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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
i want to know !!
Answered by
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. - Sexuality, family, Sexual Identity
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
i want to know !!
by finder101, May 20, 2007 12:00AM
Dear Doctor ,
I have been with this girl for 8 month now , she is 25 and she said in her life she had 2 boyfreinds and 4 years without any relationship but when i have sex with her i feel her lose inside ?? does it mean she had many pasrtner ??? she never had kids , and i want to know is it possible to know if she is lose that she had mant partners i just curioes to know the true .
Doctor's Answer
by Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., May 21, 2007 12:00AM
, May 21, 2007 12:00AM
The tightness of her vagina probably has nothing to do with her sexual experience. The only thing that usually changes the tightness of the vagina is childbirth and so if she has not had a child this is probably a genetic lack of muscle strength in the vaginal area.. Even women who have had many sexual partners do not ordinarily have relaxed muscle tension in the vagina simply as a result of a lot of sexual activity.
My guess is that this is normal for this woman. There is something she can do about it however. There is a kind of exercise called a Kegal which consists of building up the muscles around the vagina and usually this makes it feel tighter. A woman flexes the same muscles she would if she were trying to stop from peeing. She clenches her muscles around the anus and vagina-and she will probably feel it in her gluts as well.( her muscles around her butt). She can buy a little ( thin, and about five inches long) dumbell looking weight at a sex shop or sex therapist's which is designed to build up these muscls. Then, she can practice clenching those muscles about 50 times a day or more -either with the weight in the privacy of her home, or just using her muscles alone at times when she is sitting at a desk, walking, whatever... This usually helps quite a bit.
You could also get a tighter sensation, by holding the outer lips of her vagina around your penis when you enter her. Or, try having sex with her legs straight and asking her to flex those vaginal muscles during intercourse. There are also some minor surgeries possible- but I think you should try all these other suggestions because they will probably do the job.
Don't mistrust her from this fact alone. Women do differ on natural vaginal tightness. Unless you find out otherwise from other information, she has probably been honest with you about her past.
One more thing. Treat her gently on this issue. Having a loose vagina could be embarrassing to her and she might feel physically inadequate or worry about losing your affections.Reassure her. As you work through these possible corrections to the situation make it seem like a joint issue to solve-- not her's alone.
My guess is that this is normal for this woman. There is something she can do about it however. There is a kind of exercise called a Kegal which consists of building up the muscles around the vagina and usually this makes it feel tighter. A woman flexes the same muscles she would if she were trying to stop from peeing. She clenches her muscles around the anus and vagina-and she will probably feel it in her gluts as well.( her muscles around her butt). She can buy a little ( thin, and about five inches long) dumbell looking weight at a sex shop or sex therapist's which is designed to build up these muscls. Then, she can practice clenching those muscles about 50 times a day or more -either with the weight in the privacy of her home, or just using her muscles alone at times when she is sitting at a desk, walking, whatever... This usually helps quite a bit.
You could also get a tighter sensation, by holding the outer lips of her vagina around your penis when you enter her. Or, try having sex with her legs straight and asking her to flex those vaginal muscles during intercourse. There are also some minor surgeries possible- but I think you should try all these other suggestions because they will probably do the job.
Don't mistrust her from this fact alone. Women do differ on natural vaginal tightness. Unless you find out otherwise from other information, she has probably been honest with you about her past.
One more thing. Treat her gently on this issue. Having a loose vagina could be embarrassing to her and she might feel physically inadequate or worry about losing your affections.Reassure her. As you work through these possible corrections to the situation make it seem like a joint issue to solve-- not her's alone.
