Loss of Orgasm

[monikish]

My wife and I had been married for 10 years although for circumstance beyond our control we had been separated for almost 5 years. None of us had any active sexual partner before getting married. She has not had successful "orgasm" for a long time, perhaps over 3-4 years. Since we were living apart we didn't have as much sexual encounter. She gets sexually excited pretty easy but she just can't seem to get to the climax point and orgasm. She is afraid to let me penetrate into her since that long. I have been so far okay with it since I love her. It has gotten to a point where she has lost any desire for sexual intercoourse and now is contemplaing getting divorce.

My wife is 32, 4 years younger than me, She have had involunantary urination (holding prob) for a long time. She does take Detrophen XL frequently. I am not sure if it has any effect or she is just not satisfied with me. Any real advice, please? Thanks in advance!

[njw753]

Actually, the bladder sling surgery was a breeze.  I had virtually no pain, just achiness for several days.  And I immediately quit leaking.  I feel like a new woman, the freedom from worrying that I would leak has a profound effect on my life.

The hardest part was no sex for 4 weeks and no heavy lifting for 6 weeks.  

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hi. I believe there a several issues contributing to this situation. The first is that you two are living apart, which be quite stressful for a relationship. When you have a limited time together, it can put pressure on you to make every sexual encounter perfect. And the harder you try, the more stressed out you get. The second issue is your wife’s urination problem. The drug she’s taking, Ditropan, should be relieving her symptoms and is not associated with any orgasm problems. However, even though the drug is working, she may still be inhibiting herself because of fears of urinating when she gets close to orgasm. So why not suggest putting a rubber sheet on the bed, or having sex in the shower. Or get creative and figure out other places where if she leaks a bit, so what? She may need some reassurance from you that you’re not going to judge her or be repulsed if this does happen. The third issue has to do with penis-vagina sex and the fact that most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone. A major difference between women and men is that generally, the clitoris needs constant direct or indirect stimulation, unlike the penis. For most women, orgasm results from a constant circular motion around the clitoris. Also important is that once a woman’s orgasm begins, if the stimulation is removed, the orgasm will end. In contrast, once men have that first orgasmic contraction, not even a neutron bomb will stop their orgasm! Your wife may be feeling frustrated because she’s not getting effective stimulation. There’s only one way to find out: ask her!

A fourth possible factor is your relationship together—not just the sexual part. Is your wife happy living apart? Are there other issues going on? It will probably be helpful to sit down together and discuss this. Look at it as an opportunity to learn more about each other. If all of the factors I’ve discussed above are affecting your sex life, then why not open up to each other and work together to bring back fun into your relationship? Good luck! Dr. J

[jml1986]

She really needs to see a good urolgist to have that problem fixed or she may never have a pleasureful sex life again. While it may not be the funnest thing to have done, it is alot better then worrying about leaking unine the rest of your life, and never being able to enjoy sex again.

[njw753]

She may be worried she will leak urine if she gets to the point of orgasm or if she pushes too hard to achieve it.  I used to have that problem until I had bladder sling surgery to fix incontinence.  I know it's hard to let go when worried about leaking urine.  I recommend she see a urologist to see if she can be helped.