cannot let my husband break my hymen

[Portland29]

You might be surprised by my question. I am a 28 years old woman. I have been married for about two months and till now I cannot let my husband break my hymen!!
I am not frigid and my sexual desire is fine. The problem is that I become nervous and my legs get tight whenever my husband tries to penetrate. I am extremely concerned about this problem to the point that it is driving me into depression. Please I really need your help to find a solution to this problem.

[pmurdia]

its really not amazing that ur problem is so serious. husbands have the tendency to get full excitement from all the possible ways. during intercourse or sexual plays, when there is highly aroused feelings are there, they can do anything because of the low control from ur side and there pressure, even they could take fingers deep into vagina. so what u should do is while in the morning say to the husband very politely and request, he would definitely feel something and during the excitement time, would coporate you. but i don't understand why are u restricting to break the hymen? it is normal for all the women of ur age that their husband break the hymen and they get happiness!! many involved in the physical activities or the sports have already there hymen broken!! for a successful intercourse to happen, the hymen should be broken. u should have enough lubrication in the vagina and then get involved in the foreplays. nervousness should be the feeling of urs and not a phenomenon of physical nature, u could eradicate the same. i do hope that it would give u a good support for ur mental satisfication.

[Nabz2309]

I have the same problem and I’m going into the third month of marriage but whenever my husband is trying to put it in I I just get nervous and scared and I ask him to remove it and try again some other time.  I really want to enjoy sex with my husband but I’m too scared

[katarina777]

Portland, I am really glad you are bringing up this issue you have here. That takes a lot of courage. You are not the only one who has this problem, and the good news is that it can be easily cured, and you are in no way abnormal, OK? My twin sister had the very same problem as you.

You need to go to your gynecologist, and he should be able to help you. One way of doing it, is to start by yourself ad insert into your vagina something small at first and then you go on to bigger sizes, (This is what your gynecologist can prescribe for you) Then, you can also let your husband help, and/or not. whatever you feel comfortable with.

I don't recall exactly what she did, but I can ask her as I see my twin in a few days.

You don't necessarily need therapy, not do you necessarily have psychological problems that are worse than any of those we all have.

Also, ask on the professional forum, 'Sexuality and relationships'. She may know much better.

Again, you are not weird and I totally understand. kat

[SeriousSam]

Just out of curiousity why is virginity even relevant?

[george73]

i am happy to hear you were or are avirgin when you got married. But i also had a friend whos hymen was MUCH to tight and the only way for her was surgary. i hope that isn't you but... as was said before, can you insert a tampon? any size? my friends opening in her hymen was only the size of the end of a pencil eraser so it does happen. Otherwise relax or ask a doctor to help. if at all possible do this with hubby. Him doing the deed will bring you closer together. It may not be as painful as you imagin. Or are you like me and been molested? That could also be a very BIG problem. Nothing to be ashamed of either as it is NOT your fault. That doesn't mean that you had to be molested to the point of insertion. Inapropriet touch can do just as much damage. Best Wishes to both of you

[Vance2335]

See a therapist. If you can't have sex then something in your head is blocking you from doing this.

[SeriousSam]

Take a massage class together.  Also if you can masturbate in front of each other, exercise together etc.  those will help in the long run. Also can you penetrate yourself?  gradually practicing together with small toys (you pick not him) might help so long as you control them at least at first.