This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
Im an 18 year old male who has been sexualy active for 2 years now durring this time Ive had a constant problem of keeping an erection. some times I will not be able to some times I can but once I try to put a condom on Ill lose it but some times I can last for an hour with out a problem. in the past if I could keep it hard long enough to have sex i could go 45 mins or a hour no problem. with my new gf its diffrent its harder to keep it till we have sex and once we do I will finish in 10 mins or less. Im extreamly worryed there is somthing wrong with me since this has been a reacuring problem and now its goten worse. I need help before this starts to strain my relationship more then it already has.
Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. I suspect that once your penis didn’t respond on command, you started feeling anxious and judging yourself, which can be a vicious circle. The more you worry about erections, the more your penis won’t cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious!
Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
Since you’re having erections when not with a partner that indicates that your body is working fine—it’s your heart/brain that’s getting in the way. Your anxiety is probably also causing your body to want to get things over with; hence the quick orgasms.
For more information about erection issues, orgasms, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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