Aa
After the first time
Hi,
I started having sex early this month after being a virgin for long. The 1st time hurts, but not much blood. Subsequent 2-3 times, it hurts too, but there wasn't any blood. Following 4th times onwards, there's always a little blood on the outer of my vagina. Everything will be back to normal after few hours. Penetration is painful for me. Could this be due to the dryness and friction, thus, causing the blood? I've been having sex about once a week and there will be blood almost everytime.
One more thing, after the last sex, there was a bit of brownish discharge (just a little bit), though my period is not due until 2 weeks later. Is this normal?
Thanks.
I started having sex early this month after being a virgin for long. The 1st time hurts, but not much blood. Subsequent 2-3 times, it hurts too, but there wasn't any blood. Following 4th times onwards, there's always a little blood on the outer of my vagina. Everything will be back to normal after few hours. Penetration is painful for me. Could this be due to the dryness and friction, thus, causing the blood? I've been having sex about once a week and there will be blood almost everytime.
One more thing, after the last sex, there was a bit of brownish discharge (just a little bit), though my period is not due until 2 weeks later. Is this normal?
Thanks.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi.
First of all, if I were bleeding and experiencing pain, the first thing I’d do is see my gynecologist. What are you waiting for? It can only help to find out if you have any medical condition that’s causing pain. If you want to explore relaxing and getting over pain after you’ve seen your gynecologist, read on.
You state that you “had sex” earlier this month and that it was painful. I’ll proceed on the basis that you’re referring to penis-vagina sex (p-v). If this is not so, then my comments may be irrelevant to your situation.
It’s possible that your vaginal muscles are quite tight and are clenching up when anything nears your vagina. Many women have experienced pain and/or tightening of the vagina. When the vagina involuntarily tightens, it’s a condition called “vaginismus.” But not to worry, it’s not the result of any permanent physiological condition, and it’s entirely reversible.
Women experience this tightening up because of fear and anxiety. I’m wondering if you’ve received messages that sex is somehow dirty, harmful or wrong. Or whether you’ve experienced something traumatic in your past that is causing you to fear penetration. It can be difficult to truly let go of negative messages about sex as well as past fears unless you have an opportunity to talk about them and process the experience so you can move past it.
Another possibility is that you’ve somehow gotten the idea that penis-vagina sex (p-v) is going to be painful or invasive (which it COULD be, if you’re not turned on or lubricated). Once these ideas take over, you may not even realize you’re having them, but they’re lurking somewhere in the back of your mind and doing their damage. Since you said you’re dry, then this could be a self-fulfilling prophesy: you’re worried about pain, so you can’t relax and get turned on and wet, which, indeed, will cause pain. Please DO NOT ever have any kind of insertive sex unless you’re very turned on. Sometimes, people rush toward what they consider “the main event” without realizing that a) sex should not have a goal; all touch can be pleasurable, and b) any kind of penetration can be painful if you’re not sufficiently turned on.
Another possible factor: What were the conditions like when you were being sexual? Did you have enough privacy? Were you relaxed and happy? If not, these factors might have contributed to your discomfort and tightening up as well.
There are various other possible psychological/emotional factors too numerous to detail here. These include fear of intimacy, fear of men, unresolved anger, feeling conflicted about a relationship, etc.
In addition, if your partner had little or no sexual experience, he might not have been aware that both of you need to be very turned on before p-v sex, and that it takes time. You need lots of touching, kissing, etc. and whatever else turns you on.
Before attempting p-v again, it will be helpful to start with something small, like a finger, inserted just a teeny bit at a time to see how it feels and build comfort. You can do this during self-pleasuring. Here are the steps: Once you’re very aroused, just touch the outside of your vagina. See how that feels. Breathe. Once that feels OK, then try putting a finger just a tiny bit inside, and again evaluate the feeling and breathe. You get the picture: break it down into small steps, and stop when you’re feeling anxious. Give yourself permission to go very slowly.
Realize that it takes time to relax and learn about your body and its responses. But anything worthwhile takes a little time and practice, no? If after slowing down, letting yourself get turned on and lots of practice, you find you’re still tightening up, you might consider seeing a counselor to examine your fears. Good luck to you. Dr. J
First of all, if I were bleeding and experiencing pain, the first thing I’d do is see my gynecologist. What are you waiting for? It can only help to find out if you have any medical condition that’s causing pain. If you want to explore relaxing and getting over pain after you’ve seen your gynecologist, read on.
You state that you “had sex” earlier this month and that it was painful. I’ll proceed on the basis that you’re referring to penis-vagina sex (p-v). If this is not so, then my comments may be irrelevant to your situation.
It’s possible that your vaginal muscles are quite tight and are clenching up when anything nears your vagina. Many women have experienced pain and/or tightening of the vagina. When the vagina involuntarily tightens, it’s a condition called “vaginismus.” But not to worry, it’s not the result of any permanent physiological condition, and it’s entirely reversible.
Women experience this tightening up because of fear and anxiety. I’m wondering if you’ve received messages that sex is somehow dirty, harmful or wrong. Or whether you’ve experienced something traumatic in your past that is causing you to fear penetration. It can be difficult to truly let go of negative messages about sex as well as past fears unless you have an opportunity to talk about them and process the experience so you can move past it.
Another possibility is that you’ve somehow gotten the idea that penis-vagina sex (p-v) is going to be painful or invasive (which it COULD be, if you’re not turned on or lubricated). Once these ideas take over, you may not even realize you’re having them, but they’re lurking somewhere in the back of your mind and doing their damage. Since you said you’re dry, then this could be a self-fulfilling prophesy: you’re worried about pain, so you can’t relax and get turned on and wet, which, indeed, will cause pain. Please DO NOT ever have any kind of insertive sex unless you’re very turned on. Sometimes, people rush toward what they consider “the main event” without realizing that a) sex should not have a goal; all touch can be pleasurable, and b) any kind of penetration can be painful if you’re not sufficiently turned on.
Another possible factor: What were the conditions like when you were being sexual? Did you have enough privacy? Were you relaxed and happy? If not, these factors might have contributed to your discomfort and tightening up as well.
There are various other possible psychological/emotional factors too numerous to detail here. These include fear of intimacy, fear of men, unresolved anger, feeling conflicted about a relationship, etc.
In addition, if your partner had little or no sexual experience, he might not have been aware that both of you need to be very turned on before p-v sex, and that it takes time. You need lots of touching, kissing, etc. and whatever else turns you on.
Before attempting p-v again, it will be helpful to start with something small, like a finger, inserted just a teeny bit at a time to see how it feels and build comfort. You can do this during self-pleasuring. Here are the steps: Once you’re very aroused, just touch the outside of your vagina. See how that feels. Breathe. Once that feels OK, then try putting a finger just a tiny bit inside, and again evaluate the feeling and breathe. You get the picture: break it down into small steps, and stop when you’re feeling anxious. Give yourself permission to go very slowly.
Realize that it takes time to relax and learn about your body and its responses. But anything worthwhile takes a little time and practice, no? If after slowing down, letting yourself get turned on and lots of practice, you find you’re still tightening up, you might consider seeing a counselor to examine your fears. Good luck to you. Dr. J
> Is there any other possibilities other than the dryness and friction? (eg any diseases
> etc)
I am not aware of any disease having as one of the first symptoms vaginal blood. But then I am not a gynecologist. If you are in doubt about your partner and you have had unprotected sex, it would not harm to get yourself checked by a specialist (in any way, not just because you had blood). And never trust anyone on that before a long time goes by. The only way to be sure about someone is to be with him for a long time and know him very well.
> Regarding the brown discharge, apologise as I am not very sure how to monitor it
> according to my sexual activity - perhaps you could enlighten me?
There is nothing difficult with that. You have just to keep track of your sexual contacts, menstruation time and eventual vaginal discharges. If you can memorise them it is good, otherwise you will need to write them down on paper (some kind of diary). In this way you can more easily detect abnormal reactions of your body to the new activity. If you detect some pattern or anything that does not seems normal to you, you can always talk to a specialist. Your written data may be helpful for a diagnosis (in the case of course that something is wrong, because now it is still early to say).
Good luck.
> etc)
I am not aware of any disease having as one of the first symptoms vaginal blood. But then I am not a gynecologist. If you are in doubt about your partner and you have had unprotected sex, it would not harm to get yourself checked by a specialist (in any way, not just because you had blood). And never trust anyone on that before a long time goes by. The only way to be sure about someone is to be with him for a long time and know him very well.
> Regarding the brown discharge, apologise as I am not very sure how to monitor it
> according to my sexual activity - perhaps you could enlighten me?
There is nothing difficult with that. You have just to keep track of your sexual contacts, menstruation time and eventual vaginal discharges. If you can memorise them it is good, otherwise you will need to write them down on paper (some kind of diary). In this way you can more easily detect abnormal reactions of your body to the new activity. If you detect some pattern or anything that does not seems normal to you, you can always talk to a specialist. Your written data may be helpful for a diagnosis (in the case of course that something is wrong, because now it is still early to say).
Good luck.
Hi Rankett,
Thanks for your reply. I was quite worried as it was my first time having sex, so blood from vagina is indeed worrying me, and there has been blood almost everytime when I have sex. Is there any other possibilities other than the dryness and friction? (eg any diseases etc)
Regarding the brown discharge, apologise as I am not very sure how to monitor it according to my sexual activity - perhaps you could enlighten me?
Thanks.
Thanks for your reply. I was quite worried as it was my first time having sex, so blood from vagina is indeed worrying me, and there has been blood almost everytime when I have sex. Is there any other possibilities other than the dryness and friction? (eg any diseases etc)
Regarding the brown discharge, apologise as I am not very sure how to monitor it according to my sexual activity - perhaps you could enlighten me?
Thanks.
> Could this be due to the dryness and friction, thus, causing the blood?
This is definitely a possibility. If foreplay does not make you wet enough, you can consider using a lubricant (water soluble, not vaseline-based).
Another possibility could be individual anatomy details (tight vagina and/or girthy penis).
> One more thing, after the last sex, there was a bit of brownish discharge (just a little
> bit), though my period is not due until 2 weeks later. Is this normal?
This could easily be blood remnants from your last contact, but better to monitor it according to your sexual activity.
This is definitely a possibility. If foreplay does not make you wet enough, you can consider using a lubricant (water soluble, not vaseline-based).
Another possibility could be individual anatomy details (tight vagina and/or girthy penis).
> One more thing, after the last sex, there was a bit of brownish discharge (just a little
> bit), though my period is not due until 2 weeks later. Is this normal?
This could easily be blood remnants from your last contact, but better to monitor it according to your sexual activity.
You are reading content posted in the Sexuality & Relationships Forum
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
