me and my boyfriend have been dating over a year. he is 12 years older than me. when we first started dating we were having sex all the time. i couldnt get him off me he was always aroused. i went through some gyne issues that caused me some pain until i had surgery to fix the problem. we didnt have an active sex life for 5 months because of the pain. then we were busy, tired, etc. but the past 2 months ive noticed he seems very disinterested in sex. i go to touch his chest lick his neck, etc and he tells me to stop. when we do have sex he will have to pee during sex and will never finish. sometimes he goes soft but now he really gives up to stay hard. he has never made me orgasm since we have been 2gether. he seems not want to do oral on me and make me orgasm for that matter. i have told him my frustrations and coincerns about this. for a little bit he was attentive but it slowly turned into the same routine. he says hes tired, busy, etc. we will be together frequently but it feels hes become distant. he has actually gotten frustruated and said the attention cant be on you all the time. what do i do? please help me
Hi, I think that if it was a sudden change (he used to be interested in sex at the beginning but then his interest stopped), then it is probably not caused by his low libido in general. I guess that something might have changed (or "broken") in him during the 5-month period of complications resulting to sexual abstinence. Or it might have been caused by his (not neccesarily conscious) attitude to the gyn.illness etc. Metaphorically speaking, he could have got "used" to the ways when sex with you was out of question.
It could help if you knew more about his attitude to the reasons why he did not start to show his interest in sex again when it was possible. For example, does he masturbate to satisfy his needs? Has he been using porn as a substitute for the real sex with a partner? Or has he just simply got used to sexless lifestyle as a convenient form of his relationship with you? Answers to these questions may shed more light onto the problem, but I would also say that having some consulations with professional therapists (sex therapists or couple guidance counsellors etc) would be very useful, too.
Meanwhile, there is a sad "rule" which unfortunately complicates the problems with mismatch of sexual desire in many couples: the more you show your attention and the more you try to make him interested, the more distant and less interested he may become.
he did start taking chantix and he tells me that is his excuse for having no desire. but i have caught him watching porn and i know he mastrub ates. i do get angry when he does that now only because he says he has no energy for sex but he does to jack off. its like its simpler for him to pleasure himself than for us to make love. im wondoring if he is cheating on me or just losing interest
Hi! My boyfriend is only 21 and 2 years older than myself. He isn't terribly interested in sex at times. He goes through spells where he can be very interested for a few months and then could take it or leave it (more likely leave it) for months at a time too. In the past i have had regular outbreaks of thrush which affected our sex life. I sometimes wonder did this have an effect on his attitude. Maybe your problem could too? I know the thought of hurting me put my boyfriend off.
I know he wasn't cheating on me - he just doesn't have a strong compulsion to have sex all the time. He can also be a lazy lover at times and rarely spoils me, but when he does it makes up for it.
I get very frustrated when he's not interested in sex, so I know how you feel, but I talk to my boyfriend about my frustrations, as you have, but I think i'd try to ask about how he feels maybe - why he became disinterested. It may be worth simply giving it time too to see if his sex drive returns.
I hope things improve for you and I hope my experience showed you that you're not alone and don't be too quick to jump to the conclusion of cheating - perhaps it's a mental thing.
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