Unorgasmic

[kimmy111]

I am having trouble reaching orgasm with my husband.  I have had many orgasms through oral sex with him in the past but for the last 6 months, have been unable to do so.  No new meds or anything like that. About 6 months ago, he stopped performing oral sex on me so much.  Whats even more absurd is, the only way i can achieve orgasm by masturbating is to think about him with another women.  Why is that?? and does that make me totally sick?? I feel really embarrassed about this and its such a double edged sword because the thought of him with another women or cheating on me, infuriates and hurts me, except when i use it for masturbation purposes.  It doesnt take a rocket scientist to understand why i cant tell my husband what is really getting me there.  I mean he would absolutely eat that up.  I dont understand it.  and lately, even thinking about that, doesnt seem to be doing it either.  I dont feel comfortable enough to talk him through it.   Its like, the more i try to talk him through it, the more it takes away from the moment.  Frustration sets in, on his part, he feels inadequate, blames me for masturbating too much ( i do , once a week)  if if didnt, i would never get off. I dont feel like he enjoys it as much as he used to ( weve been together 2 years) i feel like its something that he does, because he feels he needs to or has to.  He made a comment that i never make any noises during oral sex. and now i feel pressured to perform a certain way or make certain noises, and i totally cannot have a orgasm with all this going through my head.  Im just at the point, id rather just get him off, and ill take care of me later.   I am 40 and know that is not good for my marriage, but i just dont know what to do. If anyone else has this problem, i sure would love to hear some feedback.  Thanks

[jay333]

first off are you even sexualy turned on by him? is he attractive to you? is the sex that you do have hard and forceful or soft and gentile? do you have sex when your horny or only when he is?  do you masturbate to get horny or do you masturbate becasue you are horny? what are you thinking when you have sex are you worried about having an orgasm or are you caught up in the moment of having sex or are you thinking about whats on tv? try different things spice it up alittle maybe if you pretended you were the different woman he was having sex with it might turn you on. Don't think about the action of having sex when your doing it think about your bodies think about the love between the two of you, think about how your body is feeling. try different positions. go slow and let the orgasm build up, have sex after oral sex. Its hard to know exactly what to tell you because i don't know you but i had a problem getting it up a few times and it was because of anxiety of what my partner would do if it wasn't big enough or i wasn't good enough until i let go of the fears and it turned out i was too big and did it quite well. ask yourself what made you have orgasm with different partners of the past. if you are only excited when you are thinking of him with someone else maybe you arn't comfortable with him yet and you feel like he would be better off with someone else and that makes you feel less pressured when masturbating. i hope this helps. maybe you could suprise him one day with you and another woman you might like it. just ask yourself a few of these questions maybe you'll find out it's completely mental and has nothing to do with the sex just what your thinking.