hello, im 17 years old and i was wondering about something. i was always ambitious to talk to girls my whole life and now that my girlfriend of 2 months broke up with me, im not as ambitious and im just confused over thinking about everything. me and this girl had a crazy connection, like it was beond belief and idk why it ended, i thought we would be together for longer. but is it normal to not want to talk to girls after you get out of a bunch of relationships that dont work out? ive been through sooo much and this last one really got me thinking and its driving me crazy. i lost my virginity after i broke up with this girl and the sex didnt seem right. i always had fantasies about having sex and now that the sex wasnt good and that i didnt enjoy it that much, im not excited at all to have sex with a girl. this is really killing me and ive been beating myself up over it. i even had thoughts like maybe this is because im gay" because i cant seem to make the connection with a girl and being with a dude isnt me. i still get butterflies when i look down a girls shirt and when i see a hot girl and stuff but i dont understand any of this because this has never happened to me. someone please shed somelight on this if this has happened to you. thanks
i know several men in their twenties who made a conscious choice not to pursue sexual relationships with women for a certain period of time. one dude made it a whole year! :-) they did this not because they were gay, not because they were weird, and not necessarily even because of a broken heart. their choice was made for self preservation.
when you give yourself- emotionally and/or physically- to another person; it can leave a hole in your heart, even when you knew you were doing the right thing at the time.
i think you have NOTHING to worry about; except doing things in your life that you get a kick out of. play video games, go hiking, read a book. whatever floats your boat.
if/when you meet someone that you have a real connection with; you will have the same ambitions towards women that you have always had. just give it time. believe me, it is a sign of maturity and intelligence to just take a step back from sex/love/relationships... and just do YOUR thing. it sounds cliche; but what you are looking for will come to you when you least expect it.
BTW I would respond but this seems to be a common post you have been doing. You have been talked to about this. Would be helpful if you put all your questions and updates in one post so we can see all the previous stuff.
well im new at this, i made the profile no too long ago and im just trying to figure out my situation and ask as many questions as i can. thats why this is here, to ask questions. my mood changes everyday and i think its ok to ask as many questions as i want. if you dont want to answer them then thats fine
When we experience a break up, we go through a process for that particular loss. It takes time and as much as someone want to just jump into another relationship, something is no right, because you emotions are still with the ex. Give yourself time to just come to grips with what has happened to you and start to focus on you right now. Start planning what you would like to do, go to school, which is a great way to meet women, but being on the rebound just doesn't work. Start to plan your new life, what you want to do, where you want to go and reconnect with the "self" and life has a way of falling into place. Make sure to surround yourself with good friends and family and take a break from girls, but when you least expect it, it will happen. You will meet that great girl that will be just right for you and sex will come naturally. Good Luck.
This is true. You didn't make the profile that long ago. However, you have filled out quite a lot in your profile. One is your age. Your age is 20 according to the profile. Also your account appears to have been created in Feb. 2010. In the time you have been a member on this site you have had a total of 12 posts. Majority of them here on the sexual health forums and on the sexuality & relationship expert forums. Each of these posts have the same information and the same problem.
Regarding your asking questions. You are more then welcome to ask questions. But asking the same question over and over but changing the wording here and there isn't helpful to you at all. Your posting the same story to us. Why do you want to post the same story. Just ask the question and then follow up with a new question to the same post. So those of us answering and you can see the previous information and what you have been told. Its not that I don't want to answer your questions it is that I want to answer them but I want to answer one post not 3 different posts that are all the same in the story and how you feel. Now if you want to get technical about it if you review the Terms of Service (which you agreed to when you signed up for your account) Under "Rules for Posting Questions in Forums and Public Areas" the following Rule applies:
16.Posting the same note more than once or "spamming".
On Feb 27, 2010 you posted on this forum a thread called "whats going on with me". Then on Mar 1 you post a thread called "HOCD? someone help me :[[" and now you have this thread. All of which are the same story and all of them ask pretty much the same questions "Should I take a break from girls? I don't want to be gay."
You see the point I am making here? If you keep everything in one forum then those of us who type out a long drawn out response answer your question and others can see it giving their feedback to that persons posting to either support, refute, or post their own response. I for one am such a person. I took out a very long and detailed response. Giving you an answer to your question. Just as a few others did on each forum. Including one expert who responded to your question.
So to answer this question I am going to give you my full thoughts on this subject.
I think you truly are trying to avoid what you want someone to tell you. You think you are turning Gay because of the fact you likee guys. I will tell you if you like guys then be with one. See if you like it. Don't diss it until you have tried it. If you don't want to be with guys and have problems with girls you need to sit down and think of why you are having problems with girls. Right now your storting out a lot of things and one of those is feelings for a woman who you had sex with. It didn't work out and your relationship failed for whatever reason. There is nothing you can do to change that it failed or make it go back.
Do I think you are gay? I think you have doubts of your sexuality but those doubts are rising from a relationship that failed. You get "turned" on by guys and this scares you. You are scared for whatever reason (No accpetance, feeling like an outsider, etc). For that we can't help you. All the adivce given to you it sounds like you reject or just don't care what we think because it doesn't say "You are Gay" or "You are not gay". Which no one here is going to say you are or are not. You have to figure that out on your own.
Deal with the failed relationship and move on. If you want to be Gay, Bi, or Striaght great! Be that. Nothing wrong with being either of those sexualities.
Wow, after reading Mistakeguys789 long post, but effective it sheds light on a whole new possibility of confusion over the possiblity of being gay. He might want to experiment or is curious of the possibility that he might be gay and fears grasping the reality of the possibility.
Mistakeguys....great research and you couldn't have said it any better... I would re-read Mistakeguys post and take sometime to absorb the possibility or curiousity of being gay.
sorry about that Mistakeguys, im just really worried about this and i feel that this is the best website to poor myself into. i made the profile quick because i was soo worried. and thanks for answering to me, it really helps. the thing is, i cannot see myself with another guy, it would just be weird. when i like a girl a lot, it is the best feeling in the world. after my girlfriend broke up with me for the second time and i didnt have any doubts in my mind, i told her "i dont even feel like talking to any girls for a while because i know i wont find the same connection i had with you." now that i started going crazy in my own mind telling myself im gay, i can barely even talk to girls. i start questioning myself and stuff like why do i like boobs soo much? and i dont have a reason. and gays know theyre gay their whole lives. rosie oddonell knew she was gay when she was like 5 or 6. i never even had a THOUGHT of being gay. i always liked girls and i was always attracted towards girls. my parents never really said to me YOU BETTER NOT BE GAY. my mom said she would still love me the same way if i was gay, but to me it doesnt feel right. if i was gay, i wouldntve had the connection and the attraction towards girls my whole life. i have had some "homosexual thoughts" buti never said to myself "i wanna go with a guy, these thoughts make me soo happy" if only the gay thoughts made me happy, i wouldntve wasted my time with all the girls ive been with. i remember my first kiss, i thought i was in heaven for a minute. yeah,i love being around my guy friends. i love it. id rather chill with my bro's right now rather then forcing myself to talk to girls because i think mentally im not prepared to talk to a girl and i know my guy friends will always be there for me. when a girl texts me and says heyy babyy :] <3 i get butterflies and it makes me soo happy. in your head, you have the mind and the brain. the brain is telling you what you really want. the mind tricks you into thinking things when your mind is fatigued and stressed. your mind usually tries to take over your brain. i just need to calm my mind because talking to girls sexually makes me happy and it always did.
No need to be sorry at this point. I and the rest of the commentors on your questions really are here to help and provide you with another outlook and answers from our own experinces. My point to things is really I want to keep things in one area so we can help you through everything and not have 10 different posts to read to keep giving you the best acurrate response. Trust me... It helps and it will help you. So now that we are done with that. Lets use this thread from this point forward. Agreed?
Judy's post here is 100% correct on what happens when we break up. Let me give you some real life experince here. I will share some things with you and I truly hope this will help. So I hope you read and understand (this is going to be long get you some popcorn or a PB&J sandwhich).
From 2005-2009 I was married. I dated my now ex-wife for almost 6 months before I proposed to her. Out of any woman on the face of the plant I have had the pleasure of meeting, date, and in a long term relationship with I connected the most with this girl. She and I shared the same kind of background as far as our lifes and what we had done. I had shared in the timeframe of 6 months my entire life with this woman. Every detail I could think of. I connected with her on a different level and felt so safe and easy to talk to her. I figured this woman was made for me. I got married at the smart age of 21. For the next 4 years I went through a lot with this girl. I had her come to me 2 years into the marriage and tell me she was thinking she was Bi-Sexual. Being the good person I am I told her to research and ask questions lets find out if you are. Not from the stance I wanted a 3-some or anything but because I wanted to support her. 1 year later we were involved in a different lifestyle. 1 year after that we were divorced. This woman who I connected to on a different level completely changed and turned into someone I didn't even know. I loved her I cared about her. I still in some respects love her and I still miss her. I never thought I would recover from this divorce. Never. It was and is the hardest thing to do. I can tell you today exactly what she was wearing when she looked me in the eyes and said "I love you but I can't be with you and I am leaving to go live with Karen(not the real girls name)." I can tell you I was on my hands and knees in the house we had just bought crying for her to stay begging. In less then 14 days she filed for divorce. I never thought I would connect with another woman again. I was cheated on, I was dragged through the mud, my life history was disclosed in the public (as was hers), I lose 6,000 dollars, my house, my good credit, and things got pretty bad. The only woman I would ever connect with I thought was my Mom because she was there for me.
Less then a year later I am now in a very serious relationship with a woman. I love her to death. Would do anything for her. I would give her my heart if she needed it to live. No questions asked. Before she and I met I considered everything under the sun. Was I gay because I no longer felt the need to be close to women? Was I that impacted from the divorce that I would NEVER trust another woman in my life. I thought I would be Bi. I figured I must be missing something if my ex-wife was Bi then I could be too maybe that is what my life needed. I thought society was wrong possibly by saying we had to like the opposite sex.
Do you see the common theme here? Basically because the human mind starts to question and doubt itself sometimes. What did I do wrong? That is the question you are trying to answer chances are. Because you don't know the answer you are feeling I am sure that same type of feeling of "I don't want to give my heart away to a girl because all they do is break it." This attitude and question is going to be normal for somenoe in my opinion that has a deep connection with another person. You right now like Judy said need to take a break. You need to relax and stop trying to figure all of this out RIGHT NOW and sort though what you can slowly. Let time pass. I believe the saying "Time heals all wounds" is true. My girlfriend is an amazing woman. Simply amazing. She cares for me for who I am and loves me.
Are you gay? I don't think so. Are you hurting because of the breakup? Yes you are. Do you want to be gay? No. Gay people do know that they don't feel right about girls. But it is not always true about the not getting turned on. Again another true and real life experince. I know a friend of mine who is a very close female friend of mine. Been my friend for years. She has a gay male friend. They not only are friends but they will go out to clubs and have a good time both of them not drunk at all both of them are single. They will kiss and makeout anywhere whenever they want to. He is gay as gay can get. Hes had 4 boyfriends in the last year. But he still likes to kiss girls, and he still feels up on there breast. But does that make him less gay or bi? Nope. He won't have sex with a woman. He won't date a woman. Some people are like that. That is how they are.
Stick to your comfort zone and branch out later. Focus on school and life. If you are 17 you have some time to go before you have to worry about getting into a relationship and even a sexual relationship for that. If you are 20 you still have time. If you are 30-40-50-60-70 you have time. Do what you want to do that will make you happy. Let the relationships come without looking for them.
I truly hope this helps. I would also again read Judy's first response too. It is true.
omg thank you soo much, this really helped a lot. i just feel like i cannot get close to a girl right now since im in this crappy mood. when i think about stuff, i wont even wanna touch a girl. when im in a good mood, i want to cuddle with her and touch her and kiss her all over. ive been in this really bad mood for a month and a half now and it has really taken its toll on me, but i am improving. im talking to this awesome girl named jenn and holy crap, when im in a good mood all i can think about is her. when im in a bad mood about all this stuff, i cant even flirt with her or even talk to her through texting because i doubt myself. i think a lot of this has to do with my really bad sex experience because i was soo discusted omg, did you read the story about my sex experience?if not, here it is. i had sex with one girl. blood everywhere that smelt really bad. the second girl didnt shave down there and her downstairs smelt like her butthole, like litterally my fingers smelt like i just scratched my ***, omg it wasHORRIBLE so now i cant even look foward to sex because the saying is "once you have a sour grape, you wont want another one" it is SOO true, i think i need the right girl to show me a good time. back before all of this, when a conversation with a girl got boring, i wouldnt care whatsoever because i never doubted myself. i knew there was plenty of hot girls out there. in like 6th grade, i had the biggest crush on this girl natalie. omg i was OBSESSED with her. her body was amazingg and i asked her out because she always flirted and stuff. she said no. i was crushed for a good year lol but i moved on. when i start thinking about all of this, i notice guys more and i look at guys a lot more and i dont want to whatsoever, its like im bipolar or something. i went to lense crafters with my mom today. i wore a DC shirt and black basketball shorts and a white volcom hat. im pretty decent looking, i did some modeling here and there. i have nice medium length hair that covers my ears. obviously the receptionists coulndt resist but try to talk to me. they were HOT like omg. i couldnt keep a conversation though because ive been thinking of all of this. i know if i did choose to live a gay life, i wouldnt be happy whatsoever. id be misrable. if i was feeling amazing like i used to and just wanted to talk to girls, id feel on top of the world. ive never felt this way before. and another thing, when im in a good mood with girls i LOVE being around my guy friends, like its awesome. i wouldnt give them up for the world. but when i think that im gay, i cant even chill with them because its really weird to me. idk time does heal all wounds, and i really appreciate your patience with me, this is a really rough time for me and my family included and your story helped me a lot. thank you so much :]
Hey Brother If u dont want to date right now then dont. I like what mis. had to say to ya. Your young and have alot of time for relationships. They can be pure hell!lol And if u find ur attacted to guys are that you think about being with guys. Then just try it. Its no big deal,so dont make a mountain out of a mole hill. U know what i mean. Good luck, u will be just fine.
hey there i was the same way you were and i went 3 years without sex then i meat the girl of my dreams and we have been together for the last three years so mabe you just need to find the right one and you will know when the right one comes you just sence shes the one and listen to your heart and your head because if one says yes and one says no shes not the one but if both your heart and your head say yes then you know shes the one for me thats what i did it might not work for every one but it did me good luck on your journey
thanks dude, im hoping this works out for me. im talking to this awesome girl jenn right now and she makes me really happy. best wishes to you and your girlfriend though dude, it sounds like you got the right girl. and thanks for all of your help guys, i really appreciate it :]
I dont know if this has already been mentioned... im not a reader, and this page is dautingly long....
When you are in your first relationship you throw you whole life into it because you have spent possibly every day since 13 waiting to get a gf. Not just for sex, but for someone you can love. (cats and dogs work well to counter this yearning, but by all means dont *** them). If they dump you, all this love is lost and you lose alot of youself. In the nicest possible way... Get over it! Keep looking around, but don't actively try to chat up any girl you think could have a chance of being your gf. Meet someone at work, or at a coffee shop you go to every morning. Talk to them. Become friends. If you are meant to be together, everything else will work out. Dont seek a girlfriend, seek a friend, as girlfriends can make you think sex and general physical contact (that you want (testosterone)) can interfere with what a good relationship is - with a friend. Think of mates you know really well, without any sexual feelings towards. Duplicate this, with a girl, dont go too fast, and if they are right for you, get married and have a great life!
im over the whole thing with her completely, i just have no drive to talk to girls right now. like yeah ill still look at girls and be like damnnnnnn but i know i wont be able to have anything with her right now. a hot girl was talking to me at track practice and i was like :] but then i thought wow im not gonna be able to talk to her cause im not interested right now. also, when i have a good friendship with one of my bro's, i think like what if this turns into a homosexual relationship? and i just start buggin out and it makes me feel like crap. when im not thinking about anything chillin with my guy friends is awesome, id do it every day of my life. but thank you soo much man, i was thinking about that! like i met this girl natalie and we were like best friends and then we both liked eachother and we hooked up and stuff but that didnt last because we argued too much -_- but i totally hear you man, thanks a lot
dude your gonna drive yourself crazy with all this stuff buzzing round in your head! i agree with the other advice just relax & get on with life! stop thinkn bout it so much! everything will be just fine just give yourself time! just be yourself dont try to put a label on your sexualitly (sorry bout the bad spelling). your not gay, you just had some bad luck with girls & sex! most of us have had something like this happen too, ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!!! when a girl a girl starts flirting with you just go with the flow its just harmless fun!
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