex I bath, shower and just feel sickening inside. Often I shout at god for making woman to be used like animals for mens selfish lust. I can't get it through my head when I hear of woman enjoying sex, they're either lying or are mental. OR am I the mental one.???????????
I absolutely hate sex with a passion. I think it is the most dirtiest disgusting act and I think we are no better than mere animals with a conditioned programmed animal like nature. I was married for over 20 years to a man who demanded sex 3 times a day and eventually went off and had multiple affairs, I never refused him sex in all of our married life and made the effort to really make him feel the most special loved man on earth. My question is, what could have caused this absolutely anti sex feeling I have. I can't remember anything before age 6 and came from an emotionally and physically abusive foster family. I look at men and feel sorry for them because they are controlled in their head and programmed to want and need sex....to me this is disgusting. After sex I bath, shower and just feel sickening inside. Often I shout at god for making woman to be used like animals for mens selfish lust. I can't get it through my head when I hear of woman enjoying sex, they're either lying or are mental. OR am I the mental one.???????????
Married 45 years and my husband thinks sex is disgusting, dirty, mineless. I found this out on my wedding night. He actually knew nothing about sex, or intimacy. I had to show him and all he said I have to put what where and how can anybody do something so nasty to another person. He admitted he only touched himself to go to the bathroom and shower. From that night till today we have been married but live apart. I live in an apartment and he owns a small home across town.
Well, I - for one, am a woman who enjoys sex very much!
Honey, it's not just men who are programmed to want sex! :P
Honey, it's not just men who are programmed to want sex! :P
I don't think it would be fair to say you're mental, because some people honestly just hate sex, but because of underlying issues.
Many women begin to loathe sex because of past relationships in which their husbands or boyfriends were abusive, and it sounds like in your case, forced you into sex even if you didn't want to. That's not okay, and I don't think that anyone would view sex as pleasurable in the least bit after going through something like that.
Childhood abuse, being a witness of sexual abuse in the home, rape, poor longterm partnerships I'm sure could all play into that, but that's for you to know for yourself and decide that if you've been through any of that to go talk to someone and figure out why you REALLY hate it.
You don't just hate it because you just "do" there's always a deeper meaning for something like this, and once you figure it out and come to terms with it you might be able to have a healthy happy sexual relationship again.
Many women begin to loathe sex because of past relationships in which their husbands or boyfriends were abusive, and it sounds like in your case, forced you into sex even if you didn't want to. That's not okay, and I don't think that anyone would view sex as pleasurable in the least bit after going through something like that.
Childhood abuse, being a witness of sexual abuse in the home, rape, poor longterm partnerships I'm sure could all play into that, but that's for you to know for yourself and decide that if you've been through any of that to go talk to someone and figure out why you REALLY hate it.
You don't just hate it because you just "do" there's always a deeper meaning for something like this, and once you figure it out and come to terms with it you might be able to have a healthy happy sexual relationship again.
some of it probably comes from your abusive childhood but the rest is someone demanding you to give them sex.all men aren't like that.sex dismisses our worries and reduces the daily stress we endure but it shouldn'tbe forced on to someone.sex is a beutiful thing.sex is sex and making love is a completely different thing.its a way for a women or a man to express their love and need to be with you even if its just holding each other.i'm sure that when you had sex with your husband and you did all you could to make him feel good that it felt good to you also.please don't catagorize all men that way.when i was married i loved my wife moe and moe every day and always esired her but never forced it on her.sex shouldn't be planned it should be a something that both parties desire at a particular time or maybe one just feels like making the other feel good.a womens body is a piece of artwork and shouldn't be used as a machine.i could go on for hours on this subject but everyone isn't going to agree with everything i say so no need to go further.i hope i put a little light on this for you and i hope i was of some help to you and how you feel.thanks for listening.sincerely...pete
Sex as a reward or punishment? How novel? See a doctor and a couples counselor.
Read what you stated the behaviors are not normal and despite however beastly your partner is, I think I can assure you that nobody appreciates having a partner who has to get sloppy drunk to touch them.
BTW You hated sex BEFORE you married your husband? Why didn't you stay platonic?
BTW the behavior your describing is not uncommon in reformed substance abuse addictions? Did you perhaps have such problems earlier in your life. (Having to drink to have sex etc.?
Read what you stated the behaviors are not normal and despite however beastly your partner is, I think I can assure you that nobody appreciates having a partner who has to get sloppy drunk to touch them.
BTW You hated sex BEFORE you married your husband? Why didn't you stay platonic?
BTW the behavior your describing is not uncommon in reformed substance abuse addictions? Did you perhaps have such problems earlier in your life. (Having to drink to have sex etc.?
No offense but if people have sexual dysfunctions, and realise it and don't do anything about it, male or female it is not uncommon for their partners, like little kids, to get more desperate in finding anything to satisfy them and then giving up ang looking elsewhere!
I know of at least 2 active topics with women who are going through the reverse.
And regarding abuse in general if you can admit to yourself you have been abused GET HELP! You are either going to ONLY draw people who meet your norm ar your going to pressure people into acting the way you subcociously think normal is.
So regarding not blaming the victim? True up until you realize you keep being made a victim by yourself or others you either accept it or get help in changing yourself to a more acceptable paradigm.
I know of at least 2 active topics with women who are going through the reverse.
And regarding abuse in general if you can admit to yourself you have been abused GET HELP! You are either going to ONLY draw people who meet your norm ar your going to pressure people into acting the way you subcociously think normal is.
So regarding not blaming the victim? True up until you realize you keep being made a victim by yourself or others you either accept it or get help in changing yourself to a more acceptable paradigm.
Typo in the last part of my post,I did not mean ye are mental,I mean't to say ye are NOT mental,whewwww!
Finally someone else is going through wot I am,well not finally,I mean't that I too am going through the same thing.
My dear ye are not mental in the least,I started hating sex in my late 40's and am now 51,and also just like ye I do not recall any memories before age 5 except pain,wot kind of pain it was is too humilating to post here but lets just say my sperm donor caused it,but moving forward here I got with my husband in May,2002 and things were grand until about 9 months into the relationship I came across some of his personal chats on messenger and I was totally floored due to this other female had sent him verra graphic pics of her privates etc and he mentioned to her she looked good enough to eat,boy I lost it because there had been a couple of times I had tried to have relations with him and he turned me down,so I confronted him and he had no good explanation as to why he did that,moving forward again,then 5 yrs ago I for the last time tried having relations with him again and again he turned me down so I told him that night I would never approach him for sex and I haven't,but then my periods started getting wacky and I would go for 12 to 18 days straight on my period and then a couple of yrs ago I was having bad pains down there and was sent to the hospital,it turns out I have 0 estrogin in my body so with those 2 factors right there it affects a woman as far the sex drive,now I have shagged my husband but only on my terms because one day he wanted it and I told him no and he wanted to know why so i reminded him of the times he turned me down and also catching him looking at porn etc andhe told me that he would never ever turn me down again,well too late because the drive is gone and if we do have sex I have to get drunk and that is no easy feat either because I'm not much of a drinker but when I do oh boy I suffer big time the day.
So ye are being mental and those that posted on here almost making it sound like it is ye fault have no bloody clue wot is to be sexually abused as a child then being married to a cheater,that stay's with a woman for the rest of her life,I know because it happend to me and today if my hubby wants sex he has to earn it and I mean by letting me buy things I like,tis me own way of getting wot I want and then he too.
Hope this helps!
My dear ye are not mental in the least,I started hating sex in my late 40's and am now 51,and also just like ye I do not recall any memories before age 5 except pain,wot kind of pain it was is too humilating to post here but lets just say my sperm donor caused it,but moving forward here I got with my husband in May,2002 and things were grand until about 9 months into the relationship I came across some of his personal chats on messenger and I was totally floored due to this other female had sent him verra graphic pics of her privates etc and he mentioned to her she looked good enough to eat,boy I lost it because there had been a couple of times I had tried to have relations with him and he turned me down,so I confronted him and he had no good explanation as to why he did that,moving forward again,then 5 yrs ago I for the last time tried having relations with him again and again he turned me down so I told him that night I would never approach him for sex and I haven't,but then my periods started getting wacky and I would go for 12 to 18 days straight on my period and then a couple of yrs ago I was having bad pains down there and was sent to the hospital,it turns out I have 0 estrogin in my body so with those 2 factors right there it affects a woman as far the sex drive,now I have shagged my husband but only on my terms because one day he wanted it and I told him no and he wanted to know why so i reminded him of the times he turned me down and also catching him looking at porn etc andhe told me that he would never ever turn me down again,well too late because the drive is gone and if we do have sex I have to get drunk and that is no easy feat either because I'm not much of a drinker but when I do oh boy I suffer big time the day.
So ye are being mental and those that posted on here almost making it sound like it is ye fault have no bloody clue wot is to be sexually abused as a child then being married to a cheater,that stay's with a woman for the rest of her life,I know because it happend to me and today if my hubby wants sex he has to earn it and I mean by letting me buy things I like,tis me own way of getting wot I want and then he too.
Hope this helps!
That being said their are men and women who are screwed up and mistake physical presence as having to be sexual even when tenderness is indicated instead.
I am saddened, as if such a trite phrase can ever say what a person feels, by your loss though and regret in these thing I have an affinity with playing devils advocate.'
Be blessed and I hope that you can find Good assistane, so that you might truly grow into the person you need to be for yourself.
I am saddened, as if such a trite phrase can ever say what a person feels, by your loss though and regret in these thing I have an affinity with playing devils advocate.'
Be blessed and I hope that you can find Good assistane, so that you might truly grow into the person you need to be for yourself.
Then again maybe not. Not to to doubt but I would really love something that I do not have access to, both people independently in relaxed atmospheres to talk to.
I have seen couples before where the drives start off differently, one person is taken aback, or maybe realizes that they like sex, but the way they have always had it before by themselves.
The other person feels rejected tries exploring more kinky areas thinking maybe I'm doing something wrong and tries being more agressive and from their the kempshi steadily hits the fan as on person becomes more in control of the sexual relationship with the other pushing him or herself into areas they themselves might not wish as their egos and self confidence in their sexuality steadily erode.
I am, admittedly even by my steadily declining low standards, being judgemental but I would bet my left testes that the time lines do not coincide in reality as to each person percieved aberrant behavior.
Personally I would be completely unphased to find out that this was at least one persons first physical relationship and that somewhere in all this mess was involved a protestant church. (And no I am not Catholic..
Just MHO
I have seen couples before where the drives start off differently, one person is taken aback, or maybe realizes that they like sex, but the way they have always had it before by themselves.
The other person feels rejected tries exploring more kinky areas thinking maybe I'm doing something wrong and tries being more agressive and from their the kempshi steadily hits the fan as on person becomes more in control of the sexual relationship with the other pushing him or herself into areas they themselves might not wish as their egos and self confidence in their sexuality steadily erode.
I am, admittedly even by my steadily declining low standards, being judgemental but I would bet my left testes that the time lines do not coincide in reality as to each person percieved aberrant behavior.
Personally I would be completely unphased to find out that this was at least one persons first physical relationship and that somewhere in all this mess was involved a protestant church. (And no I am not Catholic..
Just MHO
This is significant information that you omitted in your original post.
Had you initially mentioned this, I'm sure that the responses would have been
quite different.
Anyway, it appears that you've just been with the wrong man all of these years.
And, maybe it's not sex, itself, that's the issue; maybe, it's the lack of love in
your relationship that's at the root of your unhappiness.
Had you initially mentioned this, I'm sure that the responses would have been
quite different.
Anyway, it appears that you've just been with the wrong man all of these years.
And, maybe it's not sex, itself, that's the issue; maybe, it's the lack of love in
your relationship that's at the root of your unhappiness.
Thanks for all the replies and suggestions.
To Serious Sam, My ex husband stayed with me because he had a good life. I never hated sex in the beginning, he slowly made me hate it.I never made him feel less of a man, on the contrary, I used to make him feel superior and feed his ego, that was the whole problem. He developed an inflated ego.
He was into porn and forced me to act out his fantasies from the day I married him, which was age 17. Not having any family and coming from a welfare home.I did my best to be a good wife and mother, but nothing was ever good enough for him. I tried to spice up our sexual life and tried hard as I knew how important it was to him but every time he would be abusive and want more. If I was so bad, I am sure he would have walked out after the first year, not stick it out for 20 years. He was an abusive man to me and his children, one of which died before age 7...and all he could think of was sex while his child lay struggling to breath when he was critically ill one time. I am not looking for excuses why I am like this, I don't hate men, I definitely am not gay and live my life allowing others to live theres happily. I just hate sex and am trying to find a reason behind it. I am not an ice queen or nasty woman. I am a warm loving person, who has just been knocked down once too often in life.
To Serious Sam, My ex husband stayed with me because he had a good life. I never hated sex in the beginning, he slowly made me hate it.I never made him feel less of a man, on the contrary, I used to make him feel superior and feed his ego, that was the whole problem. He developed an inflated ego.
He was into porn and forced me to act out his fantasies from the day I married him, which was age 17. Not having any family and coming from a welfare home.I did my best to be a good wife and mother, but nothing was ever good enough for him. I tried to spice up our sexual life and tried hard as I knew how important it was to him but every time he would be abusive and want more. If I was so bad, I am sure he would have walked out after the first year, not stick it out for 20 years. He was an abusive man to me and his children, one of which died before age 7...and all he could think of was sex while his child lay struggling to breath when he was critically ill one time. I am not looking for excuses why I am like this, I don't hate men, I definitely am not gay and live my life allowing others to live theres happily. I just hate sex and am trying to find a reason behind it. I am not an ice queen or nasty woman. I am a warm loving person, who has just been knocked down once too often in life.
1 Comments
It's because he never cared about your emotional needs before during and after sex. You felt exploited degraded and used. It is abuse. Especially from yourself to allow this when it goes against your feelings. So now you associate sex with negativity. Totally understandable. You need someone who appreciates you for who you are as well as your body and who can and wants to connect with you emotionally. Since it can be very hard for you to find someone like this I recommend connecting with yourself emotionally. Start caring about how you really feel. There's nothing wrong with any emotions you are feeling and take care of them, ask yourself what would someone who really cared about me do about this feeling, emotion? Then do that. To get in touch with your emotional side and needs you can start writing about them.
wow, that is very sad that you had to emotionally and mentally endure that lifestyle. Unfortuneatly there isn't much that can be done for you except a Knight in shining armor to save you from all that and be the best man to you, or like most of the lesbians I know, a Lady Knight in shining armor. You may not have been born gay but your history seems to have made you lean that way. I'd try dating women. They are more intuitive to fem needs.
Like it or not, humans are animals. And we have the same drives as our fellow mammals (eating, sleeping, sex, etc). Some people don't enjoy sex as much as others do - and this is completely natural - everybody is different. However, your extreme disgust for sex suggests that there is something pathological going on. Traumatic experiences in your childhood (or adulthood) might explain how you feel about sex. These traumatic experiences don't necessarily have to be sexual in nature - but involve issues of trust and intimacy. There are plenty of people who were physically and emotionally (but not sexually) abused as children and go on to develop issues with sex as adults. It is best that you find a therapist with whom you can talk to about your current feelings about sex - and take it from there.
Best of luck...
Best of luck...
you definitely need to seek out psyciatric help. i'm a woman i love being with my husband. it makes me feel as though we are one not to mention it is an extremely enjoyable thing.
did you suffer some sort of sexual trauma as a child? that could be a reason why you hate it so much. but it's not an animal instinct to do it. well not for most. i won't say there arn't wo/men out there who don't act like animals. sex is a wonderful, beautiful thing that lets you get to intimately know your partner. they bare their souls and bodies to you. not all sex is just sex. as my husband says we don't have sex. we make love. a because of that beautiful act we have 2 amazingly smart, beautiful little boys.
did you suffer some sort of sexual trauma as a child? that could be a reason why you hate it so much. but it's not an animal instinct to do it. well not for most. i won't say there arn't wo/men out there who don't act like animals. sex is a wonderful, beautiful thing that lets you get to intimately know your partner. they bare their souls and bodies to you. not all sex is just sex. as my husband says we don't have sex. we make love. a because of that beautiful act we have 2 amazingly smart, beautiful little boys.
God! And your husband stayed with you? I can imagine what it would be like having sex with someone who hates it. Ego crushing to say the least in that in mammals sex and grooming are the way we physically show we love each other!
You may "never have refused him" but I can guarentee that he didn't get much satisfaction out of it either.
Be blessed and get help. I think your real pleasure though was the sense of superiority you got for not being an animal like the man who was with you and attracted to you despite the whole ice queen thing,
BTW. Why did you ever get married and subject another person to this particular feeling?
You may "never have refused him" but I can guarentee that he didn't get much satisfaction out of it either.
Be blessed and get help. I think your real pleasure though was the sense of superiority you got for not being an animal like the man who was with you and attracted to you despite the whole ice queen thing,
BTW. Why did you ever get married and subject another person to this particular feeling?
I am a woman who loves men; and very much enjoys having sex with men.
And, I am neither lying; nor mental.
If, for whatever reason, you suspect that you are "... the mental one"
(and that is something that only you could best answer), then you should,
perhaps, consider taking the sound advice of eskercurve's post above.
And, I am neither lying; nor mental.
If, for whatever reason, you suspect that you are "... the mental one"
(and that is something that only you could best answer), then you should,
perhaps, consider taking the sound advice of eskercurve's post above.
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