I think you have opened a great topic! I am a male and I have never been "obsessed" with the issues of "the first time" or "virginity" - to be honest, I have never dreamed of having sex with a virgin - I have always preferred girls or women who do not have these virginity-related things on their minds (special, rite, all stars in the sky in the miraculous constellation etc:). One of the reasons was that I did not want to solve these mysteries of "special rites" etc....
I see nothing special in hymen. And if I ever had to be the first sexual partner of a virgin, I would really prefer the event to be as painless and stress-free as possible.
First impressions are lasting impressions.
And, many women that I know would describe their "first time" impression as a nightmare, in part, because of the blood and pain associated with the experience... but also because of what they perceived as an insensitive approach from their first time partner. I think that remembering the one's loss of virginity as having been a "nightmare" is kinda sad.
And, I vote that the first time should be made as easy and as drama free as possible.
Fortunately for me, I gave my virginity to a caring and wonderful man, who made sure that the experience was as pain free as possible and, that it was what I wanted to do... with him. To this day, he has remained one of my nearest and dearest friends.
It would be great if in the real world sex for the first time was painless and drama free,but as girls we are born with a hymen.Are people going to suggest having it removed surgically? I hope not,
Actually I would have loved losing my virginity at a time I could remember but due to childhood sexual abuse I was only 7 when I was first initiated into sex and I try not to remember the details.So maybe women shouldn't complain if they get the chance to experience it the way it should be.
Honestly though a lot of the college books on human sexuality even have chapters (usually skipped over) on what can be done to prepare and ease the first experience whether it is through stretching exercises or a two minute surgical procedure.
Really is the idea of a brief incision that bad if it decreases or eliminates unnecessary pain?
Of course you want it to be as painless and drama free as possible. Don't think anyone would want it another way. Though I'd hope people would think it through before jumping into something they aren't ready for. I think it's sad to see so many young teens have sex, when they aren't really mature enough for it. My first time, I didn't bleed at all. I also didn't find it that painful, was just sore. Though I have always been very physically active in sports and used tampons, which could be a reason. Plus I waited to have sex. I would never think of recommending for a girl to have her hymen surgically removed. I don't think that's a good idea. The first time can be "memorable" even without pain and blood. It's all about who you have your first time with.
I think your first time (male or female) is usually, and I say USUALLY, awkward and clumsy. Especilly if its the first time for both people involved. You don't know exactly what you're doing, maybe the best info you have to go on is what you saw in a magazine or on tv. No one really knows what they like or what the deal is. Women tend not to have the best time of it, often don't orgasm. Men kinda have the opposite problem in that they'll often orgasm quickly and that can be embarassing.
As for the pain part I'm not sure that anyone WANTS it to be painful with bleeding and tearing but I think, just from being on these boards, that so many people seem to think that you HAVE to bleed and be in pain or somehow you're still a virgin and/or you didn't do it right.
I guess the pain and bleeding is what happens to a majority of women their first time and so it's sort of what's come to be expected. Maybe it's not a majority but certainly a good portion of women I guess. Movies and tv seem to like to perpetuate that image as being the typical "first time" experience for women so I guess it's what we, as a society, have come to expect.
But I have to agree with the results of this survey so far and I think it's pretty accurate. I think most level-headed, "normal" women want it to be as pain and drama free as possible. And, speaking as a guy, I think any decent guy shouldn't want to cause any pain or drama for the first time either.
There's people who like rough sex, sure. And if both parties are into that then hey, game on... but honestly, any guy who's excited by causing pain, bleeding, and discomfort or wants to make a girl uncomfortable and hurt them...especially their first time is probably a guy you don' want anything to do with and certainly not the kind of guy I'd want to hang with.
Of course it's weird! It was formed after I got irritated at all of the different people who started coming down on a girl with one thread about how she should not go to a doctor for a procedure to cut her hymen to reduce discomfort because they said that she should make it more memorable for herself and some guy.
I wanted to see how many people would "own up" to what the reality of their advice was and you see the result of the poll though it is not in sync with what some of the people were advising.
It's not that they want her to have pain, in my opinion, it's just VERY odd to have her hymen cut/removed. It's such an unnecessary procedure. If the girl is ready for sex, and they go slow, the pain shouldn't be that bad...
Fine cutting not great.... Got that. On one thread someone actually said that someone who had, I think it was a perforated hymen who had experienced extreme pain during foreplay should not go to a doctor as she was cheating some man out of his first time with a virgin?
If a situation is not normal and involves pain that is not normal, why shouldn't a woman avail herself of anything that she chooses?
The simple fact is that people are VERY odd and no one person is like another. Sometimes that is even a plus! But I don't understand why someone shouldn't do whatever they want to do to control the situation as it applies to themselves.
Heck this world is so odd we even have women having their hymens "rebuilt"!
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