I am 37 & my wife is 35, Almost 6 years of marriage, we are planing for a child last 1 and half years. But during this period, I personally feel lack of desire of Sex . Mainly those days, where Dr. told us, that we should do Intercourse, during this routine. Due to this, I am not feeling good or Sometime not prepare my body for Sex play, feeling disturb, or sometime lose concentration during Intercourse.
Our general intercourse rate is average or even low , not more than 3 to 4 times within a month. But in general when we meet without any pre-schedule planning, I feel energetic & everything goes fine. But when Dr. tell us do the Intercourse in that routine Manner (14 to 17 day after period), every day, or alternative day, nothing going smoothly. Even I feel this unwillingness (lack of desire), even more than My Wife.
We are use to in foreplay, but this period, whenever we do intercourse I feel mechanical sex, rather than the normal one. I observed my wife ready to the Intercourse asap, as because Dr. advised, may be she is not prefer herself for Intercourse, as a result of that facing problem Vaginal dryness, boring & painful sex. And sometime Intercourse is not properly completed, because lose of concentration , which feel me very much frustrating. Rather than the enjoyment, it make my-self FEAR of sex, that I may not perform well or other negative feelings. Or feel my-self detach during sex, not prepare my body for sex.
Now most of the time I feel enjoyment during masturbate rather than Intercourse.
I know there is a mental pressure, that our age cross the limit of having child, so my is frustrated as well for this, She feel some time I am not willing to family planning. But it is not the case, I am unable to boost my self.
Lets look at this from different angles. First, I'd suggest keeping glycerin available. It's water soluble. Inexpensive. Be sure your wife is fully lubricated.
Outside & inside her vaginal region. During this lubricant applying times, talk to one another. Recall vivid memories of sensual times experienced together.
If water is relaxing. Bathe together. Shower together. Wash each others hair. If talking about having a baby together is stimulating, tell each other how much you want to remember the conception during the upcoming pregnancy. There may be a disconnect here, emotionally. You may not want to mix these. That's ok too.
Your wife's most fertile time can be thought of in other ways too. She can be considered Mother Earth. You the bringer of life. Talk about what suits your needs.
Paint one another with non toxic finger paints. Draw life lines & circles of where baby will grow. The mind is engaged. The body will follow.
Read & write poetry to each other.
Start a gratitude list. Each day the other person can add something.
Please keep posting. We are here to help. Pamela
Sure. For some couples sex needs to be thought of a holy act.
Other people enjoy it more if sex is considered taboo or naughty.
Between you & your wife you'll decide what makes both of you excited. There are only right answers here. Some people like to roll play.
I'm a god, you are a goddess. We will create life.
Some people are shy. Like mystery. Only in the dark.
So, there's never an excuse for dry, boring sex. Pamela
If feel that deep down you may not be wanting to have a child. Subconsciously you may be feeling that a child could come between the affections that your wife gives to you.
I think too that you are put off the idea of having sex with your wife, like you say because it is putting mental pressure on you for your wife to become pregnant. Physically if there is nothing wrong with you and you have a good sperm count, then it is a psychological problem.
Rather than think of these issues, have some romantic evenings with a glass of wine so that you both are relaxed and just let the feelings and emotions flow. As you are both trying to have a baby, there is no need to use contraception and when the time is right, it will happen. The more you stress about it, the harder it will become. It may be that after a while you both may need to be checked out to make sure that everything is fine with your wife and that you do not have a low sperm count. Which does happen.
With regard to being dry and not lubricated sufficiently which can be painful and uncomfortable to have penetrative sex, like CRSeaside mentions, make sure that you have a good quality lubricant in your bedroom for whenever you need to use it. Not only apply this to your wife, but also on to your penis too. You can buy KY Jelly which is a water based lubricant and others that are specifically made to use during sexual acts. There are also minty type ones that give more pleasure to the woman.
If you are not able to buy these from your superstore or from the pharmacy, they can be purchased from the internet and will be delivered to your door in a discreet packet.
Thanks for your reply, yes I used KY Jelly, in the past.
"If feel that deep down you may not be wanting to have a child. Subconsciously you may be feeling that a child could come between the affections that your wife gives to you."
No it is not in my mind. Actually we need to out from Mechanical Sex, and do a normal sex, then I think everything will fine.
"As you are both trying to have a baby, there is no need to use contraception and when the time is right, it will happen. The more you stress about it, the harder it will become"
Actually I understand this. But the situation most of the time became like a "Job less person, immediately looking for a job". So nothing is natural, you stress more your-self to search for this, and as an outcome of this is a big Zero.
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