I have been dating a girl for about 5 months now. Before we started dating I had sex on only four different occasions. The 2-3 times we had sex everything would be fine until I put on a condom after which I would lose my erection. I researched and found out that it was most likely due to anxiety and being nervous about having sex. After the first couple times I had no problems for about two months everything was going fine. About two weeks ago I lost and erection in the middle of intercourse and had no idea why but I didn't really think anything of it. The next few times we had sex I kept loosing it and I'm pretty sure it had to do with the fact that I thought about it and assumed it would happen again and it eventually did. After this we continued to have sex and everything was fine, probably the best its ever been, but then again today I lost my erection in the middle of intercourse.
I am extremely attracted to my girlfriend and am easily aroused by her. I feel like there might be something wrong with me more than just anxiety. It almost feels as if I don't have the strength that I used to have in my PC muscles. I've been tested for STD's before and have been clean and she was recently tested and was also clean.
I'm really worried about this because my girlfriend feels as if I'm hiding something from her or that I'm not attracted to her, but that is not the case at all I have nothing to hide and as I said earlier I am very attracted to her. I really would like to know what is wrong with me because I feel that if this continues I'm going to lose my girlfriend please help...
Anxiety that it is going to happen is the problem 99% of the time, as you have already identified. As for the other couple of times, a number of things can cause it to happen. Stress, such as work/finance/family and relationship related situations can cause erectile problems like the ones you describe. Also substances you are taking can cause issues. Even things as simple as caffiene and aspirin affect some people. Anti-depressants are a big causer of problems like this.
Does it usually happen once you have already had sex before that day? It's hard on both people in situations like this. Good communication is the only way. It can be hard to talk about but it's really important that you do. Otherwise you will be stressing about going down and making her feel bad and it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.
Make sure you reassure her bout how attractive you find her, how much she turns you on etc. Be completely honest and reiterate to her that you don't know why it happened, tell her how it makes you feel when it does and make sure she understands that you worry you will go down and upset her, and that because of that worry it is exactly what happens. It's hard for her as well but she has to trust you and try to be understanding. If you can get her to understand why it is happening she won't be upset when it does, and this will help you to relax and not worry about it so much while you are having sex.
It might help if you tell her that having an erection is an indicator of your horniness but not a measure of it. That you can be honry and still lose an erection and also get an erection without being necessarily 'horny'. Though one usually follows the other :p
thank you so much for your response its good to hear some reassurance that its just anxiety. I just can't seem to get it out of my head that its happend before, it seems impossible to forget. I love my girlfriend and would be devistated if anything happend between us. Your advice makes me believe that its truely a "mind over matter" situation. Thanks.
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