Masturbation

[phenomenon2009]

I decided to join this community to talk about it for the first time, because physically there is no one i can trust to be able to talk to about this. I have tried to go to doctors but i and counsellors but I'm in a different country away from my home country where I am not really comfortable with counsellors.
I have been masturbating for almost ten years. I do it mostly because I feel so lonely. I have had self esteem problems which have affected all twenty years of my life. I think everytime I masturbate, I get weaker and it affects the the way I walk. My left testicle is higher than the other. My left shoulder is higher than the right one. My left knee hurts every time i ejaculate.

I'm trying so hard to stop but the craving keeps on coming. If i don't masturbate I get a felling like im the worst person in the world not doing the right thing.

Please help me stop masturbating and let me know what are the worst things that could happen.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hi.

OK. Take a deep breath and relax. You're scared because you lack accurate information.

First, let me assure you that masturbation (self-pleasuring) is not the cause of your physical problems.

Like any physical activity, self-pleasuring can make you feel tired; however, just like when running, etc., you'll soon regain your energy. You state that your left testicle is higher than the other. Guess what? Every man has one testicle higher than the other because otherwise, they'd slap together when you walk, which would be very painful. Regarding your shoulder: that has to do with your posture and how you carry ourself--self-pleasuring doesn't affect it at all. Your knee probably hurts after orgasm because you're straining it, as you would do during any extreme physical activity.

Your body is responding how it’s MEANT to respond. Let me explain.

Many people feel insecure about self-pleasuring because they don’t have adequate information. We all want to know that what WE do is OK. From your note, it looks like you feel that it’s somehow harmful or wrong. There are no data to indicate that self-pleasuring is in any way harmful.

I'm here to tell you that whatever works for you is what works for you, and please stop worrying and enjoy your life. The fact that you’re trying to stop self-pleasuring and are finding it difficult should tell you that it’s part of who you are. Accept it as a wonderful gift that keeps on giving.

Here are some facts about self-pleasuring:

It’s the surest way to orgasm and the most effective way to learn about our sexual response cycle, as well as the surest way men to learn orgasmic control.  If you feel you come too quickly, the surest way to slow down is to teach yourself a new pattern via self-pleasuring.

Another advantage is self-knowledge: How can you show a partner what you like if you don’t know yourself?

And the #1 reason for self-pleasuring: it’s fun!

Self-pleasuring is a part of who you are sexually—for your whole life, not just when you don’t have a partner. People self-pleasure from birth to death, when they’re alone and when they’re partnered. It’s just one of many options we have as sexual beings. It’s not better or worse than partner sex, just different—like steak is different than chicken.

Remember that all our scientific data show that the people who take responsibility for their OWN pleasure have the best sex lives and rate themselves as happiest about their sexuality. So please stop torturing yourself, accept your sexuality as a gift and start enjoying life. Good luck! Dr. J

[phenomenon2009]

Thanks so much Dr. J!