sex problems

[Italia89]

I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 months. We started having sex after about 2 and a half months of being together. He is usually very turned on by me and wants it a lot, though he tends to come very quick, so sex doesn't last very long. Then I still want more, so I kind of push for going for round two, but it takes him a long while to get an erection again. And a number of times, when we're having sex for the second time that night(round 2), he'll lose his erection. Sometimes I feel like it's me. Am I not what he wants anymore? Has he lost interest in me? I don't know what's going on. I feel like I'm not that attractive anymore. For the first month when we started having sex, we used to be able to go one round after another, pretty fast. Now it takes a long time and I wonder what changed. He always tells me how much he loves me and wants me, but our sex life hasn't been the best. I know he's told me he worries about getting me pregnant sometimes, since I'm still in college and he wants me to finish my degree. Though I feel like that's an excuse for something else that is really bothering him. I know he puts a lot of pressure on himself to perform and make me happy, though I've told him numerous times that I don't want him to worry and tell him to enjoy himself. Is there something else you think is going on? what can I do to help him/help our sex life?

[Italia89]

I know Viagra isn't just for older guys, but I don't want him to rely on it at his age. And then we'd be stuck using it all the time, and it's not cheap to get. I'd just rather avoid it and only use it as a last resort. I'll talk to him about getting a 'physical' tomorrow, maybe, if I can find a good way to bring it up. He doesn't want to talk about it usually, since he feels embarrassed that he can't last that long. I feel bad that he's embarrassed about it, but if nothing changes then I don't get much out of having sex. I always tell him not to worry about it because I know the mental stress won't help him at all, but I do want something to change. The foreplay is great, but the sex is just ok. He'll always end up getting more out of it than I do. I love to please him, but I'd like something out of it, too. I want to find a better way to bring up the topic without really upsetting him because he can take it real personally.

[Westguy1003]

Well most guys will last longer the second time around after they come the first time. Viagra isn't just for older guys. Theres plenty of guys who have problems with sexual performance even though they're otherwise young and healthy. Maybe he does have some issue that could be medically treatable? 31 isn't old by any stretch but its not so young that its unbelieveable or impossible that something could be going on. Might be worth getting checked out by a doctor if for no other reason than to confirm that its nothing physical.

Assuming it's a mental block thing you don't want to fall victim to the self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, you both expect it to happen each time you have sex so it will continue to happen because that's what you expect to happen, etc...The worst thing you can do is to get all up in your heads about this because that wont help anything. Just enjoy being with each other and enjoy each other sexually and you'll work through it. Or, like I said, this could just be the rhythm that you've found and theres other sexual things you can do.

[Italia89]

Thanks! Well in the beginning he came quickly, then after a few times of having sex, he began to last a long while. He had lasted a long while until the past month or so. He jokes about wanting to use viagra, but I don't want it to come to that. He's 31 and shouldn't be using that already. He is always thinking too much, which I can't seem to get him to stop doing. I trust that he won't cheat, I just don't see him as that kind of guy. He knows I'll leave him if he cheats, as I have zero tolerance for it and he always says how he wants to be with me forever. I'm just wondering if maybe I can do something different to help him out. Maybe if it was more exciting or something? I don't know. I had thought about asking him to try slower sex/tantric sex or what ever it's called, but I have a feeling he'd lose his erection and then he won't want to try again. I feel like we're basically in a rut and I don't know what to do to get out.

[Westguy1003]

Speaking from a guy's perspective:

Did he always come quickly? I know you said he used to be ready for round 2 quicker than he is now but was he always a quick finisher even during that time? For some guys this is just the way they are and there's really not much they can do about it. They sell numbing creams and all sorts of over the counter products that are supposed to improve stamina and lasting power and vitality and etc... but these are mostly snake oil. Of course there's always viagra if it bothers him that much.

Also, if there is indeed a lot on his mind this can happen too. Distractions, etc.. aren't always a good thing for sexual health.

I wouldn't worry too much about him cheating on you or not wanting to be with you anymore. This probably isn't it although when a guy loses interest or is "done" with the relationship this sort of thing can happen. Really all you can do is talk to him and see if theres anything going on that he's not telling you about. If he loves you he'll be honest with you. If you trust him then all you can really do is take his word for it.

Maybe he could finish you off after he's done with some oral sex? Or just do that to keep you going while he recharges and gets ready for round 2? Sex comes in many forms and this might just be his rhythm that you guys need to adjust to. Exploring different types of sexual contact isn't always a bad thing though and you could make it a fun exploration together.