I wanted to ask this on an anonymous forum. Any girls or doctors here can help me? I am going to have sex for the first time with a guy. I know most of will find it very strange- but please understand that some cultures are very different and conservative. I am 32 but from a religious family.
There are TWO major problems:
1-First I am 5' tall 120Lb and he is around 6' and has a very big and very thick penis. Even the tip of his penis is too wide to enter my vagina it seems as I am very very petite. Is it even possible for a man with a big penis to have sex with someone petite like me? On looking at it I was like no way it can ever enter there is just no room for it inside me! I know though that vagina can enlarge to deliver a baby, but that is only under influence of heavy hormones right?
2-And second problem is that since I am a virgin it will hurt and bleed anyway as it is my first time?? So combine these two facts- can a big penis potentially injure me to the extent that I will have to go to an ER? My parents don't know and it would be killing for me if they have to be called to the emergency room for this!
I need to know what the consequences are for a petite virgin to have sex with a huge penis guy, as if a big penis can potentially injure me then I rather wait and lose my virginity to a medium penis sized guy.
Any doctors or girls with same experience can help me? I have posted this on other medical forums but no response so far. Thanks to all in advance! :-)
I'm also a petite woman (5' 2" 112 lbs). And, having always been small, I can say that the concern that you have is a concern that I shared... having sex with an endowed man... as I also lost my virginity to a man whose penis size was on the "big" side. In fact, the man that I'm with now is 6' 2" and weighs 260 lbs.
Anyway, the best recommendation that I can give for this being your first time is, during the first several attempts at intercourse, to have the man penetrate you using a lubricant... but, have him only partially penetrate you (without going all the way in), and have him enter you slowly, gently. When it starts to hurt... have him stop and pull out. Then, give yourself some time to recover... and, have him repeat penetration, the same way. He may not be able to fully rupture you hymen the first few times. And, that's okay. But, you'll notice that each attempt will be easier than the previous... until eventually, penetration becomes less painful or not painful at all. So, expect that there will be pain, soreness and bleeding (my bleeding was more like spotting) but, none of this should cause enough discomfort to send you to the ER. The thing is to be relaxed and patient with this.
What iam1butterfly said is good advice, but every woman is different, so you might not have much trouble at all. Some women do not bleed or have pain at all their first time, it just depends on some of the circumstances. Just take things slow and you'll be fine...
Definitely listen to what these ladies have said but if you don't mind a guy adding his thoughts as well:
Remember this is supposed to be enjoyable for BOTH of you. Not just him. yes, take it slow and easy but by all means feel free to speak up if he's doing something you don't like or if it starts to hurt. Don't feel like you have to keep going if it's painful. Feel free to stop if you're not getting anything enjoyable out of it. If he's a good guy then he really won't mind.
Try doing a good amount of foreplay before you "get to it" to make yourself as wet and ready as possible. You'll probably be nervous but try to relax as much as you can. You don't want to be tense down there. That won't help things.
Thank you to all 3 of you wetguy1003, sweetpea03 and iambutterfly for your suggestions.
So what you are saying is this mainly:
1- It IS in need physically possible for a girl my size to have sex with this very very well endowed man? No warning? or precations (apart from a condom ofcourse)
2- Second iam butterfly or (and others) since you are my size I wanted to ask. It is not just the length of his thing that is cause of worry as I can always ask him to stop at apoint. I am more worried about the WIDTH of his thing.
Lenght can be managed, but what about the width, even his tip that is the starting point seems too wide for my vagina entrance- can his width rupture the walls of my vagina? Will my vagina dilate in the short amount of time that we will be having sex?
Help from anyone would be appreciated. Thanks to all in advance.
Well it IS possible that you guys are just physically incompatible. I mean, how big exactly are we talking about here? No offense but you said you aren't very experienced, are you sure he's really that large or do you just not have much to compare it to? Because even an average sized penis can look pretty large compared to the vaginal opening which is pretty small.
But yes, for lack of a better way of saying it, sometimes the body parts just don't match well. The fact that he's big and you're small may make it more difficult or you may not have any trouble at all. Everyone is different.
But be careful, use lubrication, and make sure you go slowly because yes, it is possible that he is too big for you and you'll find attempting to have sex with him painful, difficult, or even impossible. But don't psych yourself up for that to happen. Just relax, enjoy yourself, and be prepared for it.
1. Go slowly and use copious amounts of lubricant. Also know that a doctor can surgically cut the hymen... thus, minimizing or preventing the penetration issue. But, I would only consider going to that extreme as a last resort option.
2. You're exactly right about the width... because it's primarily the width part that's going to rupture your hymen and cause the initial pain, tearing and bleeding. But, that's only temporary. It won't always hurt... or, at least it shouldn't always hurt. But, if it's something that you absolutely can't tolerate then, as Westguy mentioned, the two of you may not be physiologically compatible.
Also, realize that the vagina is designed to stretch and accommodate childbirth... so, the tissue and walls of the vagina are far more resilient than you think.
To answer your question he must be about 7-8 inches and more importantly about 2 inches WIDE in diameter which is like 5 cm in diameter! Is that big by normal standards? And as you said, even for a medium size, does a penis always appear bigger than the vagina?
Butterfly your experience gives me hope as you are very petite also and your BF was you said 6 feet 2....but was his penis big too? Do you think it might help if I take a pain killer Advil or something during foreplay?
Most imp reason why I am getting scared is that I have not told him that I am avirgin---just how can I tell him that I am 32 and still never had sex. It would be awfully embarrassing!!
Also please tell me apart from making him wear 1 condom what other precaution should I take? Should I make him wear 2 condoms? What else should I do to prevent any STDs....he has slept with many women before- though seems very responsible.
Gosh I am supposed to be excited and happy but all this is giving me so much stress!
I mean no disrespect to anyone by this but in my experience women are horrible judges of how large a penis is. So when you say he's 7-8 inches long and two inches wide I have to wonder if that's really what it is. An average penis is about 5 inches long and 2 inches is about the width of a pack of cigarettes. That's pretty large, although not impossible by any means.
2 Condoms is a very very bad idea. They're not designed for that and you increase the risk of tearing by using two. Never do that.
I don't know if you HAVE to tell him you're a virgin but it may help him to understand where you're coming from and what you might be feeling. What are the circumstances that this is happening, by the way? Is this someone you are dating? If you're not ready to have sex it's okay. There's no age where you have to get it done by. I don't know if any sort of medication would help relax you more for this but ask yourself: If you need to take drugs to do it... are you really ready for it?
Again, it's okay not to have sex until you're really ready and sure you want to.
There's absolutely no shame in being a virgin... even at 32.
In fact, there are many men who would be very impressed by this. It'll show him that you have discerning taste and, that you're a good judge of character... and that you should wait and choose him to be the man to whom you are offering your virginity to speaks volumes as to the confidence and trust that you have in him as an individual and a lover. So, yes... I think that you should definitely tell him.
As for my 6' 2" boyfriend... he's actually more on the small side.... less than 5" long when fully erect and very narrow, width-wise. However, the endowed man, to whom I lost my virginity, was 5' 5" and weighed maybe 160 lbs. and had a 9" penis that was very wide at around 2". To be honest, his proportions scared me, at first. And, I thought that he was going to break one of my ovaries! But, like I've said, each attempt at penetration became easier than the previous. And, after the first several attempts at intercourse... there was no pain, discomfort, soreness or bleeding whatsoever.
Don't know if Advil or any similar pain remedies will help mitigate the pain of penetration... maybe if anything, it'll help calm your nerves. If you're going to use a lubricant... and I really think that you should, use a sensual warming lubricant. It has a slightly warm, tingly effect that almost feels like mild numbness.
As for precautions... I can't see the need for 2 condoms at the exact same time; 1 condom should suffice. And, you might want to add the use of a spermicide to help prevent an unwanted pregnancy. But, if you really want to make sure that STDs aren't an issue, ask him to be tested before you engage in intercourse.
I don't know how you got your measurments for his penis, but the average length like westguy said is around 5 inches. Yea, it might appear to be really big, though I don't think it's as large as you think. I think it just appears to be really big to you. And your vagina is bigger than you think. You can birth a baby, so I think it can handle a penis. I don't think you'll need a pain killer, as long as you have enough foreplay. Just make sure you are ready for this and are turned on. Don't be ashamed about being a virgin, there's nothing wrong with being one. And if you tell him, he can help you through this easier. Never have him wear 2 condoms, it will cause friction and be more likely to rip. One is plenty and does what it's supposed to. If you aren't ready to have sex, please don't. You want to make sure the guy you have sex with isn't just some random guy, he should mean something to you. You only lose your virginity once, so make sure this is what you want to do. I think asking him to get tested before having sex is a good idea, just to see if he has any STDs. good luck.
This time, not for giving me sexual advice, but for boosting my self confidence about my virginity and saying that it is okay to be a virgin even at 32, as it will show that I am a good judge of character and have a discerning taste (to quote butterfly). I was upfront about it to men I met till I was 26....and 'after' that it became an embarrassment. More so, the men I dated found it impossible to believe that I could be a virgin for so long, as I have always been thin, pretty, attractive and intelligent with good education - so even if I ever tried to broach the subject, they would laugh thinking that I am just joking about my virginity.
And honestly, after the last three responses you guys wrote I am having second thoughts about sleeping with this guy. He is not my boyfriend, he is not my date either. He is no random guy either. He is a colleague from a former work place. We both made it clear that we have busy careers and hence dont want to indulge in a serious relationship. I have never had this 'intention-of-having-only-sex' type of relationship ever before. I am a total hopeless romantic and THAT is the reason I have been waiting for my soulmate all these years. It is so easy to find men who want to sleep with me or those that find me sexy, I am looking for a man that truly loves me!! :( But that said, time is flying.....and it looks like everyone around me is having sex but ME! Even the 18 year old "kids" that I tutor know more about sex than I do :(
Time is flying, I don't know when my soulmate will come knocking at my door. And I 'do' feel the urge to have sex with a nice guy (who may not be my soulmate or love of my life) but with a decent enough guy who somewhat likes me.....
PS.... to answer your question...yes since I may not have seen too many penises this may appear big to me :-p. May be he is only 5" when erect ( I am not afraid of his length). But I do know that his girth is 2" as I could not close my fingers around it! I then (later when he left) I measure the inner circle formed by my thumb and middle finger to see that it is approximately 2 inches :-p.
And on the precautions for STDs that you mentioned. AFAIK, in the western culture, people meet others at bars, college dorms, parties, beaches and indulge in sex . So is it a NORM to have your partner checked for STDs every time? Moreover some STD's cant be detected till 6 months after the blood work. So how do these lab tests practically work? Thanks in advance to all
As my friend always says: "You have a lifetime of bad decisions ahead of you. Don't make this one."
You could do a lot worse for your first time than this situation...
....but you also could do a lot better. And there's no reason not to try to get that special experience. Because honestly, in my opinion, if you're a hopeless romantic and you're looking for your soulmate this experience may not be all that fulfilling for you.
I understand the thought of just getting it over with... that's pretty much what I did. Just got it over with. You may go through with it and have the "well, at least that's out of the way" experience but that's not guaranteed and while the ball is in your court and you have the power to decide what to do and how to do it... there's no reason not to pursue what you want.
It seems that you're ready or at least approaching being ready to finally have sex for the first time. That's fine. That's good. But if you're approaching that point then why not find a nice guy who you can have a healthy, emotional relationship with and also a healthy and happy sex life with?
You've waited this long for "Mr. Right" do you really want "Mr. Right Now" instead? A "decent enough guy who somewhat likes" you? Sounds to me like you could do better. Also, don't fall victim to this guy's way of thinking. He "agrees" he doesnt' want a real relationship because he want's a sexual one. You're not soulamtes or like-minded individuals. He sees an opportunity to have a friends with benefits situation and he's on board and ready for it. That's the way we guys operate. Not saying he's a bad guy by any means I'm just saying the "I need to focus on my career" excuse is usually a nice way of saying "I don't want to date you for some reason." Trust me, a guy who is interested in you for more than sex makes the time to date you. We don't ever focus on ourselves or our career that much.
You can do better and you are worth it.
Also, you're entering into new and uncharted territory now. Think of it like this: You spent your whole life to this point waiting to go to Disney World and now that you're there...don't rush it through the park, take some time to enjoy it. Don't rush through it. See what rides you're interested in. There's a billion "Space Mountain" metaphors to be made but I think you see my point :-)
Take some time to learn a little more about sex and sexuality. Read a few books, talk to your doctor, your friends, etc.. get some information on what to expect from sex, sexual behavior, STDs, pregnancy, birth control, etc....your doctor can help you with this or you can stop by Planned Parenthood or a local hospital. Arm yourself with knowledge and information on the subject.
You've waited 32 years and now you're ready to enter into a whole new world of sex and sexuality. It can be a fun, enjoyable, and very satisfying experience both physically as well as emotionally. Don't worry about time flying. You're still a young woman with plenty of life ahead of her. Plenty of time to still meet that soulmate.
Of course theres no harm having a little fun along the way :-)
I do want to do it. Nobody is pressurizing me....the urge comes from within me. And even he is not forcing or even 'using' me. We 'both' unanimously decided that neither of us want to get into a committed relationship. So that way I am fine :-) But I do appreciate your advice....infact I have bookmarked this thread so that I can read it again if I have doubts about myself :-)
hey btw can u give some perspective on American/western lifestyle...the second part of question:
"And on the precautions for STDs that you mentioned. AFAIK, in the western culture, people meet others at bars, college dorms, parties, beaches and indulge in sex . So is it a NORM to have your partner checked for STDs every time? Moreover some STD's cant be detected till 6 months after the blood work. So how do these lab tests practically work? Thanks in advance to all "
You're welcome Petite. Where exactly are you from, if you don't mind my asking?
To answer your question: In America we do meet people in a wide variety of places and sometimes we wind up having sex with them. Though not always. It's not a big, crazy, sex party every night at the local bar. Some people are out there looking for sex but our culture, as a whole, is not as sexually liberated or indulgent as our music and movies might make us seem.
And no, It is not the usual behavior to meet someone and ask them to be checked for STDs every time. Most responsible people who are sexually active outside of a comitted monogamous relationship will have themselves checked periodically, perhaps a few times a year, just to make sure. Though most of the time we only get checked out if we already suspect we caught something.
I don't see anything wrong with asking someone to get an STD test before choosing to enter into an on-going sexual relationship with them, in fact I think it's probably a good idea, very safe and responsible too. But in the situation of a random, spur of the moment encounter this isn't usually practical or typical. People don't tend to carry the results of their blood test with them like they would a credit card so you do run some risk if you engage in that type of spur-of-the-moment sex.
As far as the accuracy of tests go... that's tricky.Depends on what you're looking for. Some of the worst STD's, like HIV, DO take a while to show up on a blood test. So it IS possible to get it and be tested for it and not have it show up for a few months.
Some diseases, like Herpes, are very hard to test for. There is no reliable std test to confirm Herpes. It usually has to be visually observed and confirmed by a physician and it is another one of those conditions that may not start showing symptoms for a while.
So to answer your question... the tests do work and can paint an accurate picture of the persons sexual health at the time of the test but like a lot of things they're not 100% accurate and there are conditions that will not necesserily show up on a test until later. Also, they obviously don't reflect what the person has done after they got the test.
Considering that you're thining of entering into an ongoing sexual relationship with this guy I don't think it's improper to ask him to be tested at all. I dont' think it's improper to ask anyone you plan on having an ongoing sexual relationship with to be tested. It's safe and responsible if you ask me.
Hi Westguy thanks for your response and sorry for the delay in answering.
Since we have a friends only for sex kind of "relationship", I doubt if I can ask him to be monogamous. Well I don't know about me either, if I find a nicer guy along the way then I will go for that other nice guy myself. So the kind of relationship we are about to have doesn't really have a 'name' or any rules. I am not sure in this case asking him for a test would be helpful as he is perhaps seeing other people as it was never a part of our "contract".
If I indeed end up having sex with him (or any one else) I just had to ask you some important questions....
1. Which condoms are supposed to be the safest? Durex??
2. Apart from condoms which other things must I have with me- The Morning After Pill? (Next choice) just in case the condom breaks??
3. Must I also buy a spermicidal cream? Can you recommend some names?
4. What are the chances that the condom will break??
5. What kind of lubricant should I buy? Is there a certain kind of lubricant that is incompatible with a particular kind of condom? (I heard something like water soluble vs oil or something?)
Really I think you are most feared to have sex with your boyfriend after thinking about the penetration. You may divert your mind while foreplay and try to use Lovegra for females which will help you out to have good sexual experience with your boyfriend. And try to put some lubricant while having sex or tell your boyfriend to give you a nice ******* so your vagina will be lubricated well and it will be ease to have his penis easily in your vagina.
Durex is a good condom as are Trojans. I think they're more or less considered equal in terms of quality but maybe Trojan is a liiiittle better. Stick with one of these two condoms though. Stick with brand names and don't bargain shop for them. Some condoms are flavored or come with funky designs on them. Don't get these as they tend to be of cheaper quality. Durex or Trojan would be just fine.
The Morning after pill is certainly not a bad thing to have just in case you need it. But before you get it or think about taking it make sure you understa d exactly what it is and what the side effects can be. It's essentially a big dose of birth control so it can mess with your hormones quite a bit.
Many condoms have spermicidal lubricant already. I know Trojan does for sure and maybe Durex does as well. The spermicidal lubricant is pretty much just an added barrier of protection. A condom with one already on it is a good idea and there'd be no need to buy additional cream.
Depending on what report or study you read condoms are upwards of 90% effective and usually the number is more like 95-98%. The biggest reason condoms fail is because they're not used properly so make sure he knows what he's doing and puts it on properly. Again, NEVER use more than one at the same time. This will actually increase the likelihood that the condom will break.
Like condoms, stick with brand name lubricants. Water-based is the best. KY is the most widely known followed by Astroglide and then a whole bunch of other ones. But use a lubricant that is intended for use with condoms. KY makes a whole line of products that are condom safe and won't affect the condom. Look at the box and it should say "condom safe" or "for use with latex condoms," etc.. some phrase like that.
Please read all about the morning after pill. It is a large dose of hormones and can cause many side effects. It's something you probably want to avoid taking, so make sure you use the condoms correctly and just be safe.
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