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Sex too soon
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Sex too soon

I'm a firm believer that sex should happen when you have discovered that you really love the other person and there is committment involved.  My last boyfriend was a year-long relationship and we didn't start having sex until the last few months before it ended.  Despite my desire to have sex with someone, I wait in order to make the other person understand that I respect my body enough that they should respect it too by learning more about how compatible we are socially and character-wise before how compatible we are physically.  Well, after more than a year since my last relationship, I haven't been having sex because I haven't found the right person to share myself with yet.  Recently, I met a guy who is a friend of a friend through work and I know him through the parties that my friend holds at her apartment.  We were talking the entire night off and on.  Later as the night progressed, he started kissing me, and it all seemed so innocent.  Long story short, it turned out that we had sex that night, and I'm fully embarrassed to my friends because they know my philosophy on sex.  I feel like it makes me a bad person that I just let it happen so easily.  Don't get me wrong I still talk to him everyday after it happened, but I really don't know if its going to lead to anything, and i would be devastated if it didn't because I gave myself to him.  I'm sure he's fine with it all, but I'm a little bothered.  Any words of advice.  Please no harsh criticism, I feel bad as is.
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10 Comments Post a Comment
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332074_tn?1229564125
These things happen and there is no reason to beat yourself up over it. We all do things that we don't plan to once in a while and we can not take them back. Chaulk it up to a mistake and move on.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hats off to your sense of moral and respect for yourself.  There are VERY VERY few girls now a days (and that's not to excuse you guys) who live by that rule.  You made a mistake.  Learn from it. And move on.  All the best.  
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Avatar_n_tn
YOU SHOULD NOT  ashamed, embarrassed, or guilty in anyway shape or form
i view sex the same way, but that does not mean that if you choose to coherently make a decision that contradictes with your beliefs you should have to regret it. you made a decision and enjoyed it..i understand what you mean by hoping it turns into something...however please do not regret your decision- what bad came from it? all i suggest is you tell him how you feel...maybe avoid talking about long term relationships if you guys dont have a great bond yet cause it might scare him- just let him know you respect your body and how you feel.

i have a lot of respect for you, and i hop you know you deserve it. you are a strong woman and i hope you know that you own your body, that means its your and you may do whatever you want. who has the right to judge?
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Avatar_n_tn
i just really hope i made my point clear- do not see this as a mistake - unless of course you regret it, but you seemed to have enjoyed yourself so whats there to regret. you live once. live how you want. not by other peoples standards.
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Avatar_f_tn
Your kind words are so encouraging.  Thankyou so much.  I really did enjoy myself.  I was making a fully conscious decision to do what I did.  We both got what we wanted.  Nobody got taken advantage of.  I actually wish that I got your comment sooner because my other friends were telling me that I was just a booty call, and that because we did what we did, this guy isn't going to respect me or want a relationship with me.  So the last time we were together and kissing, I told him that maybe we should take things slower.  He understood, but was a little confused.  A couple days later I texted him with "Have a great day off work" and I never got a call back after that?  I'm not sure what to think of it.  I guess I implied that I wanted a relationship out of him by saying to him to slow things down.  Perhaps I scared him away.  I don't know.  What do you think?
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337492_tn?1212462436
I have the exact same philosophy as you do.  I did not in my younger years, but as I have grown to know more about myself I also want to know someone heart and soul before becoming intimate.  I have also made mistakes too.  I had this idea, before my last boyfriend, that I would not have sex until it was the man I was to marry.  Well....we did get engaged and we just now broke up.  So I feel just awful, I did not want another "knotch" under my belt, so to speak.  I totally understand how you feel, I feel it too.  However, we all make mistakes and that is what makes us human.  You can still hold onto your beliefs about intimacy, just learn from your mistake.  Most people are not like us, so remember that upholding these values of knowing how special lovemaking is, is an admirable quality.  Try not to beat yourself up right now.  Just understand that it happened, was (hopefully?) excellent sex and move forward.  Just don't make the mistake again, unless you want to, then it is not a mistake.  Therefore, was this really a mistake when you wanted to?  No, it is not.  You will be fine.  I have messed up with my sexuality before and then I realize it is in the past and I will learn from this and move forward.  Take care.  
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484465_tn?1347117312
You remind me of myself. I would be embarrassed too and I wonder if it's possible to keep this just between the two of you whether a dating relationship develops from here or not.  Just keep moving forward.  Good luck!
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Avatar_f_tn
Thankyou guys so much for your comments.  I really think its so important for girls to have control over their own bodies and have enough respect for themselves to give themselves away only when they know the time is right.  There should never be any pressure or force that is pulling a girl into having sex with a guy.  Everything should be with full consent.  I'm debating on whether or not I want to wait until I get married to have sex which was my philosophy as a kid.  Now I just know that I want to be in a steady relationship before I engage in anything intimate with a person.  For safety reasons too.  I need to know their sexual history with other people.  
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337492_tn?1212462436
This is how I keep myself diciplined, because I LOVE sex.  I wait until we are dating for awhile and I tell the fellow that we are not having sex unless he gets STD testing with me.  I have had a lot run away, but that tells me they are not worth it, or not clean.  I am clean and plan to stay that way!
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337492_tn?1212462436
BTW, I believe a good man, a gentleman would do this for his lady and it lets you know he is serious about you and not just looking for sex.
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