Erectile Dysfunction - occasional and only at point of intercourse - please help

[creenation21]

Here is a little background, I appreciate any help you can offer!

I am 33 years old fit and in very good health, I never had any sexual problems until lately, in fact my sexual energy, ability to perform was usually very high.

I started to date a girl 3-4 months ago, we had met a year ago and were only friends, then one time about 3-4 months ago, we hooked up, had sex, it was good for both of us.

Before you know it we are in love, and not that we are going to do it tomorrow we have talked about marriage, houses etc,,I was overwhelmed. It took awhile for us to take it slow and simply enjoy our time together....but now things are good..

We have only had sex a few times! I have no problem getting aroused, with her, or with myself, no problem with ejaculation etc etc. I have discussed with her, talked to my dr. who gave me cialis - we will try it this weekend I guess.

I called my dr. today to ask him, waiting for a call back but am intested to see what others have to say, see what else I amy be able to try..

Last weekend, we were both drunk, out at a party, got home, played around for a couple hours, it was hot, i was COMPLETELY turned on, erect etc, but then at the wee hours in the morning she wanted to have sex, but I was beat and also believe the anxiety got the better of me

Is there something better to try? I dont mind using something even if it is less 'natural' we are pretty random anyway so if there was something that I could take that would cause an erection,,,I think that would be good.

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

   First of all, if you are drinking a lot- stop it. Alcohol will cause vasoconstriction- which means narrowing of the veins and if blood can't flow in, or carry blood well, you will not be able to sustain a hard erection. Alcohol and sex don't compliment each other- unless you are having under a glass and it is not a regular part of your life. Given your situation I'd stop drinking entirely.

   It also sounds like some of your reaction may be emotional. The relationship is full of expectations now and you admit to being a bit overwhelmed by them and feeling some generalized anxiety. Before heavily medicating yourself I'd try relaxing, taking an easy day together, playing around sexually and not plan on intercourse. Make your sexual life less demand and orgasm driven. Enjoy touching and don't keep continuing this sequence of high pressure moments.

   See if you start to have easy, frim hard ons again. If not, then there are three choices a doctor might look at Viagra, Caelis and Levitra. They all have a slightly different composition and you can see which works best for you. If any or all do, be happy. You have an ability, even if it requires some additional pill- but who cares?The result will be excellent.

   You are young though for biologically caused erectile issues. I would get a full body check up- sometimes erectile problems are correlated with blood flow and heart issues and you want to make sure your life is not in danger.. If its not biological, and I hope it is not, then it looks likely to be caused by too much pressure in deciding about the future of the relationship. Back off from any choices and just enjoy each other. You may find your potency returns fairly soon.

[ryn21]

I am not sure that Cialis can 100% cure sexual anxiety related dysfunction.  Sexual anxiety is likely the majority of cause to your problem.  You should try talking to a mental health specialist to try and assist you in clearing your mind of these anxieties.  There are also support groups online that can help you overcome these anxieties as well.  Hope everything works out for you.

[creenation21]

my dr. did advise me actually

that what happens is, when I psych myself out,,,,I lose my erection due to anxiety, even though anxiety is the cause, it nets a physical result, one that will be offset by the cialis.

the cialis, supposedly will retain the erection (which I have no problem getting) thus cancelling out the anxiety

it is a confidence thing

we had sex and it has been very hot, fulfilling for her and myself, just need to get over the overwhelming feeling that this girl who I put on a pedestal, is also the same girl I need to be ravaging in bed...

the cialis,,,will maintain the bloodflow, restrict whatever that chemical is that causes the penis to lose its erection

he told me it has been very successful in cases of mine, where performance anxiety,,,is an issue at some point of a relationship

I posted, to see what others experience is

I do appreciate the input!

please offer more feedback,,,,,whoever has thoughts, they are welcome!

thanks!

[monkeyflower]

I think a huge part of the problem is the idea that an erection and intercourse are essential to good sex. They're not. You can give each other oral (oral on a soft penis still feels good), play with toys, use your hands, whatever. Intercourse is NOT the "main course"; it's one of a zillion little tasty side dishes ;-) I actually think you'd benefit from avoiding intercourse entirely for a while.

I'd strongly recommend seeing a sex therapist. Rather than medicate your sexual anxiety, why not learn some strategies to cope with it, and allow yourself to enjoy sex just as it is?

[creenation21]

I am going to seek help in that way, but if a pill or two help me in the short term, then I will use it!

my doctor advised that this happens to alot of guys and using something like this a couple/few times often removes the anxiety in the longer term.....once you have successful sex...

like dropping in on a big half pipe the first time, once you do it, it is a piece of cake

[ryn21]

Having gone through a similar bout of performance anxiety myself, I know what you're going through.  You get all nervous in the midst of things, and then you lose it, it really hurts you mentally.  You feel like less of a man.  The thing I realized is, if your girlfriend gets mad because you are nervous and experience slight difficulty, then she probably isnt worth staying with.  Luckily, when I had my problem my girlfriend was very understanding and helped me beat the anxiety.  My docs gave me Viagra to take, but chose to never take it.  Instead I saw a Psychiatrist and he helped me out, not just with performance anxiety, but with my day to day anxieties.  Talk about it freely with your girl, and hopefully the Cialis will help you out.  I hope everyting works out for you bro.  Take care.

[creenation21]

thanks alot, the support helps!!!

just I have been in some crappy relationships, and the strong emotional connection I have with her takes alot getting use to

my dr. is pretty thorough and not the type of dr. just to hand out scripts, he reported a high success rate for this type of thing, he even confided in me,,,that he used it before

I tend to do well in life - pretty happy, successful etc, but for a long time was shut off - not big on relationships, so just have to get use to this

thanks again,,,

[creenation21]

just found this online, this is the problem I have

this is from another medical/health welness site

this makes me feel better...

Q: I am a 24 year old medical student. My wife and I are not able to have intercorse because I can not produce a sufficient erection. I am still able to physically produce an erection but my confidence is shot and I always sike myself out thus losing the erection. I am embarrassed to seek medical attention because of my medical knowledge and the fact that I am only 24. What should I do?

A: What you are experiencing is very common and is commonly referred to as "spectatoring" in that you get out of the moment and begin to watch and then the anxiety sets in. I understand your embarrassment to seek medical help but that is the way to go...until the meds like Viagra and Cialis came out all we had to use were calming agents like valium/ativan but often the sedation that came with them defeated the purpose. We have also used antidepressants as a way to control the anxiety but they often have sexual side effects.
Viagra and Cialis are so effective that just a little physical touch produces an erection. This then gives the confidence back and generally reverses the anxiety.