Errection

[Greece527]

I hope someone can help me.
   I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now.  We finally found each other again after 17 years on facebook and it has been amazing, except in one area.  I am 45 and he is 58.  We have not had any intercourse at all.  He can not get an errection.  He is an workacholic and works 7 days a week.  I live in CT and he in MA.  I go to see him once a month for 3 to 4 days.  I hope in a year I will be living with him.  I love him dearly but this is a problem.  When I am not there he watches porn or looks at magazines.  I do everything to try to please him and nothing.  From sexy underwear to putting things of my body and he licks it to other things.  He says I turn him on.  Is him working too hard that gets in the way to preform or is the porn or magazines that he is so used to it that he can not do it any other way. He even go to Victoria's or Fredricks of Hollywood and buys me things to wear and nothing.  He says I am very sexy and beautiful and all but no errection.  Please help.  

Signed Greece527

[benthic_man]

Kev543's comment is very insightful, IMHO. Aging has done some odd things to my love life that require patience, too. My wife and I didn't have a fantastic love life until after about 4 months of being sexually active- my own thoughts got in the way. Once I was comfortable and confident, there's never been an issue since.

    Be patient and be supportive, and communicate with him. Be discreet and don't force issues repetitively.

If it's not problematic, oral sex still feels nice whether or not we have an erection. If you're patient, give it a try- so long as he enjoys the feeling and doesn't give himself performance anxiety, a couple of nights of that might help.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hello.

You ask questions for which only HE has the answers. So why not ask him? You might be surprised at what you find out. Tell him you love him and that you really would like to have sex with him and ask him to share his feelings with you. Perhaps he's tired because of his work, or he may have some anxiety about being sexual with you. The only way to find out is to ASK. Best of luck to you. Dr.J

[kev543]

I realy don't think that you would be the problem. Some guys have an issue when it comes to actually doing it with a person but have no problem getting things done by themselves. its more of a self confidence issue. tell him to lay off the dirty mags for a bit and let his juices build up so you can enjoy it with him. another possibility is some guys do that when they have been emotionaly damaged by another women thus making them feel inferior and a man will not function right if that is the case. you just kind of have to let the subconjese pain where off. the best bet is to catch him off gaurd like in the middle of the night when he is asleep, go down on him and see if you cant get a rise.