This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
Like many others, I have unique sexual interests such as feet, bondage, tickling, and a few more. While I don't find these wrong in any way, I do worry about my future sex life. I masturbate to these fetishes (usually with nothing but thoughts, but occasionally I will also use visual stimulation such as video) semi-regularly, and due largely in part to past experiences with a partner, they have grown to be a big part of my sexual drive. It's been awhile now since I've engaged in any sexual activity with a partner, and now I am wondering if my masturbation can eventually over-glamorize these fetishes in my mind and make traditional sex more difficult. I've read stories of men who can't have regular sex without additional fetish stimulation, and I don't want to turn into that.
Am I worrying about nothing, or should I stop masturbating to these fetishes to avoid impotence when I start having sex?
Thanks for sharing this very complex concern. Of course, it really can't be addressed in this brief forum, but I'll try to address some of your concerns.
Why does no one worry about something such as eating the way they worry about sex? No one ever says "if I eat this steak whenever I can afford it, will that make me not like pizza?" The answer, of course, is that no one can predict that--and only you can know what makes you feel good.
I think you're worried that you'll become so habituated to your erotic imagery that you won't enjoy sex with a person when you have the opportunity. Only you can know the answer to that. Do you experience strong desires for partner sex? If so, then there's less chance of you not enjoying partner sex. However, you state that it's been awhile since you've been sexual with a partner, which indicates the possibility that you've been avoiding it for some reason. If this isn't the case, then no problem. However, if this IS the case, then perhaps something about partner sex is problematic for you, and your solo sex pattern is providing you with comfort as well as pleasure.
I think this is the issue for you to focus on first--before you start worrying about your erotic imagery. Feel free to write me a follow-up post. Dr. J
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