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is he bi?
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is he bi?

Okay so the point of this is, DB has a best friend. He is gay.  they work out 3 days a week together. then go to dinner.. and his friend is always begging DB to stay the night with him.. DB claims cause hes lonley and ****.. wich is undestandable, he is single, rich, and nothing to do.. so he spends alot of money on Db.. buys him dinner, earings, Contacts, paid to get his tooth fixed, and just asked what he wanted for christmas.. and he buys stuff here and there for Cole too(our son)..  and his friend has mentioned that DB is his type and that he had a "crush" on him.  Db told me last weekend that his friend told him that it was just a phase and that he was over it.  

So my main thing, is what is the chance that DB could be Bi?  I have had two dreams of him confessing that he was in love with Rick(the gay friend) and cheating on me lol...  Db loves to do anal with me(TMI), but could that really mean he would do it with a guy?  I have known him for 9 years. hes had many many girlfriends. always checking girls out looking at them and talking about them.. he has two kids.  and the girls he dates are really pretty, skinny, attractive girls..

Is there a chance?  What do you think? am I dreaming about it, cause i think about it sometimes?

I joke to DB all the time about being gay with his friend, but he just brushes it off, he dont get mad or anything he just jokes back...  

And the whole time we were growing up, he HATED gays, would talk to them, wouldnt even watch a movie if a a gay guy was in it.. but he LOVED lesbians.. (just like your basic guy)  he met Rick a year ago through his aunt, they know 3 gay guys that are really close to him.. Now DB is really open to it and saids that he dont judge anymore, cause Rick is a really cool guy.  and his gay friend calls him "big boy" in texts.  Drew saids its just cause HE is gay and he is joking.. and he always sends him texts asking him how is day is, goodmorning, what hes doing? How WE are doing.. and he always runs to DB if my facebook status saids something about DB so we can fight or something.  and he laughs when were fighting. and he calls DB whipped and stuff if he talks to me when there out and stuff..  

Idk, is it possible???
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9 Comments Post a Comment
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580755_tn?1357673215
If you are concerned then have a serious talk with him. I personally think that you are probably way overthinking it and have gotten sometime crazy in your mind.

And your question...is it possible...anything is possible. Only you know if it is likely or not.
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1123420_tn?1350564758
well from a mans perspective, what do you think?
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1305762_tn?1311552599
Just becausea guy has some gay friends or bi friends doesnt automatically mean they swing that way too.

But I think it's clear this guy is interested in him. I wouldn't trust the fact that he spends so much time, money, and energy on him just because he's rich andl onely and "used to have a crush" on him. Crushes don't tend to go away all that easily and even after they're gone the person tends to still have some feelings for the other, and would certainly still be interested.

The question is whether or not your bf has done anything that would make you suspicious that anything is going on. Does he ever stay the night when he asks him to?  How much time do they really spend together? Did you ever catch him saying or doing anything that would make you wonder?

Maybe it's a little confusing because we're talking about another man but pretend that Rich is a woman for a moment..... Now what does it seem like?

Only you can tell whether or not anything is going on. Like Vance said, anything is possible, sure, but we don't know any of you and it's hard to even guess anything without being there and observing.

Without trying to provoke any controversy here I don't think that being gay or bi is a "phase" that you grow out of. It's possible that DB is open to it more because he's had some experiences or feelings that you aren't aware of. But it's also just as likely that he's grown up a bit and isn't as judgmental as he used to be.

Without knowing more about him and what's bothering you, in particular, it's hard to say more.

I will say that teasing him about being gay probably doesnt' help because if he IS bi, has a tendancy toward it, or has had some experiences, is confused about it, etc... that's not helping. Even if he doesn't say anything directly about it. He could be confused and doesn't quite know or even want to talk to you about it.

Its probably also not helping to allow this rich guy to spend all this money on him. At the very least it could be leading him on toward thinking something was going on.

My instinct, based purely on myself and my own experiences (which are likely to be completely different) is that there may be something happening between them. Most straight men wouldn't have that kind of relationship with a gay/bi man if they were completely straight and especially if they were rabidly anti-gay for so long. A lot of times, (not all of the time), the super anti-gay guys wind up being or having gay experiences.

But this is all a guess and speculation. It's just as likely that he's simply found a good firend that likes to stay in touch and share his good fortune with the people he cares about.

Seriously what do YOU think? And is there anything that gives you worry, other than the spending of too much time? I wouldn't worry about the "big boy" text messages just yet. That may be something but it could just be a silly nickname they all use.
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1123420_tn?1350564758
I honestly dont know!!!, like i feel it is possible, cause he loves anal with me.  but I have known this man for 9 years.  we have a son together. i mean ever since this 'friend" has come around, even his mom and sister think its possible.  I have no idea how to confront him about it.. i cant be with a man that is Bi. i mean thats still cheating and not okay with me. And yea he has stayed there twice.  i cant live like this.. should i confront the friend?
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1305762_tn?1311552599
well, liking anal doesn't mean anything in and of itself. I like it too but I'm not gay or bi. However, when you put that together with everything else it doesn't really look good. I don't know if confronting the friend is the best way to go.

Have you tried really talking with him (DB) about this? I mean having an honest discussion about it? If anything is going on he's probably keeping it secret because he's afraid of how you'll react. Obviously he thinks you'll break up with him- and I don't blame you if you want to because yes, I agree, it's cheating. Doesn't matter that it's not with a woman.

It would be really hard to get him to open up about it, if there's anything to open up about. Maybe try talking discretely to one of their mutual friends and see what their insight is. They may be more likely to tell you something because they're not directly involved in it. People don't like cheaters, no matter what the situation, and if that's what's going on you might find someones been biting their tongue on the subject.

I wouldn't suggest you go sneaking behind his back but it's unlikely you'll get him to admit anything if you confront him outright. But honesty is the best policy, as they say, and you might have some luck if you really sat him down and said: "look, talk to me. What's going on? This guy buys you things, takes care of you, you spend the night. You have to understand how that looks." etc..  Dont' come at him with anger. Approach it calmly
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1123420_tn?1350564758
UGh, its so hard, DB isnt the type to 'talk things out" he hates talking and confrataion.. it will just turn into a fight.  
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1305762_tn?1311552599
Well you have a few options then. Either just believe in his love for you and believe that he would never cheat on you and chalk all this up to silly worrying, try talking to a mutual friend, or tell him to suck it up and talk to you. People like to say "Oh I'm not the kind of person who does x,yz..." whatever. People should feel free to get over that at any time.

He's got two kids and a relationship to be concerned with. \It's time to grow up and stop hiding behind baseless declarations of "not being that kind of guy" when he doesn't want to deal with something or talk about something.
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580755_tn?1357673215
Nothing like jumping to conclusions by you, his mother and sister that it might be possible even though he has given you no reason to think he is unless you say hanging around a gay guy gives you reason, which it doesn't.

But the only way to know is to ask him. But don't ask him straight up, are you gay? are you bi? Talk to him about his relationship with this guy and how you are concerned that by him doing all of this stuff that you think he might want something in return and that you think your bf is being more distant. The last thing you would want to do is to accuse him because 1. If he isn't then he will resent you and you could damage the relationship, 2. If he is most people will not just jump out of the closet.

I think overall your probably making something out of nothing. If you still have sex like you used to and if he is not doing anything to give you signs of it then probably nothing is going on.
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Avatar_m_tn
"""""I don't think that being gay or bi is a "phase" that you grow out of."""""
I completely agree with this poster.     It is not a phase,  you are born with this orientation.    I can tell you this.   I personally know one female and one male who were both married to someone of the opposite sex.    They are each now in a permanent same-sex relationship.     This happens more frequently than you might suspect.    Usually it evolves from the fact that they were either 'bi' to begin with/ or were surpressing their gay orientation due to society's social pressures.      Is it this clear cut?    Perhaps not,  its not unheard of to have gay friends if you're straight, but its always a possibility he falls into that category I just mentioned.     You need to have a good honest conversation with him to rule it out.      Also, while it is more common for a married man to have a fling with another female,  there are plenty of instances where they will seek out another male should they fall into those previously mentioned two categories.
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