impotence every time

[enemyofme]

hi, im 21 years old and Ive never been able to perform sexually. In foreplays i have no problem but when it comes to having sex i can´t seem to get it up.. now doest it have to do with the fact that:
maybe im nervous, i smoke 20 cigarrettes per day, because none of the woman I´ve done this with means anything to me, never had sex before or anything that can be messing up my mind.
I´m really concerned about this and truly believe I can make it better. What can I do to find the solution and how can I fix this. I mean Its like the 10th time it happens and probably while im still a virgin. Wouldnt want to disappoint anymore.
thanks

[vox_weps]

just because you haven't had sex doesn't mean it can't mess you up psychologically. The fact that you have tried and failed is GUARANTEED to make this worse. There a lot of factors you have mentioned that may or may not add to it. Smoking; doubt it. How much do you drink? Did you drink during these encounters? Are you on any drugs, prescribed or otherwise?

I think the honest problem here is how much pressure you are putting on this! It's as simple as self-consciousness. You can fix this. What you need to do is when you find a girl you care about, don't rush into it and when you feel the time is right, tell her. It's not pathetic and it doesn't mean anything about your performance. You need a safe environment to work out your fears and negative perceptions relating to you and sex.

Here is a story for example. I knew a guy who could not climax to save his life. During masturbation he was fine, but when he was having sex he would get close and never do it. Why did this happen? Because he felt so much pressure to come that when he didn't he would feel like **** about it and it could make it worse. It's a bad cycle. Our culture expects men to be virile and sexual powerful, and when something goes wrong like this, it *****. Back to the story, he finally met someone and he owned up to it, and his girl made a deal; neither of them gets to come. They could do everything to eachother, foreplay and beyond play, but even if they felt like they had to, they wouldn't. This made him feel that he was in an environment that didn't put pressure on him and he became less self-conscious about it. Eventually he began orgasming like any eager guy.

So, just own it. Don't berate yourself, and don't throw yourself into situations again and again trying to force yourself to perform; you won't, you'll just be hurting yourself. Chill out, accept yourself, find a stable chic to work it out with, and enjoy!