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Hi I'm 17 and have trouble getting an erection at the right time. It all started when I was 15 and getting with this girl I could not seem to keep my erection, we were in the back of a car not a great first time situation and we weren't going out or anything just a hook up. Ever since then when I go to get with a girl I have trouble keeping or even getting an erection. I can easily achieve an erection by watching porn and I get Mornin wood all the time, however I quit watching porn about a month ago becueze I thought it might help. I'm going to this girls house this weeken with just us two and she wants to have sex and so do I but I'm nervous I won't get an erection. Basically idk if it's physical or mental and if it's mental how can I help cure it in time?
There's nothing wrong with you. Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. I suspect that once your penis didn’t respond on command, you started feeling anxious and judging yourself, which can be a vicious circle. The more you worry about erections, the more your penis won’t cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious!
Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
Since you’re having erections when not with a partner that indicates that your body is working fine—it’s your heart/brain that’s getting in the way.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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