Aa
sex is impossible!!! something must be wrong
so it all started months ago when my bf and i decided to have sex (i have strong feelings for him and he, as a person, arouses me). it was my first time and i had an idea that there would be pain, but the pain ended up being so unbearable we had to stop. eventually we came to the conclusion that i was tensing up when it was time for him to penetrate, that more foreplay was necessary to open me up, and despite the abundance of lubrication i put out on my own, that maybe personal lube was a staple too. the next few times were less rushed, he used his fingers, and the foreplay went on for "long enough"...i was ready, as in very very wet and dilated i felt. we tried penetration with a condom but we couldn't get the friction we needed to put it in (too slippery), then we tried without but it just wouldn't go in, like there was no expansion to allow his penis to push through. my bf says it's like i have no width. when he fingers me he is able to fit only 2 fingers in and then it is a very tight fit. he's very adamant that this is the first time he's ever encountered something like this (he's had numerous partners, several of which were virgins).
now this is where i think there is something anatomically wrong with me, and there's a lot of evidence to support it. 1) my clit cannot be stimulated, touching, rubbing, caressing my clitoris does nothing more but make me very tender (my sexually active friends rave about clitoral stimulation, sometimes i hear it is "too good"), 2) vibrators do not feel good even when inserted comfortably, 3) oral sex does nothing to excite me (and this has been observed with several very skilled partners), 4) my g-spot (which my bf claims to have found- a nub a few inches in, it's hard to tell if that was what it was) is completely desensitized (I feel NOTHING), and 5) his penis was fully erect, but unable to fully penetrate, even though i was able to put my fingers in myself to investigate, but bearly. There was no "give" as he puts it, it was like his penis just kept slipping. usually it's a matter of slight nudging and trying new angles and a man should be able to enter.
Is this vaginismus?? I have done my research and it does not seem so, as the muscles do not clench up to the point i cannot insert anything and there isn't much pain. Is there something wrong with me sexually? Are the walls of my hymen too thick, or has it broken and there is just something else impeding penetration?? How do you even know when your hymen is broken? I cannot see the difference in a mirror when i look even though there are diagrams to demonstrate what a broken hymen ought to look like. I just need to stop feeling so lonely in this, not to mention angry. I can't relate to anyone, in real life or in the online research I've done. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated and i'm sorry for the length of the post.
now this is where i think there is something anatomically wrong with me, and there's a lot of evidence to support it. 1) my clit cannot be stimulated, touching, rubbing, caressing my clitoris does nothing more but make me very tender (my sexually active friends rave about clitoral stimulation, sometimes i hear it is "too good"), 2) vibrators do not feel good even when inserted comfortably, 3) oral sex does nothing to excite me (and this has been observed with several very skilled partners), 4) my g-spot (which my bf claims to have found- a nub a few inches in, it's hard to tell if that was what it was) is completely desensitized (I feel NOTHING), and 5) his penis was fully erect, but unable to fully penetrate, even though i was able to put my fingers in myself to investigate, but bearly. There was no "give" as he puts it, it was like his penis just kept slipping. usually it's a matter of slight nudging and trying new angles and a man should be able to enter.
Is this vaginismus?? I have done my research and it does not seem so, as the muscles do not clench up to the point i cannot insert anything and there isn't much pain. Is there something wrong with me sexually? Are the walls of my hymen too thick, or has it broken and there is just something else impeding penetration?? How do you even know when your hymen is broken? I cannot see the difference in a mirror when i look even though there are diagrams to demonstrate what a broken hymen ought to look like. I just need to stop feeling so lonely in this, not to mention angry. I can't relate to anyone, in real life or in the online research I've done. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated and i'm sorry for the length of the post.
thanks so much, your response went really in-depth and put me at ease about the whole thing: i really was getting panicky. i definitely plan on buying a dildo, just to explore and see what i can do on my own before seeing a gyno. you're totally right, i guess there's this misconception that a penis should just slide right in and i think his sexual experiences with others girls hasn't prepared him for my "special" case.
Hey, im sorry your feeling this way. I have no experience, except, when i first lost my virginity, i felt pain, and had no enjoyment AT ALL..., but once i started doing it more often, it became pleasureable. So its possible, that u just havn't felt comfortable enough to fully enjoy the experience yet. I suggest if you're really worrying to go and see a gynaecologist. They mayb be able to investigate what you're problem could be, if in fact u have one.
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First of all,
there is nothing wrong with you. It takes quite awhile to build up to the pleasure, the amazing feelings, the elasticity your vagina is supposed to have.
I am guessing you have not had experience through masturbation?
The best thing to do is buy a dildo if you are so worried, and be gentle on yourself. It will hurt but you have to penetrate to the very end, open it up, and stretch it out.
It takes time to figure out the senses down there. Youve never had sex before, obviously you aren't going to feel anything.
Also, expectations and stress aren't going to let you get in the mood.
The clit is a very sensitive thing, if you don't do it right it may feel very uncomfortable and i wouldn't start with vibes right away. I would start just rubbing it.
The g spot has no feeling to it. It actually takes quite the talent to finger it correctly in order for it to work. When you do feel stimulation it feels like you have to take a ****. not many women enjoy the feel of "squirting." Orgasm through g spot is VERY RARE. Don't expect yourself to be able to do it.
Your bf shouldn't be making you feel like something is wrong with you, he doesn't know what he is talking about. The thing about virgins and all tight women, that men love is the tightness factor. But it also embarrasses men when they can't get it in right away.
Also, is he doing the sliding it in deal? Bad idea, men can usually never slide it in themselves, you are going to have to guide it in yourself.
This is just due to being tight. Basically all you have to do is get the talent to make it work. If you both are inexperienced, which it sounds like he is as well although you say he's not, it's going to take some time to master it. You have to get into a position where you just SHOVE it in. The penis is not hard all the way through, it is always still soft when hard so when it crams against the opening it bends and mashes against it not being able to poke through. You have to cup the head of his penis with your hand, and shove it in.
I still encounter this to this day and i am a long way from being a virgin. I have however mastered the shove in part. You are supposed to be naturally tight, and when it gains elasticity from the first penetration it will be easier than before. But you still have to shove it if you are really tight in nature, which is not a bad thing at all. It would be horrendous if it was the other way around and you were too loose.
Two fingers won't do the trick, fingers aren't wide or long enough. Which is why i advise to buy a dildo, so you can take it easy if you are afraid of the pain.
Also the type of condom he is using could be horrible for that. Make sure he buys the expensive good kind that are nice feeling, slippery, and won't stick and feel bad.
If you aren't truly turned on, you won't be opened up enough, make sure you are ready for it, and "wetness" doesn't count, judge by your feelings.
Most guys would LOVE the fact you are tight. It is sought after sexually. But yeah, i remember the awkward stages back in the day, never being able to get it in for 20 minutes. Once you become experienced with sexual positions it makes it easier .