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Sexuality & Relationships (Expert Forum)
I can find nothing on this help please!!!!
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice
Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
I can find nothing on this help please!!!!
by cradlelillyth, Jul 28, 2008 06:51PM
Okay this may sound a little funky but it would be really helpful if someone could aide me in understandment. When I was younger I accidently cut my clitoris, apparently. Because I did not notice it until about 3 years ago that right at the clitoris it is ripped. I have never climaxed while in intercourse and I wonder if this is why. I mean it does not hurt or anything it is fully healed. I just wonder if it is the source of my non-climaxing during intercourse. Or is it normal for women not to climax during sex with their mate. I would be most obliged if someone would help me. Thanks
Doctor's Answer
by Janice M Epp, PhD, Jul 28, 2008 07:10PM
, Jul 28, 2008 07:10PMTo: cradlelillyth
It's not likely you cut the glans (or head) of your clit. You would remember that, I’m sure! What's more likely is that your glans is bifurcated, which means it’s shaped like an upside down “v.” This is a common variation and nothing to worry about. The glans is the external part that you can see, and the rest of the clit consists of the shaft (which extends up from the glans under the skin and the hood (the part that covers the glans). The shape of the glans does not affect orgasmic capability. Clits are like noses, with lots of variations. As long as they haven’t undergone major damage, they all work just fine.
The clitoris’ nature and structure has been misunderstood for so long that it’s not surprising that there’s so much confusion! Once you understand how your body works and what you need for orgasmic response, you can begin to experiment with what feels good for you.
A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!
While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris. So how about trading off once in awhile? Him first; then you—or vice-versa?
Of course, once you put pressure on yourself to orgasm, it can become a duty rather than a pleasure. Some people become so orgasm-focused that sex becomes downright predictable, especially in long-term relationships. Also: don’t put the burden of “normality” on yourself. There’s no such thing as “normal” sex; there’s only what YOU like and what feels good for you and your partner. Everyone is different. However, if you and your partner are flexible and experimental, you’ll both have smiles on your faces as the years go by.
Some positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation are:
• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.
For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.
One last important point: Lack of lubrication can irritate your delicate skin, so be sure you’re wet. There are lots of good lubes available, so check them out. You want one that has no alcohol or perfume (alcohol irritates those delicate membranes). Have fun! Dr. J
The clitoris’ nature and structure has been misunderstood for so long that it’s not surprising that there’s so much confusion! Once you understand how your body works and what you need for orgasmic response, you can begin to experiment with what feels good for you.
A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the shaft and glans of the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm!
While many women enjoy p-v sex, for at least 40-50% of them, it usually doesn’t result in orgasm. Why? Because most p-v sex doesn’t provide the steady pressure and reliable stimulation women need for orgasm. During p-v sex, most men use an “in-out” motion that feels great for them, instead of the circular grinding motion that will stimulate the clitoris. So how about trading off once in awhile? Him first; then you—or vice-versa?
Of course, once you put pressure on yourself to orgasm, it can become a duty rather than a pleasure. Some people become so orgasm-focused that sex becomes downright predictable, especially in long-term relationships. Also: don’t put the burden of “normality” on yourself. There’s no such thing as “normal” sex; there’s only what YOU like and what feels good for you and your partner. Everyone is different. However, if you and your partner are flexible and experimental, you’ll both have smiles on your faces as the years go by.
Some positions which can maximize clitoral stimulation are:
• Woman on top, where you can control both the angle and depth
Woman sitting on top, where either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris
• “Scissors”: Side-by-side facing each other, with one of his legs between yours
• Rear entry (man behind), where he can also manually stimulate your clitoris, or you can stimulate yourself.
For maximum clitoral stimulation, your partner should NOT go in and out, but rather should use a grinding motion or, if possible, just stay still, pressing firmly inside you while letting you do the moving around him.
One last important point: Lack of lubrication can irritate your delicate skin, so be sure you’re wet. There are lots of good lubes available, so check them out. You want one that has no alcohol or perfume (alcohol irritates those delicate membranes). Have fun! Dr. J
