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Why can't I have an orgasm?
Hi. I'm a 19 year old girl who started having sex with my long term boyfriend in February. We have good sex and I always get turned on and pleasured but I've never been able to have an orgasm with him. I lost my virginity to him and I'm very comfortable and happy with him.
Generally it doesn't bother me when I can't come but it does upset him because he's very good in bed and he can always get me right to the edge where I feel like I'm about to *** but I never do. Usually it just fades or becomes painful. I'm not sure what the problem is but I have several theories. I masturbate regularly, several times a day sometimes and am always able to have quick, easy and mind blowing orgasms. I have been self pleasuring since I was 16. My boyfriend is fine with it because I don't see him a lot. I also think the problem could be to do with my health. I have very bad anxiety which is controlled by daily medications which I have only recently been put on by my doctor. They don't have any noticeable side affects but I think they may be making me dry down there because lately penetration has been quite painful. I also think my inability to *** could be a psychological thing because of my Anxiety.
I'm not sure what to do and tbh I just want to he able to have an orgasm with him (even orally) just once, so I can make him happy and improve our bedroom experience.
Thank you. :)
Generally it doesn't bother me when I can't come but it does upset him because he's very good in bed and he can always get me right to the edge where I feel like I'm about to *** but I never do. Usually it just fades or becomes painful. I'm not sure what the problem is but I have several theories. I masturbate regularly, several times a day sometimes and am always able to have quick, easy and mind blowing orgasms. I have been self pleasuring since I was 16. My boyfriend is fine with it because I don't see him a lot. I also think the problem could be to do with my health. I have very bad anxiety which is controlled by daily medications which I have only recently been put on by my doctor. They don't have any noticeable side affects but I think they may be making me dry down there because lately penetration has been quite painful. I also think my inability to *** could be a psychological thing because of my Anxiety.
I'm not sure what to do and tbh I just want to he able to have an orgasm with him (even orally) just once, so I can make him happy and improve our bedroom experience.
Thank you. :)
Hi,
Well, I think you answered much of your own question, by mentioning your daily meds. and anxiety playing a part in your situation. Unfortunately, meds. for treating anxiety (& depression) are known to cause some sexual side effects, but that doesn't mean you should discontinue taking your medication daily. You could always speak with your doctor about your concern here, and ask about using a different dosage if possible...
I have a few suggestions, that you might want to consider. Cut back on the regular masturbation, or stop for a few days right before you know that you'll be spending time with your boyfriend. It's fantastic that you know what turns you on while masturbating, but you need to figure out how to transfer that same passion and energy to the bedroom. Arousal and relaxation, are the keys to achieving satisfaction and climaxing with your partner.
Try extending the amount of time that both of you spend on foreplay; go slowly and share with your boyfriend exactly what turns you on. He already knows that you masturbate, so it's not like it will be a big surprise when you show him. Be playful and teach him what pleasures you by gently guiding his hand. If you feel nervous or uneasy at first, dim the lights, or use candle light to help you relax. If it helps you feel more comfortable, wear something that makes you feel sexy, instead of going naked the first time. Basically, you and your boyfriend will get to know each other better through foreplay, and any tension will disappear.
Best of Luck!
Well, I think you answered much of your own question, by mentioning your daily meds. and anxiety playing a part in your situation. Unfortunately, meds. for treating anxiety (& depression) are known to cause some sexual side effects, but that doesn't mean you should discontinue taking your medication daily. You could always speak with your doctor about your concern here, and ask about using a different dosage if possible...
I have a few suggestions, that you might want to consider. Cut back on the regular masturbation, or stop for a few days right before you know that you'll be spending time with your boyfriend. It's fantastic that you know what turns you on while masturbating, but you need to figure out how to transfer that same passion and energy to the bedroom. Arousal and relaxation, are the keys to achieving satisfaction and climaxing with your partner.
Try extending the amount of time that both of you spend on foreplay; go slowly and share with your boyfriend exactly what turns you on. He already knows that you masturbate, so it's not like it will be a big surprise when you show him. Be playful and teach him what pleasures you by gently guiding his hand. If you feel nervous or uneasy at first, dim the lights, or use candle light to help you relax. If it helps you feel more comfortable, wear something that makes you feel sexy, instead of going naked the first time. Basically, you and your boyfriend will get to know each other better through foreplay, and any tension will disappear.
Best of Luck!
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