This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.
I am 34 and my husband is 51. We have been married for 6 years. In the beginning he wanted sex every day,I couldn't keep up with him. The sex was great and then it started declining slowly and now it is about 1 time a week and sometimes 1 time every 2 weeks. Every time I try to entice him he turns me down and when he wants to finally I give in because I know I won't get it if I don't and then I am not satisfied because I wasn't in the mood. No more foreplay,just straight to business. Recently I found him watching porn and jerking off!! What is the problem? It isn't that he can't it is that he doesn't want to. I am sexually frustrated and love my husband but I feel alone even when he is with me. He will come home,eat,watch tv until he almost fall's asleep and tells me he is too tired!!! Should I leave him? I love him but I need a healthy sex life.....
Well, you're asking the wrong person. But you know that. The only person who tell you what's going on is him.
Let's look at the facts:
You feel alone when you're with him.
He doesn't want to be with you.
He ignores you
He's too tired
He basically just has sex with you to get off
What does this sound like? He's either no longer attracted to you or he's no longer in love with you, or he's avoiding you for a reason. Something is going on, and if you want to continue to be in a marriage with him, you better find out what it is. This is where counseling comes in. It may be too difficult for him to tell you on his own, so I suggest you approach him in a nonconfrontational, loving and supportive way and suggest the two of you see someone professional who is trained to help people talk about their issues. It might go something like this:
"Honey. I love you so very much, and lately I notice you seem distant. I'm not complaining, but I'm worried. I'm wondering if we could talk about this. It occurs to me that a counselor could help us. Would you be willing for us to have a session or two with someone so we can discuss what's going on?"
If he refuses, and if he won't tell you what's going on, then you need to decide whether you want to stay in a lonely and loveless marriage. I do hope the two of you can see a helpful counselor and resolve this. My best wishes. Dr. J
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