Aa
Marriage troubles
My husband and I, before we got married, had sex hot and heavy for over a year. Now that we are married and issues had occurred in our relationship..little stuff like not making sure he was completely awake before i left the house which made him late for work(even though every morning it takes about 5 times with 5 to 10 min between of trying to rouse him).. and leaving a paper cup in the grocery cart when i could have thrown it away...and not making sure a light in the house is turned off if i am the last one to go to bed...well all of these things he says bothers him about me and causes him to be less in the mood. What the heck...little quirks like that are supoosed to endear someone to the other person not annoy them so much that they dont even want to be intimate anymore. Right?
Also, and i dont think he is cheating on me...but he goes to college and takes two classes with a woman that he has become pretty good friends with. They were both in the military and now are on the same track of helping soldiers with PTSD in psycho therapy. They meet up for fifteen min to a half hour each day before class to smoke cigarettes together and talk. She calls or texts him to ask when he is getting there and if he wants to smoke with her...he will say...just now leaving work.
As you can tell, I am jealous and suspicious a lot. That is another problem he has with me. He maintains that the two of them are only friends. And wont listen to me when i say its possible that this woman wants to steal him....he usually shuts himself off when i want to talk and then goes to bed...this treatment lasts days sometimes.
ugh
Also, and i dont think he is cheating on me...but he goes to college and takes two classes with a woman that he has become pretty good friends with. They were both in the military and now are on the same track of helping soldiers with PTSD in psycho therapy. They meet up for fifteen min to a half hour each day before class to smoke cigarettes together and talk. She calls or texts him to ask when he is getting there and if he wants to smoke with her...he will say...just now leaving work.
As you can tell, I am jealous and suspicious a lot. That is another problem he has with me. He maintains that the two of them are only friends. And wont listen to me when i say its possible that this woman wants to steal him....he usually shuts himself off when i want to talk and then goes to bed...this treatment lasts days sometimes.
ugh
I'm young and i have a lot to learn but a lot of the times ppl stop listening because they heard the same thing over and over and it's annoying... kinda like how you felt when your parents spoke to you when you were younger. Obviously there is a problem w/ communication btwn you guys.
As far as this lady moving in I say let her- keep your friends close and your enemies closer. If you tell him you dont want her to move in he's going to feel like you don't trust him and your "jealous" ways are getting the best of you, and he'll feel it's another thing to yell at you about. Be more confident in your relationship don't let his anal ways get to you also, because he's going to feel comfortable in talking to you like a little kid.
With her moving in you can see how they interact with each other versus assuming. They always say "kill them with kindness" start being extra nice to him and more attentive maybe he's lashing out at you because he needs attention. People cheat when faced with temptation and when someone else is paying them more attention. Don't show any suspicion till you get some hardcore evidence -God forbid you do find some but in case you do whup both of their behinds!!
As far as this lady moving in I say let her- keep your friends close and your enemies closer. If you tell him you dont want her to move in he's going to feel like you don't trust him and your "jealous" ways are getting the best of you, and he'll feel it's another thing to yell at you about. Be more confident in your relationship don't let his anal ways get to you also, because he's going to feel comfortable in talking to you like a little kid.
With her moving in you can see how they interact with each other versus assuming. They always say "kill them with kindness" start being extra nice to him and more attentive maybe he's lashing out at you because he needs attention. People cheat when faced with temptation and when someone else is paying them more attention. Don't show any suspicion till you get some hardcore evidence -God forbid you do find some but in case you do whup both of their behinds!!
Is it wierd that my husband used to have sex with me for hours and now its an average of about 10 min at the max. its so frustrating.
I am seeing a counselor now. She is helping me with the issues between my husband and myself.
I think now that I am seeing someone, my husband is more relaxed around me. He has wanted me to go talk to a professional for some time about my jealousy issues. I think the fact that I am seeking help gives him reassurance. He and I went on a date this last weekend and it was great.
I am feeling much more secure in our relationship in this moment. I hope it lasts. I am also going to be on mood medication soon. Looking forward to a full week of steady, happy attitude!
My husband goes to school with his friend this evening. Hopefully I will refrain from feeling insecure and just rest in knowing he loves me and we are working at our relationship. Hopefully he wont come home and be distant or weird like he has before when hanging out with her. (feels like he doesnt want to disappoint her by getting close to me or something, but that is probably just me.)
I think now that I am seeing someone, my husband is more relaxed around me. He has wanted me to go talk to a professional for some time about my jealousy issues. I think the fact that I am seeking help gives him reassurance. He and I went on a date this last weekend and it was great.
I am feeling much more secure in our relationship in this moment. I hope it lasts. I am also going to be on mood medication soon. Looking forward to a full week of steady, happy attitude!
My husband goes to school with his friend this evening. Hopefully I will refrain from feeling insecure and just rest in knowing he loves me and we are working at our relationship. Hopefully he wont come home and be distant or weird like he has before when hanging out with her. (feels like he doesnt want to disappoint her by getting close to me or something, but that is probably just me.)
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Dear Lisa.
There are so many warning signs here, I can't even begin to list them.
Yes, annoying little habits can pile up and contribute to someone not feeling sexy--but only if there are some deeper issues. If your husband isn't interested in sex with you and is having a very important relationship with another woman, it's very possible that he's no longer interested in you--or something about you or your relationship is driving him away.
There's only one way to find out. You say he won't talk with you about it. If not, then you need to get to a counselor ASAP. The two of you need to talk with someone who is trained to help people with sexual and relationship concerns. A counselor can provide you with a safe, nonjudgmental space in which each of you can express yourself freely. Please do get help. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
There are so many warning signs here, I can't even begin to list them.
Yes, annoying little habits can pile up and contribute to someone not feeling sexy--but only if there are some deeper issues. If your husband isn't interested in sex with you and is having a very important relationship with another woman, it's very possible that he's no longer interested in you--or something about you or your relationship is driving him away.
There's only one way to find out. You say he won't talk with you about it. If not, then you need to get to a counselor ASAP. The two of you need to talk with someone who is trained to help people with sexual and relationship concerns. A counselor can provide you with a safe, nonjudgmental space in which each of you can express yourself freely. Please do get help. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Well at least you know what your issues are most women don't, and swear its their partner and not them. Now that you know you can work on them. If you keep being insecure then your going to give him a reason to give into temptation if there is any btwn him and that lady. Maybe you're stressed out try taking a day to yourself go out with your friends and have a girls night out. I'm getting a vibe that your a lil tense buy some lingere, or a sexy dress, new shoes work for me. Find a way to relax when your relaxed your relationship will be relaxed.
That is going to be hard. But is really good advice. Thank you. I thought about that keep your enemies closer idea, good one.
The hardest thing would be to have them getting one up or over on me. I get a hot flash thinking about it. My anger starts to boil over. I am pretty anxious and worry about his bad intentions. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that in my first marriage my husband and i were kids and didnt respect each other...he cheated on me with two of my friends and I cheated on him too. I am not used to having a relationship that is REAL. I wish I could just relax but I guess I have a hard time believing it is bc i am so used to the superficial. I was on and off with my previous husband for 10 years. I have been with my new husband for 2 1/2 and married for 10 months.
The hardest thing would be to have them getting one up or over on me. I get a hot flash thinking about it. My anger starts to boil over. I am pretty anxious and worry about his bad intentions. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that in my first marriage my husband and i were kids and didnt respect each other...he cheated on me with two of my friends and I cheated on him too. I am not used to having a relationship that is REAL. I wish I could just relax but I guess I have a hard time believing it is bc i am so used to the superficial. I was on and off with my previous husband for 10 years. I have been with my new husband for 2 1/2 and married for 10 months.
oh and now she is breaking up with her husband and he wants to offer for her to move in for a month or more...just great.
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