SEXUAL HEALTH
COMMUNITY
Why is it so hard to have an orgasm??
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by della2224, Jun 13, 2011
i am 25 and have been sexually active since i was 13. I have had a few partners but have never been able to have an orgasm... untill now!!!!! I have been with my fiance for 2 years and a few months after we started dating i FINALLY had my first orgasm from sex. I dont know what was diff with him that made it happen. Now i still dont have an O every time but the other day i had my first multipule O..it was amazing!...lol. but its still hard to have one every time. any thoughts????
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Member Comments (5)
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by Womanontop, Jun 13, 2011
I may not be the best person to answer this because I have an orgasm everyday (with hubby or without! LOL Ooops! ;-) ) But let me give it a go!

How do you feel about your body?

And pleasing yourself?

Do you every masturbate? I would recomend trying to give yourself an orgasm first. I find that if I am in a relaxed peaceful environment where I feel secure, I am able to have many orgasms.

If you are stressed out about something then you are more likely NOT going to have one.

Try something new. Is there something that turns you one? Thinking dirty thoughts or fantasies? Try to engage in thoughts that excite you. Relax, above all. Nothing is hindering you unless you let it.

If I were you I would try to discover the sexual woman you are, first. Make a date with yourself! Take a shower and get all dolled up. Look your best. Lock yourself in your room and begin by caressing yourself. You need to feel comfortable with your own skin. Have a glass (small) of wine to take the edge off.

Personally, I am a mom and I make time for me at least once every day for my sanity.

Once you have mastered masturbating then you can move on from there. It is important to take and make time for your man also! Don't over do it masturbating. But leave a little energy for him!

cheers and good luck! I hope this helps.


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by della2224, Jun 13, 2011
I feel ok about my body, but i know he likes it. And i have no problem pleasing myself. There are things that turn me on, but he is my biggest turn on. The thing is..is that he works so hard everyday and is tired understandably..but half the time that i wanna have sex he doesnt because he is too tired. Me on the other hand i dont care how tired i am i will never turn down sex or being intimate with him. I feel like i want it way more then he does. He tells me all the time to not think that he doesnt want it because he does just that he is tired. and i wish i could just start touching or kissing him and make him wanna have sex but that would just make him mad (with his bipoloar ***) and he would just push me away if hes not in the mood...ugh!! its making me irritated just thinking about it..but lately over the past few weeks we have been having alot more sex and it has been great...And its been really good kinky, freaky sex... we are both very open to trying new things in the bed..maybe he will just keep up the good sex...lol
Avatar_f_tn
by Womanontop, Jun 14, 2011
Della, I would say that patience is going to have to be your virtue. Sound like he is going to have to figure out his own mood swings. you can encourage him to eat on time and snack between meals to help balance out his moods. He sounds like my hubby who pushes me away. My guy won't even kiss me most of the time. I feel like he is punishing me, who knows. He has mood swings too. One minute he is as sweet as can be, the next he is a devil and treats me like I am an enemy. And we women get blamed for moodiness! LOL hilarious really. So just give yourself time and work it out slow. This did not happen overnight for him, I am guessing. He could probably say "I have always been this was," or " I have not changed". Which is more likely true. It will just make you or break you. So if you love him then stay faithful and do not let his mood intimidate you. Be strong and try to learn his language so as to not **** him off! Good luck. I feel ya girl! Trust me. Going on ten years with the hubby, I feel ya!

P
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by della2224, Jun 14, 2011
Well ya u hit it dead on..On minute hes great, the other im his enemy. And yes he says hes been this way his whole life, but in the time we have been together i have seen positive changes. I know it takes time. I am more then willing to stay and learn him and his moods better. The thing is, is that i feel like i love him more then he loves me. well i know he loves me, but its like he is scared to show me. Like u said he barely ever kisses me, and when i try to kiss him its like i annoy him sometimes. i hate it because i am a very affectionate person. It seems like we are starting to find a balance. He just has a really bad habbit of telling me he wants to break up when ever we get in a fight. its so annoying and it keeps me feeling insecure about us and our future. i have tried to talk to him, but he doesnt like to talk about things much unless he is in the mood to. So i have to hold all my **** in untill he is ready to talk, and by te time he wants to talk i bring up so much **** that hes gets upset and stops talking. i love him so ******* much, and really do wanna spend the rest of my life with him, and will always be faithfull. i just hope he can give, and show that kind of dedication to me.
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by RockRose, Jun 15, 2011
This conversation has gotten much deeper than your original question,  but just a comment on your original question - if you don't want to,  you don't have to orgasm every time you have sex.  Sometimes it's just nice to feel the man,  and when you go toward the O,  you are now concentrating on yourself.  I think it can even get a little boring going for an O every single time - quickies are fun and really sexy.