I have been dating my girlfriend for a year now. I love her very much and she loves me very much. Every part of our relationship is amazing. except she will not have sex with me. I am 19 and in college and she is 17 still in high school. we began dating when i was a senior in the same high school she is in now. i understand it seems like a big age difference but our relationship is so much older. we are perfect for each other. but this not having sex thing has really gotten to me and it drives me insane. we have talked about it several times and her answer has changed as far as not having sex until she is married to telling me she was ready but couldn't do it because she was scared of her parents. Her latest answer was she isn't going to be ready to have sex until she is ready to have a kid. she is very scared about getting pregnant. we have talked about birth control, and i am willing to do anything but she has said no to everything, claiming even the pill is only 99.9% effective. i don't want to lose her but i know i cannot keep this up for much longer. i have given her everything i possibly can and been the best boyfriend ever, but her rejection make me very upset. i find my self not being able to sleeep at nite. it drives me crazy and i feel inhappy but i cannot leave her. my only wish is for her to be happy but she is asking me to do something that i know i am not capable of doing as a man. any advice for my situation would be extremely helpful and very appreciated. thanks
in my opinion, one year is long enough to see that her attitude to sex is quite problematic and it has a potential to become the source of frustration for you if you stay with this girl. Yes, I know that she is young and everything can change over the time, but if I were you, I´d be very afraid that sex will be a painful source of conflicts and frustration also in the future with this girl.
Only you can know and feel if leaving her is the best decision or not, but if I were you, I would be open to this possibility and I would start thinking of finding a new partner who could be sexually compatible with you.
For example, she says that she is afraid of pregnany etc, but does she at least let you do some other sexual activities with her - I mean oral sex, petting etc? If not, then it just shows that sex is not among her "priorities" and that she doesn´t care much about your satisfaction.
From my own experience, when sex was a big problem at the beginning of my relationships with girls, then it never became solved completely, it remained a problem also in the later stages of the relationship and it gradually destroyed the relationship and my positive feelings.
That´s why I would recommend you to look for a new girlfriend who wouldn´t refuse sexual intimacy with you. Or at least if you meet such a person, do not hesitate and go for it - meanwhile you can stay with your current girlfriend and hopefully she will change a little bit, but if no, then go for any better opportunities.
This is a good girl. She has good / strong morals and potentially is good enough to be your wife and mother of your kids. Respect her. If you can not, leave her alone and find another girl that is willing to have sex with you (there are many out there that will). I am sure your current girlfriend will find in no time a man that is willing to respect her belief and wait until she is ready.
to severin: we do basically everything but sex. i give and receive oral sex. titty ****. grinding. all that stuff. but there are only so many times a guy can pretend to have sex. like i feel that all this stuff is foreplay, it all leads up to sex. she is kinda being a tease.
as for the other comments. i understand that sex is very serious. but whether or not you have sex shouldnt determine if you have good/strong morals. its not a bad thing. it doesnt make you immoral. she is my first gf and the first girl i ever kissed. and i want her to be the last. i love her and she definitely is my soulmate. i would have no problem being with her for the rest of my life, which is scary for a 19 yr old guy to say. just i know i cannot wait until we are prepared to have kids to have sex. that is ludicrous. it is absolutely insane. i just dont know what to do. there is only on problem with our relationship and i feel like this sex issue is destroying my passion and my love.
thanks to everyone who commented. talking about this really helps
It's insane to wait until she is ready to have sex? It is insane to wait till you are married to have sex? Your views on sex are normal but you should look at the big picture. Sex does not make a relationship...trust and love does.
In my opinion, it is not just "insane" but also extremely dangerous NOT to have sex before marriage or before trying to have children together. If you wait until you get married, then you can find out very easily that your wife is not compatible with you as a sexual partner. I would say that partners should get to know each other in every aspect before marriage or before they decide to have children.
They should know each other in the field of their emotions, characters, sex, preferences, etc,etc - sex is not something that will be OK automatically after love, trust or marriage is established. On the contrary, the fact that partners are not sexually compatible with each other is the main source of conflicts in marriage - if partners know each other well in this area, it can save a lot of disappointment and conflicts in their future marriage.
The importance of sexual intimacy and harmony in a relationship should not be underestimated. Sex is not something inferior or immoral. It is not very wise to wait for unpredictable surprises in this area until you get married...
I disagree with you Severin. Sex can be waited on till marriage if that is what the woman wants. Personally sex is a way of showing a deep level of love.
If you want to listen to severin then you might to take his advice and get out. If you love this woman then I would do what the wedding vows say "Honor, Trust, and Love" her. Respecting her is just as important as taking care of her or loving her. If you want sex that bad then I feel you maybe in the wrong relationship.
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