This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
I have a really hard time reaching an orgasm. Is this maybe something with my nerves or do I maybe just need some help via lubes or sensitivity increasers? I have had an orgasm, I masturbate fairly regularly, and a vibrator does help- though not a lot. I have a hard time reaching it and once I get close, even if I'm extremely relaxed and not thinking about it my back tenses up painfully and sometimes I have to stop because it actually hurts, not just tenses. Via finger stimulation it can take anywhere from 20 minutes up to 2 hours for me to reach an orgasm and with a vibrator, when on the strongest settings, it can take 10-40 minutes. Obviously the vibrator cuts down time a lot, and certainly increases the intensity but the pain that gets in my lower back from my muscles tensing can be a bit of a blocker. Even when it doesn't get the tensing it's just hard to reach the orgasm, I have no issues with arousal.
I can't tell you what's going on without doing a complete interview about your feelings, experiences with sex, etc., but I CAN tell you some possibilities for you to examine.
Some common reasons why its' difficult for women to orgasm are: anxiety, fear, discomfort, conflicted feelings about sex. Since your brain is your biggest sex organ, it also has the ability to stop you from letting go. Sounds like this may be the case for you. You need to short-circuit that sabotaging brain, and to do so means you need to enlist our friend Ms. Fantasy. Think about things that really get you hot--no matter how outrageous they may seem--and employ those images when you want an orgasm. This will send most women right over the top. Try it and let me know how it works for you. Dr. J
It's ok. All is forgiven, I am just a little sensitive to people telling me I am too young or too immature. I grew up quickly and I believe I am a fairly mature person and if I feel I'm not mature enough to handle it then I will avoid it.
Well, I have a few issues due to a bad history with things of sexual nature when I was much younger but I don't believe that's the issue. I've dealt with my emotions in regards to that and it really doesn't bug me anymore. I use my imagination quite actively and have tried a good many things to come to an orgasm. I'm just not sure what it is. I know part of it is the tension in my lower back- it's located about 4 inches above the top of my tail bone and can become so intense it actually hurts (not in a sharp way but in a way that feels like I'm stretching the muscles too far), which I'm not sure if the muscles tensing there is normal or not. Thank you for responding.
Hey i know you say its not due to the experience you had when you were younger but i think it may be. We block these things out, deal with them etc, but they are always in the back of our head holding us back. I always feel guilty after i have come. Its really weird. Makes sexual incounters hard for me unless im drunk. I would save your money and go and see a sex therapist :) You can find them in your phone book or online :) Good luck x
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