i just caught my 7 year old daughter kissing her 4 year old sister
i need help!! i laid my girls down for the night and of course they were laughing and playing. then about 20 minutes went by and they were quiet, so i went in to check on them and i see my 7 year old daughter on top of my 4 year old kissing her and kind of thrusting her.. i wanted to scream.. i made myself known to them both and my 7 year old quickly jumps to the side and kisses her sister on the cheek.. i asked what she was doing to her sister, she explains she was on top of her hugging her and kissing her on the cheek.. then i ask my 4 year old the same question, she says sister was kissing me on my mouth with my mouth open and she was putting her 'cookie' on my 'cookie'.. omg i wanted to cry.. have i been a bad parent? i know kids are curious, it upsets me because has my 7 year old given my 4 year a little too much insight into sex? i just dont know what to do..
Well, if she was 4 and not 7, I'd immediately think the older girl has been sexually used by some older person. I'd begin to look around my circle of friends and family for a predator. At 7, ehhhh, well, I'd probably think the same thing, although with a few more reservations about whether the child has directly been a victim of someone doing this kind of thing to her, or if she has just seen something, in our very sexualized world. On TV, or at someone's house some porno, or some friend who is herself being abused. It's interesting to me that you are not saying you're worried about where the older child got this behavior, you're worried about your older child giving your younger child too much insight into sex. A 7-year-old wouldn't figure this out entirely on her own, I do not think. She might have figured it out more from something she saw than from something that was done to her. But please don't jump past wondering who has given the older child so much insight into sex. 7-year-olds are just not known for their lusty hormone flows that would lead them to sexual experimentation, same-sex attraction, and breaking the incest taboo all in one.
of course im worried about my 7 year old.. and when i asked her where she learned it? or if someone has touched her? or if she saw it on tv? or maybe if she saw her dad and i doing something like that by accident? i am worried someone might be doing the same to her.. but who? i work, and i leave her with one babysitter who has been watching them both since they were younger.. and then my husband gets them only 3 hours after they are with their sitter.. so idk who? or where? or when? i know she is curious about her body, she spends extra time in shower, she spends extra time looking at herself in the mirror.. i keep reading online that children do expierment what they see on tv and of course any disney movie has kissing, but the moment that scared me was the fact that my 4 year old stated she what my 7 year old was doing, with her 'cookie' i immediately thought someone has been doing this to her.. someone has shown her how it feels to have your cookie touched.. how should i handle this, what should i say? i explained to her how these things are wrong, and how we should not be kissing people until we are adults and that laying on top of each other is not right either, she was scared and worried, you could see it in her eyes.. and i know that if she was same sex orientated it does start at an early age.. i have many friends that are gay and they state that their first memories of knowing they were gay were at a very young age some as young as 5..
I'm not reacting to the fact that the sexual activity is same sex, but that it is inappropriate for a child well under puberty, it is forcing herself in a way on someone younger and weaker, and it ignores the incest taboo that happens pretty naturally in families. It doesn't sound like she has been used violently, or she would probably tell you, but it does sound like she has been used by someone she loves and trusts and it is very confusing for her to hear from you that this is all wrong. (But the acting out with her sister would also be a reaction to feeling in her heart that she should not be having to put up with this from someone else.) Cannot you get her to tell you where she learned what she was doing? I am not sure that telling her it was wrong before finding out where she got it, is going to do a lot of good. She clearly doesn't want to be the instrument of someone's undoing. Often a ********* will groom a child, with love and care, until they entirely have the kid's trust and love and can pretty much do what they want, and it is "our secret." Maybe you could ask her gently if someone who she loves told her that they have a special secret they can't talk about.
In the meantime, I'd put in a camera, if the kids are watched by the sitter at home. They have some that come in little clocks. And, hate to say it, but I wouldn't tell your husband about it. (It actually sounds to me like a female has done this more likely than a male.) Also, are there any kids she is around without constant supervision, who might be in a position to be abused themselves (and so turn it around to her)?
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