masterbation and relationships

[2bugme]

I've been with the same BF for 15 yrs, I noticed a change in our sex life, recently (in the last yr) and discovered that he's been masterbating (masturbating) evryday.  It's affected our sex life. He's not as interested, intimate, desire for it, & less ejaculation, etc. He does climax though. I feel as though it's me, he says it's not about me, it helps him not to get excited, which lowers sex for us. I asked him to not do it for one day so we could have  decent sex.  I found out he did and he lied and lies about it often.   What can I do about it. I've tried asking him if I could join him, we got stuff for both of us to do together, nothing works.  He continues to do it daily.  It has turned me off to having sex with him because I'm always thinking"what for he already did it"  We use to have sex at least 4-5 times a week.  He does it even if I'm home in another room or he'll go in the basement. What do I do and is this normal for him and me to feel this way?  It makes me loose my sexual desires for him.  I prefer it with a partner. Thanks

[Vance2335]

AThis behavior is odd, I am married and do not masterbate daily. I masterbate only when I am very very excited and wife is not in the mood and she understands that.
I would sit him down and tell him if he doesn't stop doing it so much that you will stop having sex with him. If he finds that ok then you may have more then just a sex problem...probably a relationship problem.

[Cootos]

I agree with Vance....for him to masterbate while your in the house just in a different room is completely disrespectful especially if you are willing. I had an ex that would do this to me....I dont know if it was because of my post partum body or what but it destroyed my self esteem as he would go out to the shed or say he's "taking a nap".... you need to sit him down and give him the ultimatum before this destroys you and your relationship with him. Good luck!

[Shara21]

Is he masturbating using some sort of porn or just masterbating (masturbating)?

It seems very odd, is there maybe something in the relationship that has changed? Maybe he is embarrased or ashamed of something?

I know that with certain men, if they have something they are self consciouse or worried about they sometimes find it easier to masterbate rather then address the problem. (women too i guess =P)

Just things to think about.... for something to change after 15years... i'm thinking that there is maybe another reason behind it?

[2bugme]

I don't think he's using anything such as porn material.  I always check the computer and it seems to happen at the same time everyday. In the AM. He says it's because of men in the morning, etc. I work 3rd shift and it just so happens that when I'm home at night and in the morning he never wakes up ready.  It just happened again this morning.  When I once tried to talk about it he got upset and said he was embarrassed and he always has done that. He said guys with out GF are suppose to.  I think it's a self satisfying and selfish.  He's over 40 and should be able to control himself. The more I read it sounds like it could fall under addiction.  I'm not sure what to do?

[Shara21]

i'm lost... how can you tell by the computer?

It can definitly become an addiction. Read some of the posts in this forum and you'll see a lot of women are dealing with husbands or boyfriends who are dealing with an addiction to some kind of "sex".

Over 40.... could he be starting to experience some arousal problems and is too ashamed to discuss it?

He's right, men WITHOUT gf's have more lenience with masterbation (masturbation) but when it starts to affect your sex life, it is definitly an issue that involves you as well...