so long story short, when me and my boyfriend have just started.. i get nervous, then it goes away.. then it comes back, so on and so forth.. the entire time during sex, and i know thats the reason why ive never had an orgasm.. ever.. how do i stop doing that so i can finally relax?
If you are nervous because of some embarrassing feelings related to your sexual responses, it can help if you explore your sexual reactions also via masturbation when you are alone and do not have any uncomfortable feelings. This form of "training" can be used in order to gain more confidence, self-knowledge and less embarrassing feelings and uncertainty connected to our own sexual responses and feelings.
You have mentioned that he is a boyfriend & from your profile you are 18. You should ask yourself if you are comfortable with sex outside of matrimony. Even if you love him, if that is a concern at all then that can lead to being nervous. Jef brings up good points about concerns regarding STDs & pregnancy. These concerns are normal & healthy. Severin's advice is good too, though if there is any religious basis behind your nervousness masturbation may be something you have to really think about. If you are not comfortable with it ethically, it can lead to guilt & further nervousness.
Perhaps, you're a bit too anxious, self-conscious or simply afraid to "let go" when it comes to pleasure and orgasms. I suggest that you set a "mood," a sort of mellow environment, prior to intercourse... using low lights (maybe light a scented candle); have soft quite music playing; take a nice hot shower together; and, engage in plenty of foreplay... including oral sex and masturbation. This should help mitigate some of those unsettled nerves.
well, yes we are using protection.. condom AND birth control. its weird though, yes i'm 18, i lost my virginity to my boyfriend. so i'm not experianced... also, whenever we try it, its always at the end of the day, after ive gotten off of work.. so i'm usually stressed out because of that. and i am compleatly comfortable with him, but i do know that i'm not fully comfortable with myself.. which is why i'm so confused.. i want to just be able to let go. i just have no idea how. i know that i cant relax.. because after working 6 day weeks for months.. you dont know how to anymore..
my boyfriend is also super understanding about everything.. which makes no sense to me.. if i were him i would problbly be frustraited. haha
i still dont know what makes me nervous tho. which is why its so frustraiting.. and confusing
I suffered with premature ejaculation for many years so if you're in this boat at the moment I know how you feel.
I felt shame and embarrassment at not being able to satisfy my girlfriend and she felt disappointed and unsure of how to approach the subject with me.
Today I'm glad to say that I do last longer thanks to following some basic ideas and tips that have enabled me to last longer during sex. I will outline some of the tips below that have helped me and hopefully they will benefit you too.
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