Me and my boyfriends sex life is changing rapidly..

[happy_days1234]

Me and my b/f have been together for 3 years now.. When we first went out I could tell he liked me alot, he would call me all the time and he always wanted to be around me. He showed signs of being very possesive, sometimes if I didnt reply to his text messages he would freak out and text me over and over again calling me horrible names. Which made my outlook on him change big time! And because of this it took us a while to become intimate, I would say it took us about 6-8 months to even become intimate by that I mean have sex.. Before that we did fool around and show affection, he was not pushy about having sex which was really nice.. But I remember the first time we had sex it was horrible!! the sex felt good, and I love spontaneous sex. We snuck out and had sex on the pool table in the garage. But the downfall was that the sex lasted for forever it seemed, it started to hurt me I was getting really sore so I wanted to stop I couldnt put up with it any longer. He didnt not even get to ejaculate. I felt really bad but It was causing me so much pain. After that we continued to have sex probably about 2 times a day for almost a year, but still no luck he would ejaculate much more often but the sex still lasted for way too long. Than as time passed we slowly stopped having sex as much. We are up to maybe once or a twice a week. He actually ejaculates every time we have intercourse now. If our sex lasts too long I will give him oral so he can finish, but it still takes him FOREVER! The wierd part about him lasting so long is that he had only one sexual partner before me and he really seemed to like me alot. And he is very attractive its not like he is with me out of desperation.. I just don't get it now he seems to not be very sex driven, we barley have sex and we always do the same postiton. Sometimes I feel like he takes so long because he is not attracted to me, or something is wrong with me. Now Im not being satisfied I like to have sex more than once or twice a

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

You're asking the impossible, which is for me to tell you what your boyfriend is feeling. I don't know anything about him. In fact, there's only one way for you to find out what's going on, and that's to ask him. If you two aren't ready to communicate with each other, you're not ready for an adult relationship.

I can, however, make a few educated guesses about him from what you've told me.

1. He's quite insecure, thus, his possessiveness.
2. He's rigid, thus, only one sexual position.

Those are the only clues I have about his personality based on your post.

Here's some general information about his delayed orgasms:

There are many reasons why he may be inhibited with you. This could be due to anxiety—either about sex in general, or about some aspect of his relationship with you. Or perhaps he’s not receiving enough stimulation during penis-vagina sex (p-v), or you might be starting p-v before he’s turned on enough. I’m also wondering how aroused he is by you. He could be bored, or perhaps some aspect of your relationship isn’t satisfying.

There could be other reasons he’s not turned on: Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Some men are very affected by cultural or family messages that unmarried women who have sex are somehow “dirty” or evil.

So, to recap: he may have negative attitudes about sex in general, or he may have performance issues or be bored or frustrated. Either way, it’s easy to get trapped in a cycle of trying too hard, which, in turn, just leads to more stress. Think about the issues I’ve raised and see if any sound possible. The next step is to open up some dialogue with him. Don’t be defensive. And be sure to tell him that you love being sexual with him, regardless. It’s important he not feel pressured. Be supportive and loving. There’s something going on, and the two of you need to find out together. Once you talk about it, he may just be able to relax and enjoy whatever pleasurable feelings arise, which, in turn, may lead to him relaxing enough to share his orgasm with you. Good luck! Dr. J

[happy_days1234]

week. Im finding my self thinking about other men sometimes. I love him alot Iam just so confused. I guess my question is what can cause a delay in ejaculation?? I wish I could just get in his head and see what he is thinking.. This has been going on so long that its driving me insane! Past boyfriends always wanted intercourse and would not take almost one hour to two hours to ejaculate!!