Should the hymen hurt like this, and why can't I feel pleasure masturbating?

[IntrovertedDiva]

Hello, I'm female, 23 years old, and a virgin.  Despite this, however, I do get horny--albeit never extremely.  I've tried masturbating with a dildo, but couldn't insert the head for pain.  I think it's my hymen that hurts, but I'm not sure.  However, it hurts like hell if I try to get something bigger than my middle finger past it.  I've also tried a vibrator (one shaped like a long missile, because I thought the pointed end would help), but that doesn't work either.  I can only get it about an inch in before I'm wincing and have to stop.  Is it supposed to hurt like that?  Everywhere I've read says that it hurts a little, but it's a good pain.  There is nothing good about wincing and wanting to curse aloud.  Also, and I don't know if this is contributing to the problem, but whenever I come near my vagina it starts feeling dry and scratchy.  Like when your throat is dry.  And no matter how much lube I put in/on it, it never really feels better.  Is that the issue maybe?  I try to relax, but it's hard due to these two factors.  Not that I think relaxing would make much difference anyway because of my next issue.

Before, I've inserted my finger; but had more feeling in my finger than I did my insides.  I swished my finger around in circles trying to see if I could feel it, but I got jack.  I tried to find my g-spot, in case it was there, but that only brought pain from my hymen with all the digging around.  I was able to very slowly insert a bullet vibrator once, even past the pain, but once I was past the mild discomfort of experiencing the vibrating sensations I could then only feel it annoying the hell out of my pelvis.  The vibrator would then fall back (or was slipping back out) and hit the back of my entrance, vibrating my vagina and labias and stuff.  Hymen felt that that was a big no-no, though, and I had to give it up.  I've tried caressing/massaging/vibrating my clit but it's like rubbing the bottom of my foot.  The tip tickles a little, but there's mostly nothing.  The same is with my vagina and nipples.  The most erogenous thing I've ever felt is scratching an itch on my outer labia.  A freakin' itch!  So that doesn't ever last very long.  Something else I've noticed is that, with my nipples and inner thighs, I've found I have more sensitivity on the right side than on the left.  Not that it's much.  The harder I try to concentrate on the feelings of what I'm doing, rather than the acts, the more it all escapes me.  I can't watch porn while I'm trying to masturbate, but it does well for getting me horny.  However, I can't find anything that especially turns me on and keeps me there.  A porno for me is like an interesting, though mildly mind-numbing movie.  Many times I just skim through them, making a two-hour vid into a twenty minute viewing.  During which I'll get a little horny (or really wet some days, depending) but all of this goes away if I think to touch myself.  Then, after a while of trying to masturbate, I'll become frustrated.  However, this seems to make little difference in/to my body being it wasn't responding to me anyway.  I can't be stimulated, and I don't know what to do about it.  What else can I try?  What else can I do?  Is anyone else having problems like this and, if so, what did you do/try?  This isn't something that has just started, but is something that has always been and I don't know how to remedy it.  Can anyone help with these problems??

[Soppo]

It is really important that you go slow when inserting the dildo. The reason to why you are feeling pain is because you are stretching your hymen. When you are inserting the dildo, try to relax (Maybe masturbate before hand, as this will make you relaxed and wet). I also have a dildo myself, and it is important for you to insert the head slowly and apply lube onto the dildo as this will lubricate you more and will be easier to insert. When inserting the dildo/penis it will sometimes feel uncomfortable as you are stretching the hymen, but once the dildo is deeper inside you then it will feel a lot nicer.
My boyfriend broke my hymen with two fingers, yes it did really hurt!! but it has helped me to insert the dildo a lot easier. Before you have sex, it is MEGA important for you both to recognise what you both like (sexually) what turns you on the most? fingering, oral sex etc!! as this will really help before you decide to have sex because you will be lubricated enough, relaxed and this will help you when you will start having sex for the first time!
Hope this has helped! all the best! :D

[happyhipo]

I know this reply is late but I need help!!

[happyhipo]

i have the same problem! i am a virgin and so scared to lose my virginty to my boyfriend however i know it will be soon but i'm so scared! i''m ready and feel comfortable etc but petrified of pain. i tired braking it myself with a dildo but i could barley get the head in until it started killing, like a burning pain, i just want to brake it myself so i won't have to worry about pain during sexual intercourse for the first time, i'm not sure what to do but i need help ASAP!!!!

[MrsPincince]

Will the pain subside the more I mess with it?  Can I slowly stretch it to where it's more comfortable if I keep trying?

Yes..Practice makes perfect!!! Again don't think too much about it..You can try a vibrator that is for penetration. Start small and work your way up!!

[Dalubaba]

Deer exercise is meant for females. Search the word Deer exercise in google. there are many websites on this exercise.This may work for you if you go with calm and positive mind. Also you may like to see websites on "insensitive vagina". for hymen, you can talk to surgeon. He can help you. I am sure you must have consulted gynecologist. If there are structural probem, it can be solved by gynecologists. Have all prong attack on your issue. It is an important problem which may create proble in future. Take care. First try Deer exercise. It is named as deer exercise as deer is most sexual animal. It is an ancient method.Do try. wish you best of luck.

[IntrovertedDiva]

Thank you for your response.  And, yes, it is very helpful.  I agree, that maybe I just need to try to let go and enjoy.  But I don't know how.  All this maybe from me thinking too hard about it, or expecting too much (?), but I've always been the analytical type like that and I don't know how to stop puzzling over them while I'm working.  I think it maybe making me nervous too, and that's why nothing is being very responsive either.  After the tickle sensation I mentioned, there's nothing; that's it.  There's usually nothing else and the more comfortable I get with playing with things, the less I feel from them.  Even the tickle will go away after a minute.  It's like my body loses interest, despite my trying so hard.  Every part of me down there (and my breasts) are like that too, except for the hymen--and I envy all who could tear that unwittingly.  Moving it in any way brings me discomfort.  Will the pain subside the more I mess with it?  Can I slowly stretch it to where it's more comfortable if I keep trying?  If I could solve it's problem, then I think I could relax more.  I have a fear for most things pain-inducing.  When I pierced my navel, I iced down the spot first until I couldn't even feel cold there anymore.  I've even considered trying the same to break my hymen, but I don't know what that will do to me later.  It's so much to think about...  =(

[MrsPincince]

Hi:) The hymen is a thin, fleshy membrane that in some girls and young women is found at the opening to the vagina. It has a central perforation, which can be round or elongated, through which menstrual blood will flow. It is also called "maidenhead". Girls who do have a hymen can break their hymen in a number of different ways, many times without even knowing it. The Gräfenberg Spot (G-spot) is typically located one to three inches  up the front vaginal wall between the vaginal opening and the urethra and is a sensitive area that may be part of the female prostate. Unless you were that deep inside yourself, you will not find it.
The reason you feel pain is because you are a virgin. Normally you wouldn't get pleasure from your hymen. The pleasure comes from the stimulation of your clitoris. The tickling is actually what you are supposed to feel when you stimulate your clitoris. You actually have to continue until you climax (that's where MOST if not all of the pleasure will come) To you it may feel strange. It's because you've never felt it before. The first couple of time you have intercourse or masturbate will hurt. Remember, nothing has ever been inside before. After that you'll be fine. From what you say, it doesn't sound like your very familiar with how to masturbate and how to stimulate yourself. that's no fault to you. I don't think you should be so hard on yourself. you are perfectly normal. IMO you are thinking too much about it during masturbation. You have to just let go and enjoy. The itch maybe from dryness but then again you did say you get really moist while watching pornos so I have to scratch my head on that one. I think you should give yourself sometime. Continue to explore your body and be patient with yourself. You can also research online different ways to find pleasure from masturbating. Hopefully one day you'll find someone that you love and will explore your body with you. Until then, be happy that you are one of very few people in this world that still have their virginity at 23. I applaud you for that. I hope this information helps you.